Wanting to tell 44 weeks and breech friend she's risking her baby?

[scottishlass43]

My friend is 44 weeks pregnant with a footling breech. She's determined to have a natural birth at home with another friend of ours who's a midwife. She's been declining all intervention till now and has no cut off point - she wants to let the baby come naturally and doesn't want scans or any monitoring. She refuses to consider a c-section.

She's older (late thirties) and has been waiting for several years for this baby. I have no idea why she'd risk it now.

AIBU wanting to tell her what I think? Am I (and other worried friends) overreacting? Does anyone know of anyone who's done this, and how it went?

[quote shouldistop]@Blondeshavemorefun ive had 2 babies and never had a 28 week scan. That isn't the norm. 12 & 20 weeks are usually the only scans. [/quote]
I was the same. Only 2 scans here at 12 and 20 weeks.

Is the father involved? What's he saying?

My son was born at 40+10. They asked me if I was a smoker as the placenta was so grainy and degraded. I wasn't and never have been so they concluded it was due to being 10 days over.

How would you feel if she were pressured into hospital, and something still went wrong? Every woman I know who's gone into hospital have had birth injuries of varying severity; the worst case was her daughter was born brain damaged because of medical error. I'm not saying your friend is right, but ultimately it's her body and her decision.

@User12398712

If she is into natural birth, hypnobirthing, woo stuff etc, it may be worth telling her to listen to her body. If it isn't going into labour by this stage, it may mean that her body knows that the baby isn't going to be born naturally.

This is a good idea to try! I might phrase it like this

If she’s been having sweeps you could make a pretty educated guess it was a footling breech combined with a palpation. It’s really not impossible to confirm without a scan.

My sil had a still birth at exactly 40 weeks. True knot in the cord. Terrible terrible time
Rest of us actually didn’t get to 40 weeks as it was all so raw and recent that induction was allowed.
It was made so clear that the risk of still birth rapidly increased after X weeks (can’t remember details)
None of the next generation have gone beyond 41 weeks either. All taken first offer of induction. Why risk it when you’ve lived it

@asha456

Is the father involved? What's he saying?

No idea. We'd love to know what he thinks.

[quote scottishlass43]@Ozanj I may have got the scan details wrong 🤷‍♀️ And she had a later one to confirm breech. I know she's declined all scans recently for sure.[/quote]
Oh

Might be a stupid idea but could you ring her maternity hospital and inform them? Maybe they could get involved somehow?

Yikes, I hope she sees sense soon.

So you don’t actually know the details?

She’s gone nuts but you can’t tell her if she’s not listening.

I think when pregnant people often get very focussed on the birth as the end of the pregnancy and lose focus on the child that will result. I don't think sharing stories about bad outcomes is going to change your friend's mind as she has done 'research' but this is a very urgent situation. Perhaps the way to go is to try to shift her focus from the birth to the child and what would be best for it over it's whole lifetime (clearly to be born as soon as possible at minimal risk - i.e. a C-section today). The birth looms very large but in a few months/years it will seem like nothing in comparison with the job of parenting the child.

Ozanj I'm on my second pregnancy and unless you're sent for a growth scan or there's another complication you only have 12 and 20 week scans. From having a quick Google I think this is standard in England.

Pregnant people? Must ask dh how he’s avoided pg this long.

Oh god, what is she thinking? This makes me feel really uncomfortable. I can't see the odds being in the favour of this ending well. Why would anyone risk the health or life of their unborn baby?!!

I'd have to tell her strongly what I felt. I don't think I could have it on my conscience if I didn't and something terrible happened. She needs a wake up call. If the friendship suffered so be it.

How would you feel if she were pressured into hospital, and something still went wrong?

If something went wrong, it absolutely wouldn't be because she was going too early at 44 weeks.

And if we're talking about other things going wrong, which is the bigger risk? A hospital full of trained doctors and nurses, or the home of the first time mother with no medical training?

I went to 42 weeks as midwives wouldn't believe me with my dates. Both of us nearly died but because my precious c section scar almost ruptured, not I don't think, because I was over due.

Please please please do all you can. I have heard of someone who had a still birth at 38/9 weeks and she had had difficulty conceiving and had had miscarriages. Seems worse somehow, even though there is no rate card.

Scary OP. Hope all goes well for her.

@Fluffycloudland77

Pregnant people? Must ask dh how he’s avoided pg this long.

I thought that too.

@scottishlass43 is the midwife doing sweeps an NHS midwife?

I remember my midwife saying that she knew a woman who refused intervention at 43 weeks and sadly the baby died.

@Rocket1982

I think when pregnant people often get very focussed on the birth as the end of the pregnancy and lose focus on the child that will result. I don't think sharing stories about bad outcomes is going to change your friend's mind as she has done 'research' but this is a very urgent situation. Perhaps the way to go is to try to shift her focus from the birth to the child and what would be best for it over it's whole lifetime (clearly to be born as soon as possible at minimal risk - i.e. a C-section today). The birth looms very large but in a few months/years it will seem like nothing in comparison with the job of parenting the child.

Which people get pregnant?

So she’s refusing all intervention apart from the 3rd trimester scan that showed that the baby footling breech, which, just by the by is one of the riskiest positions?