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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Wanting to tell 44 weeks and breech friend she's risking her baby?

738 replies

scottishlass43 · 12/12/2021 11:16

My friend is 44 weeks pregnant with a footling breech. She's determined to have a natural birth at home with another friend of ours who's a midwife. She's been declining all intervention till now and has no cut off point - she wants to let the baby come naturally and doesn't want scans or any monitoring. She refuses to consider a c-section.

She's older (late thirties) and has been waiting for several years for this baby. I have no idea why she'd risk it now.

AIBU wanting to tell her what I think? Am I (and other worried friends) overreacting? Does anyone know of anyone who's done this, and how it went?

OP posts:
iwanttobeonleave · 12/12/2021 17:58

Please tell us how this ends OP. What a terrifying situation, I feel sorry for you having to witness it, albeit from afar.

MinnieMountain · 12/12/2021 17:59

I’m sure I read somewhere recently that the reason there’s not enough data over 42 weeks is that the studies into it were quickly deemed too risky to carry on.

MinnieMountain · 12/12/2021 18:00

Here you go: www.bmj.com/content/367/bmj.l6131

Jacaranda75 · 12/12/2021 18:03

Madness. The risks are well documented. And as for the midwife friend... words fail me.

RampantIvy · 12/12/2021 18:03

I’m sure I read somewhere recently that the reason there’s not enough data over 42 weeks is that the studies into it were quickly deemed too risky to carry on.

That would make sense. It isn't considered ethical to make pregnant women guinea pigs, hence why there was insufficient data about the covid vaccines and their effects on pregnancy when they were first rolled out.

Branleuse · 12/12/2021 18:03

I think mary cronk herself, the queen of breech birth radical midwifery would be suggesting a C section at 44 weeks if labour hadnt started

endofthelinefinally · 12/12/2021 18:04

IMO and IME the only midwife who would be covered by insurance in this situation would be an NHS midwife attending an emergency situation as a result of the mother refusing care.
Any other midwife would probably not be covered unless the whole case had been assessed NHS lawyers and indemnity of the NHS staff agreed.
A private midwife would probably be considered to have invalidated their insurance due to malpractice.
I have been out with the obstetric flying squad to unbooked (no antenatal care) deliveries, one of which did end very badly, but as we had done the best we could we were covered by NHS insurance.
It is an awful situation though.

IncompleteSenten · 12/12/2021 18:05

I'd have to say something.
This has the potential to go horribly wrong and you'd never forgive yourself if you hadn't at least tried.

Globaluser · 12/12/2021 18:07

I can’t quite believe how stupid and fucking selfish this woman is being.

What’s this research she banging on about?? I’ve only found negative stuff.

www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/she-wanted-freebirth-no-doctors-online-groups-convinced-her-it-n1140096

Jacaranda75 · 12/12/2021 18:08

I remember seeing a chart when I was pregnant with my first DC, so a few years ago. According to this chart, by 44 weeks your chances of stillbirth are 1 in 12.

teaandchocolate1 · 12/12/2021 18:10

This is horrible. She must be mad. Her poor baby.

NandorTheRelentless · 12/12/2021 18:11

@RedRobyn2021

The comments in this thread make me sick to my stomach.

If I was her and you spouted some of this to me, I would never ever forgive you.

Please don't say anything. It's not your place, she has looked at the risks and chosen to birth her baby the way she wants.

Honestly, I don't know if I'm even going to stay on this site after reading through these comments, I'm absolutely disgusted. Some women have actually talked about forcing her to have her baby against her will.

My best friends brother was born naturally footling breach. It's people like the women in this thread which make me frightened to have anymore children, not birth itself.

Jesus, maybe you shouldnt stay. If you are willing to allow a baby to die due to fear of whatever she has in her head
reesewithoutaspoon · 12/12/2021 18:14

@RampantIvy

I’m sure I read somewhere recently that the reason there’s not enough data over 42 weeks is that the studies into it were quickly deemed too risky to carry on.

