Beneficiaries already in touch.

[danettehealy]

Hi all,

My friend/former partner passed away a month ago. We were not married at any point - and remained on good terms for many years.

I am the executor of his will - something which I always knew about - even when we remained friends. The other executor is a mutual friend from our circle.

I have already had three people ask me to see the will (not for funeral purposes) - and if not exactly/directly that question - they have asked 'what's happening next?!' repeatedly. I feel totally out of it as his death was rather traumatising and questions such as 'Can I have this/that?' seem totally out of line. Someone asked for specific items three days after his passing.

The other executor and I haven't informed any beneficiaries yet - because we've yet to go through the whole probate process. When would be the 'right' time to inform them? Also, AIBU to be massively offended by the behaviour of some people?! I suspect it is because the estate is extremely large.

@Motheroftigers

I understand where you are coming from. However with your role as executor you are responsible for knowing what will happen next. And folks have a right to ask

You have took on an official role, so whilst you may be traumatised you still have to honour what you said you would do. If you cant do it - pass it on to the other person.

I have had experience where a beneficiary totally fucked family about making the whole process a lot worse/complicated than it should have been. I honestly think they thought people wouldn't ask and they would end up with everything themselves.

I'm not sure how you have extrapolated that I wouldn't do what was asked of me. If anything; it's been the total opposite.

There is literally nothing to report - but should people have questions; there is an encrypted channel (as per my previous post) where they can ask questions/make requests.

Obviously; nothing can be distributed until the probate process is complete, so to go to the deceased home and take items is outrageous. As I have also said; the funeral has yet to happen due to the waiting of tox reports. That is not in any of the executors' hands. To ask twice a week about money is very unbecoming. Let the man at least have a funeral!

Clearly; you've had a bad experience with executors who didn't fulfil their roles nor follow the wishes of the deceased.

OP sorry for your loss.
If you haven't applied for probate a month after their death that does sound fairly slow
That's not my experience - when I applied for probate for my Mum's will, it was just over a month after her death, and I felt she would have been very impressed (she was a great listmaker) at my dispatch!
You have to get evidence for the whole value of the estate before applying for probate - all accounts, shares, personal possessions, any land and property. Unless they had all their money in a single bank a/c and had had the house and possessions valued just before they died, it is going to take, you know, some time.
PPs are right in that handing the whole process over to solicitors is likely to slow things down - particularly now with various COVID and stamp duty related backlogs. I'd suggest bringing them in for specific queries, like confirming what the implications are of various bits of wording, sorting out Land Registry stuff if you're not confident, etc.

I'd be tempted to ignore repeated queries - best spend your time on executor work rather than drafting a repeat reply of what you already said a couple of weeks before!

To be honest, I’m wondering why you haven’t shared the will with all beneficiaries yet. Probate can take months if not years. They have a right to know, and to ge assured you’re carrying out the deceased wishes.
Set up a zoom with all named beneficiaries and the other executor, tell them what the will says and tell them the process of probate, with the expected timescale.

I'm on the other side of this - my mum died 3 months ago and her husband won't discuss the will, if there is one.
Hes claiming to be too upset which is pretty maddening as it feels like we are all trapped at this stage, at his discretion.
My personal feeling are that I hope the stages of probate and all that being over will sort of 'complete the circle'of her death. It would mean the world to me to know she had left even a small sum to her grandchildren. But since her husband is stalling I'm stuck not knowing.

@Lollyneenah

I'm on the other side of this - my mum died 3 months ago and her husband won't discuss the will, if there is one. Hes claiming to be too upset which is pretty maddening as it feels like we are all trapped at this stage, at his discretion. My personal feeling are that I hope the stages of probate and all that being over will sort of 'complete the circle'of her death. It would mean the world to me to know she had left even a small sum to her grandchildren. But since her husband is stalling I'm stuck not knowing.

I'm sorry you lost your mum, but why does your need to know trump the legal process of dealing with her estate?

