Beneficiaries already in touch.

[danettehealy]

Hi all,

My friend/former partner passed away a month ago. We were not married at any point - and remained on good terms for many years.

I am the executor of his will - something which I always knew about - even when we remained friends. The other executor is a mutual friend from our circle.

I have already had three people ask me to see the will (not for funeral purposes) - and if not exactly/directly that question - they have asked 'what's happening next?!' repeatedly. I feel totally out of it as his death was rather traumatising and questions such as 'Can I have this/that?' seem totally out of line. Someone asked for specific items three days after his passing.

The other executor and I haven't informed any beneficiaries yet - because we've yet to go through the whole probate process. When would be the 'right' time to inform them? Also, AIBU to be massively offended by the behaviour of some people?! I suspect it is because the estate is extremely large.

its not as easy as "Just applying for probate" in order to do that you have to detail the full financial situation including valuations of assets. Executors are also allowed to mourn and 3 days after his death is down right grabby and rude and frankly I would be holding people like that at arms length.

I think it sounds like this might turn tricky and you would be wise to use a solicitor to help with the process, provide some independence to the decisions made, and protect you from people like this - they are used to it and not emotionally involved.

Have a quick call with the other executor (you will have to for funeral stuff anyway I should think which has to come out of the estate as well). Divvy up who is looking at what and getting what valuations, you will likely need to go through alot of paperwork too. Get yourselves sorted for the funeral first and work out how that will be paid for. ANy specific requests ask for them in writing so they can be considered. DO NOT allow anyone access to properties or finances and make sure you have sets of keys for everything and if necessary get locks changed etc (again can be paid out of the estate)

With a large and complex estate will take time to sort and you are unlikely to be applying for probate for a few months while you establish what the assets are as well as sorting funeral arrangements and telling relevant authorities of his death. Even if its just cash in the bank there are lots of things to do and ensure happen properly as an executor.

Irrespective of whether they are chasing an update or not
If the deceased had them as a beneficiary, presumably HE liked them!

YANBU, a bunch of vultures.

Are you a beneficiary, OP? Maybe that's why they're being like this?

properties to complicate things especially if in other countries - I would def suggest a good lawyer with international experience and just direct beneficiaries there - do not engage with them regarding the monies just redirect every time.

Focus yourselves on the funeral etc.

@SpiderinaWingMirror

Do you want to be executor? You can relinquish. Or just hand it over to a solicitor. If it involves lots of money, property and beneficiaries and you don't benefit that is exactly what I would do tbh.

This.

It is a huge amount of work and a huge imposition IMO.

Don't accept the task if you'd rather not.

Hand it over to the solicitor whom will be paid for from the estate.

I'm sorry for your loss.

I also think being an executor is an official role (and one that you presumably agreed to). I think part of the role is letting beneficiaries know that they have been mentioned in the will (with a copy of the will for clarity) but that until it goes through probate you are not in a position to confirm whether there are enough assets to cover the legacy payments. If you are using solicitors then you can also direct them to the solicitor (who would usually let beneficiaries or direct family members have a copy of the will).

I don't think it's always about being grabby, sometimes people (particularly close family) want to know what is going on.

But you surely cant give any estimation of monetary values likely to be inherited until probate has been done?
Actually you have to have everything valued for Inheritance tax purposes before applying for probate. This is the biggest part of the process.
I think you have a handle on it @danettehealy. I said above that even with a solicitor you have to do most of the work and I see you have realised this. In this case I think you are absolutely right to have legal representation as it will help put you above criticism from the grabby.
Perhaps you could ask those who are pestering you to go via the solicitor in future if they are not happy to wait for your monthly updates?

I think you need to tell people to stop asking you and that you will advise when there is anything to advise on in due course. I'd also say that from now on, queries asking whether there is any news will be ignored.

Of course it's the people who are the least emotionally attached to the deceased who are being the most vocal about the will

@Pipsquiggle

Of course it's the people who are the least emotionally attached to the deceased who are being the most vocal about the will

Absolutely not necessarily

It’s possible they are looking out for the deceased and want to ensure that the executors administer appropriately

@Hizz This is why we are confused by the executor in our case saying theres no idea whatsoever, they have been brilliant in every other way, I respect hem a lot and we have a great relationship, but if feels odd they say theres no idea when they did the probate paperwork, the estate is broken down into percentages so a rough idea should be doable (My relative wouldn't have had many debts etc due to lifestyle so its taxes etc that will have an effect if any)

@danettehealy I agree with the previous poster who read your op to say you hadn't passed any information on at all, I think the sentence is a little misleading as it appears you have passed on all details you can from further posts. The people chasing, stealing and demanding are shocking. I asked once, around the 4 month mark, if there was any further information, was told not at this time so I haven't chased it. Interestingly I did have some acquaintances of my relative question me as to her POA, will and if I was executor whilst my relative was in hospital (they lived a good year and a bit following this!) including if I knew what was in the will. I was shocked by that and told the executor. I'm guessing relative had the measure of them though as I have a copy of the will due to being gifted and those 'friends' aren't included. I'm sure they are most put out.