That would make sense. It isn't considered ethical to make pregnant women guinea pigs, hence why there was insufficient data about the covid vaccines and their effects on pregnancy when they were first rolled out.

Absolutely. No ethical commitee would ever allow that study because of the known risks. You would essentially have to have a control group of women going normal term and another group allowed to let nature take its course and all evidence shows that after term the placenta starts to degrade so there are increased chances of stillbirth. How many babies would you allow to die just to get accurate figures on the increased risk? Its never going to happen
Mumadof3 · 12/12/2021 18:18

Wow I really hope you update soon that's shes has a happy healthy baby. I did do some research into this at one point in life and it seemed they didn't have to data for going way over 42 weeks I have heard of women doing it though

AnOldCynic · 12/12/2021 18:26

There's also the size of the baby to consider. Going overdue means the baby can just keep on growing and it'll be even harder for her in labour.

Mary46 · 12/12/2021 18:27

I never heard of going that long to 44w. So risky.

ifeelabitsad · 12/12/2021 18:27

Shamelessly place marking in the hope of a happy outcome.

Lagomtransplant · 12/12/2021 18:27

Placenta goes into rapid decline in function after 42 weeks. This needs yo be reported somewhere, she's going to lose the baby.

Rainartist · 12/12/2021 18:33

I know someone who did the same, nearly 40 much longed for baby. I don't think there is much anyone can say/do though, if they ignored medical advice.

Thing is although the risk is say 1/12 the 11 who had a healthy baby will maintain how right they were to what they did. They won't learn from the situation unless the worst happens and no-one would wish that on anyone.

I don't think there's anything you can say/do op I'm afraid, she has made her ridiculously stupid decision.

BrocolliFloret · 12/12/2021 18:37

I wouldn’t let a child die or be born with disability because I was worried of causing offence.

It’s possible she doesn’t know the risks. With my first I wanted it to go overdue as I intuitively thought the longer they were cooked the better. Send her some stats.

onlyreadingneverposting8 · 12/12/2021 18:38

Personally think she's bonkers! Particularly nowadays when we have accuracy in the scans/dating if pregnancy and knowledge of placenta decline etc. and with a breech... 😱🤯

I was born at 44 weeks 45 years ago weighing 6lb 11oz - but as above that was before accurate scanning and the knowledge we have now.

Rainartist · 12/12/2021 18:39

Oh and the woman's partner confided that the placenta was dried up and disintegrating. I think he realised how close to the wind they sailed I'm not sure she did though and it became the first of many unusual parental decisions they are making which are based on dubious research. It is essentially their business though, not mine but its unfortunate they lack the ability to objectively see the effects on their child, who they seem to treat as some kind of experiment... Sad

GrealishHairband · 12/12/2021 18:40

Unless she has engaged in absolutely no antenatal care whatsoever there is absolutely no chance that she is unaware of the risks.

santasmuma · 12/12/2021 18:44

The comments in this thread make me sick to my stomach.

If I was her and you spouted some of this to me, I would never ever forgive you.

If you were acting so irresponsibly towards your unborn child o would be happy for our friendship to end

Please don't say anything. It's not your place, she has looked at the risks and chosen to birth her baby the way she wants.

Has she really thought? If she had I suspect she would not be taking this track

Honestly, I don't know if I'm even going to stay on this site after reading through these comments, I'm absolutely disgusted.

Feel free to leave. Seems a bit odd to leave a parenting site because people are concerned for life though, most flouncers go because they didn't get their opinion validated

Some women have actually talked about forcing her to have her baby against her will.

My best friends brother was born naturally footling breach. It's people like the women in this thread which make me frightened to have anymore children, not birth itself.

Your best friends brother was probably not 44 weeks without medical support? If the women in this thread who are advocating for the life of an unborn child are your reason it to have more children you really need to question yourself.

RobinPenguins · 12/12/2021 18:47

My best friends brother was born naturally footling breach. It's people like the women in this thread which make me frightened to have anymore children, not birth itself.

If you think these actions are remotely acceptable then you probably shouldn’t be having more anyway.