To ask at what age were your children the most expensive?

[Invisiblewoman1]

I am trying to plan and prepare for being a single parent. I think the under 5 (childcare) and then teenage years are prob most expensive. Am I totally wrong?!

Depends on hobbies. DD is 10 and costs us hundreds each month in gymnastics and dance fees. Then there is the added expense of gym equipment, competitions etc. This began when she was 6.

People say you can budget and get them second hand shoes and spend £50 on Christmas

Not sure why you fid that so hilarious
£50 is what we would spend on ours at Christmas, now we can afford it. It didn't use to be that much. Some years, it still isn't that much.
You can also get some excellent free or bargain football boots / walking boots etc where others have outgrown them after hardly wearing them.
Again, not sure what is hilarious about that?

You must be living in a bubble behind some very high walls.

@Kite22

People say you can budget and get them second hand shoes and spend £50 on Christmas

Not sure why you fid that so hilarious
£50 is what we would spend on ours at Christmas, now we can afford it. It didn't use to be that much. Some years, it still isn't that much.
You can also get some excellent free or bargain football boots / walking boots etc where others have outgrown them after hardly wearing them.
Again, not sure what is hilarious about that?

You must be living in a bubble behind some very high walls.

I am sorry to hear about your situation, it must be very difficult.

However, people trying to build careers and earning to get to a point where they can provide things for their DC that most of their average friends have is not "living in a bubble".

We don’t even have any kids yet and so far we are racking up tens of thousands on IVF.

@Kite22

People say you can budget and get them second hand shoes and spend £50 on Christmas

Not sure why you fid that so hilarious
£50 is what we would spend on ours at Christmas, now we can afford it. It didn't use to be that much. Some years, it still isn't that much.
You can also get some excellent free or bargain football boots / walking boots etc where others have outgrown them after hardly wearing them.
Again, not sure what is hilarious about that?

You must be living in a bubble behind some very high walls.

I used to get second hand shoes when they were small but where do you get proper man sized shoes second hand especially if your kids have narrow feet? It's hilarious because it's the idea that buying shoes, clothes and food for your kids is a choice. And no I don't buy designer gear!

Nursery fees.
Then University.
These are the stages we’ve found the most expensive.

20+’s

@Kite22

People say you can budget and get them second hand shoes and spend £50 on Christmas

Not sure why you fid that so hilarious
£50 is what we would spend on ours at Christmas, now we can afford it. It didn't use to be that much. Some years, it still isn't that much.
You can also get some excellent free or bargain football boots / walking boots etc where others have outgrown them after hardly wearing them.
Again, not sure what is hilarious about that?

You must be living in a bubble behind some very high walls.

Not really, we've scraped by for years. Only just getting back into work now due to our circumstances.

I found 6th form the most expensive, or basically, when uniform was no longer used in school.

From a single mother to a single mother, make your children your team. If you are struggling they should not know enough to worry but they should be aware that you need their understanding when they ask for something and you say “let’s wait until the end of the month”..

Also, don’t worry too much about the future, by the time it comes you will be ready to deal with it.

Thank you for your kind thoughts, but my situation isn't difficult at all. We just don't like waste.
Lots of groups such as cadets, Scouts, DofE etc invite people to donate walking boots their dc have outgrown that have plenty of life in them. Then the same with football boots - there is a thriving 'market' for handing down boots that people had to buy for 1/2 term of football lessons or rugby lessons and then they outgrow before they are almost broken in.
I've always been able to get my dc new school shoes, but there is a thriving charity in our City where you can go and pick up free uniform and that does occasionally include shoes, but when it doesn't, the saving by having blazers, PE kit, coats etc given you frees up money for the things you do need to buy.

However, people trying to build careers and earning to get to a point where they can provide things for their DC that most of their average friends have is not "living in a bubble".

No, of course it isn't, but thinking it is hilarious that not everyone is able to achieve reaching a position where you can just spend £200 on one of your dc's Christmas presents, is. That isn't 'poverty' that is normal life for people in normal jobs.

Thanks everyone so much. It’s been so helpful to read everyone’s comments and situations. Someone mentioned me getting maintenance from my ex; I am actually asking this question as I am working out if I can financially become a single parent using a donor. So no Maintenence and no second salary to rely on and no one to share child care.