One thing I would say though is that I had no idea about the processes and timeframes involved in settling an estate, the executor did advise very early on they anticipated at least a year as its not a simple estate, I then researched it all so I could understand(and support where I could, even just with a bit of empathy). Having never been in someones will (other than small gifts from grandparents) I had no clue how difficult and drawn out it can be.

Thank you for all your thoughts/knowledge/insight.

Someone said it best - executors are allowed to mourn too. It's been a month, we still don't know the exact cause of death - and we still aren't able to go ahead with the funeral (as a result of the aforementioned as well as waiting on a tox report). Yet artwork has been stolen, people are constantly asking about the process/money/how soon they can receive it. Again; everyone is allowed to ask/be curious - but it seems like any kind of decorum/respect has gone out the window. It's all horribly unsettling in-and-of-itself. That said; I have a role to fulfil - and that's what I'll do.

I'm aware people who have commented have had god-awful executors who mismanaged estates, kept people in the dark etc... and I'm also aware people who have commented have had terrible experiences with grabby relatives/people coming out of the woodwork. I truly can see both sides of the coin. Due to my profession (where I have to be impartial); it is fair to say I know why I was asked to be executor; so the implication that anything untoward is happening is insulting to say the least - especially when people are stealing artwork etc...

This is certainly not fun for anyone - and for those who have lost loved ones - you have my sincerest best wishes and sympathy.

I've seen the best of humanity in recent times - and the worst. The man didn't even go quietly!

What's that? I should open a bottle of wine..? Ok then. :)

Specific legacies should be paid out within 6 months. There is no Time limit for the residual beneficiary / beneficiaries.

@danettehealy

🍷🍷🍹🍸🥃🧉

I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like you're doing all the right things. I'm glad you've got solicitor's involved. I'd suggest ask the solicitors for a timeframe and communicate that to everyone and sternly say you are doing everything needed and the monthly updates and would ask for people to respectfully not harng you on a bi-weekly basis! I think those people clearly have no idea how long this process will be if they think something will happen from one week to next.

I'm very sorry for your loss.

Yes, executors are allowed to grieve too and there's a 'proper order' of things after someone dies that needs to be respected.

Setting someone to rest needs to happen before you start disposing of their possessions etc, surely?

The uncertainty around cause of your friend's death and a delayed funeral, presumably hanging over you over the Xmas holiday is enough to be dealing with.

Just tell people that you'll be in touch with an update after the funeral. Also, that you are upset and grieving and would be grateful for them respecting your situation and feelings.

If people continue to contact you, I think you'll need to be blunter ie do not contact me, I know what your queries are and as soon as I have more information I will be in touch.

@Nevertime

I am actually LOL at the idea that using a solicitor (which OP is doing) will speed things up. It would help OP enormously, but IME solicitors aren't in any hurry to distribute an estate.

This.

Could you report the person who stole artwork from the deceased's house to the Police?

If possible, I would change the locks on the property as it sounds like there may be other attempts to steal from the estate.

I am so sorry for your loss. Take as much time as you need. Your friend is giving gifts via his will, not repaying loans or wages. These people are not owed a thing.

I would tell them that you have received too many requests to respond to and you will be in touch once you know more.

Art work was stolen
And you and executors have not reported to police?

Unless this person is detailed as being entitled to that art work
You and executors are failing in your duties to the deceased by not or pursuing this with the police

If the estate is very large as in eg £20m it would be too much of a legal responsibility on you to go it right and you might be sued and probably best to give it up to a solicitor. The theft must be reported to the police urgently and the works got back. Someone should check who has access to properties and change the locks other than for those family members who live there etc.

If the estate is large as in £1m then you can probably handle it but even so report the theft to the police.

I would also as a side note prepare yourself to never know the exact cause of death, sometimes it will remain unknown. This can be very distressing