It may be useful to read this.
www.irwinmitchell.com/personal/probate/probate-guide/beneficiary-rights#when

I have some experience of this in a complex situation. My suggestion would be to tell them that it will be a minimum of 6-12 months before the estate is settled (I am assuming as it is a large estate that there will be property you may need to sell etc). Give them a monthly update and no more, and change the locks - you need a valuation for Inheritance Tax. With some exceptions (for example funeral costs) you are legally not allowed to pay out monies to beneficiaries until you have probate, which you currently don't. There are some good books on this, but I see you have now engaged a solicitor so they will advise. Good luck!

@Lollyneenah

I'm on the other side of this - my mum died 3 months ago and her husband won't discuss the will, if there is one. Hes claiming to be too upset which is pretty maddening as it feels like we are all trapped at this stage, at his discretion. My personal feeling are that I hope the stages of probate and all that being over will sort of 'complete the circle'of her death. It would mean the world to me to know she had left even a small sum to her grandchildren. But since her husband is stalling I'm stuck not knowing.

I'm sorry for the loss of your mother. That must be awful in the already trying times in which we live.

I can see how her husband not discussing anything would be frustrating - especially three months down the line.

We have communicated as much as possible (there were also things we were specifically told not to discuss in the added 'letter of wishes' - so we bided by that too) as well as got the paperwork moving (also communicated) - but there is literally nothing new to tell. I was the one who set up the encrypted channel - to which everyone agreed was a good idea.

To steal property in the meantime is disgraceful. (The other executor who lives close to the deceased home has requested the stolen artwork back).

My issue is with the entitlement regarding money/high value items (he was an art collector/businessman). Not even sentimental items - which is obviously different (as I said in my previous posts).

We haven't even had a funeral yet! (The nature of his passing was very very traumatic - and we've yet to even get to the bottom of that! To ask for twice a week (regarding money) since his passing is awful).

I am shocked at the person saying that probate should have happened within the month. You might be able to do that with a very simple estate i.e. left to one person and a small number of assets. But most people I know who have done probate have had to find out the worth of shares, get a house valued, get details of various accounts including savings accounts, etc. And in some cases having to search through piles of paperwork to even know what accounts the person has.

Sorry just to clarify- I'm not in a rush to receive anything. I just would like him to tell us the will, or ask someone to help if he can't manage.
I'm not trying to rush the legal process unduly, or take her belongings or anything like that.

I don't understand why his needs (married to her for 5 years) trump her four childrens

@Lollyneenah Thats a tough situation, and I'm guessing not many people can understand the feeling unless they have been there. We have an executor who won't give any indication of what we have inherited and we're over six months into the process. Its not the receiving, its the weird feeling of having no say or control or understanding of our relatives wishes. It's a limbo, an uncomfortable feeling on top of grieving for a loved one.

@danettehealy

You are absolutely right to request the stolen artwork back. It is shocking. I really would change the locks and also check the insurance provision. Very sorry for your loss.

Why would you wait for probate, which can take ages, to inform the beneficiaries of the will?

@ButtonSister

Why would you wait for probate, which can take ages, to inform the beneficiaries of the will?

We have...? Where did I say we haven't?

Probate is taking ages due to covid. By all means let any beneficiries know in advance of any specific items (and get back nicked stuff/inform the police/change the locks!). But you surely cant give any estimation of monetary values likely to be inherited until probate has been done? As to people asking what's next, if they're not a beneficiary it's none of their business and they have no right to see the will until probate is published and they can download a copy as public record.
I'm not being an executor ever again as the bloody CFs come out of the woodwork!!!

@Snuggledupforwinter

Probate is taking ages due to covid. By all means let any beneficiries know in advance of any specific items (and get back nicked stuff/inform the police/change the locks!). But you surely cant give any estimation of monetary values likely to be inherited until probate has been done? As to people asking what's next, if they're not a beneficiary it's none of their business and they have no right to see the will until probate is published and they can download a copy as public record. I'm not being an executor ever again as the bloody CFs come out of the woodwork!!!

EXACTLY THIS!

@Redcherries that's exactly it, I'm sorry you're in the thick of it too. It's very hard to try to move on with your life when you have a big question mark, which some one else has the answer to.