I have worked out my full time child minder fee to be £1150 ish a month. I will only have one child due to my situation. I’ve got the savings for the treatment and a little nest egg for emergencies. But £1150 a month on one salary with a mortgage is a lot and I was thinking surely as they get older they won’t continue to cost £1150 per month. At times reading these replies I felt naive but I think I’m right. Even if they need a new suit and shoes every month, a ski trip once a year, a new device every Christmas and a year of driving lessons. It won’t equate to £1150 every single month for 21 years.
What I have learnt from this thread though is there is a sweet spot between 4-13 ish where they will be the cheapest they will ever be. So those are my golden years to save, have little family holidays, make the most of it

Definitely teenagers. Just the amount they eat is staggering.

my friends who lived away from home at Uni also worked and took loans - there was no parental help as it they couldn’t afford it. Has something changed? I’m in Scotland where tuition fees are paid but rent/everything else was paid for by my friends.

Yes, they are also the golden years because they are civilised enough to be taken out but not old enough to not want to join you anymore

Nursery from 9 months to 4 years 10 months £1,500 per month

Definitely the nursery years especially before the age 3 funding (if you have a child born after 30 March you have to wait until September which is most aggrieving - mine were born mid April and early May!!!)

When we had our first the fees were absolutely crippling. We had only bought our first house the year before so had barely chipped away at the mortgage. I was a solicitor but less than 2 years NQ earning a VERY modest salary. After mortgage, bills, basic food and commuting costs I had £15 disposable income a week. If my train was late a couple of times I had to blow it all on taxis from the station to nursery. I was so worried about money I sometimes cried myself to sleep over it.

I really don't believe it will ever be that bad again, let alone worse.

Age 3.5 - funding made things easier. Plus our salaries had risen; I moved firms. We started overpaying the mortgage.

Age 4.5 - school albeit with wraparound care and holiday club, school trips, uniform. Easier still.
Age 6 - I was a senior associate and had a big jump in salary. We also each came into a modest inheritance, increased mortgage payments again.
Age 9 - we had another baby just as my pay jumped again. We paid off the mortgage. By the time 2nd went to full time nursery it just kind of replaced the mortgage payments.
Age 11 - no more childcare costs for eldest. Yes he did some sports hobbies, more expensive clothes/trainers and gadgets but a drop in the ocean compared to £1200 on childcare fees.
Age 13 - I was made partner and salary jumped again. Youngest started school. No more nursery fees!

Age 14 we moved house and did an expensive 2 year renovation.
Age 16 - reno nearly completed. We're now concentrating on maxing our pension contributions.

Next year it will be driving and the year after that uni but unless we have a lot of bad luck I really don't think it will be anything like those hard early years. It's not just the nursery fees either, it's that our income was so much lower and outgoings so much higher then. But I guess that's the benefit of nursery years, it facilitates the career trajectory that would otherwise be lost (and which a lot of parents forget to count as a cost. )

Uni time and although being adults now, still very indulged but that is mine and DH' s issue

Teens

So much food

@Tivermeshimbers1

my friends who lived away from home at Uni also worked and took loans - there was no parental help as it they couldn’t afford it. Has something changed? I’m in Scotland where tuition fees are paid but rent/everything else was paid for by my friends.

Yes, with the price of rents these days, the vast majority of the student loans goes to pay for accommodation (or all of it if you live in an expensive area or the household income is over a certainthreshold when the loan entitlement is reduced). So the loan often needs to be supplemented by a job on the side and in some cases (ie several siblings at uni from a household with a medium sized income) a parental monthly contribution.

After dealing with student financial issues for many years, I calculated I needed to save £5,000 for each year of DS university, but that may have gone up since then.

I'd say primary when they did lots of extra curricular activities, although looking back that was all my own fault and completely unnecessary

By teens they'd lost interest in everything and didn't cost much at all.

some bloke I used to know would go around pouting looking bewildered that the high number of kids he made all needed uni costs paid, and car stuff 😂 never occurred to him to have any foresight when making a load of kids. Zero sympathy was given.

It depends if they go to university!

Invisiblewoman1 good luck to you. Honestly if you can survive nursery, the costs just won’t be as high again as a number of us have shown. Your biggest financial risk may well be period of maternity leave depending on your package.

Our nursery fees are currently £15,300 a year for 4 days a week. I’ve worked out before that our eldest’s wrap around care is £1800 plus around £1000 for 6 weeks of summer clubs so a big drop. She costs us a lot in activities but that is discretionary. I’m sure she will cost more as a teen in terms of food, transport etc but unlikely to need wrap-around. University would be worth thinking about.

Late teens driving lessons/uni etc.

Can't believe the cost of nurseries! Absolutely shocking