OP- could you not do a reading of the will after the funeral and then advise a reasonable timescale- ie 12months before you would expect anything?

@ChicCroissant yes actually, I have been an executor. But what struck me from the initial post, is the impression that the OP wasn't planning to communicate in even the most basic way with the beneficaries, because she wasn't sure it was "the right time". I couldn't work out if she was too traumatised to do it, or too petulant - but either way surely she could provide some sort of holding response to the beneficiaries, as a month has elapsed?

Hi OP, are you receiving support from a solicitor? Sounds like the estate is complex you should if not currently. If you've got grabby beneficiaries with means, they may well lawyer up if they feel they aren't getting access to the estate fast enough.

It doesn't matter how grabby or how tasteless the enquiries are, you still have to perform your duties and I think the OP is conflating these two issues.

@Eleganz @Coffeepot72 @Redcherries

Please see ALL my posts.

Completely can see both sides of the coin.

An executors role is the fulfil the wishes of the deceased and act according. Obviously; if someone is not up to it; they should pass it on. There should be communication (or certainly open lines of communication) and people should be reachable on both sides. I was the one who suggested as well as set all this up - to the thanks of beneficiaries too.

Funnily enough; the IMMEDIATE family members (who were obviously closest to my departed friend) haven't been the ones kicking up a fuss - it's friends, former business partners - and then distant/outside family members - who have had the most to say - and by 'say' I mean ask twice weekly about money, not once even offer any condolences, steal items from the home (artwork) etc... I think this disgusting given we haven't even had funeral yet - and the fact that it's been 4 weeks since my friend passed (and we don't even know the exact cause of death as we are waiting on a tox report).

I'd suggest the Executors instruct a solicitor to obtain Probate. At the same time instruct the solicitor to contact all beneficiaries and advise of their appointment, and say that all of the estate and its distribution would be dealt with by them on behalf of the Executors. Then you simply give everyone the name, address and phone number of the solicitor and tell them that you have instructed solicitors so that everything is dealt with legally and properly.

@danettehealy I took this statement to read that you are not telling people the contents of the will, which would include not telling them if they are beneficiaries. Its an ambiguous statement.
The other executor and I haven't informed any beneficiaries yet - because we've yet to go through the whole probate process. When would be the 'right' time to inform them?
If the estate is very big and complicated do consider delegating your executor power to a professional - the whole process can be incredibly time consuming and stressful, especially if there are multiple assets and/or beneficiaries and tax implications.

Sorry for your loss @danettehealy

You said you've set up an (encrypted) account for all beneficiaries to communicate, with a monthly update which everyone agreed was sufficient. I suggest you put an out of office auto-response on the email stating there's no further progress to report, updates will be sent out in due course, and any emailed requests for non-valuable personal mementos will be noted. I'd put a date on it, and then go in and change the date every two weeks or every month.

That way everyone can see the email account is being monitored, and you won't need to respond individually to the pregnant person who's bugging you every few days.

Good luck with it all - when PIL passed away within a few weeks of each other, probate took way more than a year, almost two years, even though they had mirror wills and their affairs were in order. Some things can't be rushed - sounds like you've got everything in hand despite the slightly ambiguous tone of your OP, don't let people badger you unnecessarily.

@ButtonSister As per my posts following that; I clarified that we had contacted them (by MY initiation), but not (obviously) been able to distribute until the probate process was completed. There are home in the US and Australia too that are part of the estate as well as cars, artwork, shares, multiple banks accounts etc...

There is no timeframe as yet there's nothing since to report. Even if there was an indicator; that would be useful to pass on. (Like I said; we've yet to deal with the funeral!)

RE: will - it's simply a waiting game/due process. As you'll see from my other posts; the (stolen) artwork has yet to be returned, but there's certainly nothing happening anytime soon regardless. All paperwork was submitted - but there's yet queries regarding the money/how soon etc... (One person who is pregnant seems desperate for the cash - and has been asking twice a week). Seems bizarre (to put it mildly) given that we haven't had a funeral yet. We have also since instructed lawyers to deal with it - but yet the beneficiaries won't relent. (Bear in mind; there are two executors - and the other has just as many requests!)