Wanting to tell 44 weeks and breech friend she's risking her baby?

[scottishlass43]

My friend is 44 weeks pregnant with a footling breech. She's determined to have a natural birth at home with another friend of ours who's a midwife. She's been declining all intervention till now and has no cut off point - she wants to let the baby come naturally and doesn't want scans or any monitoring. She refuses to consider a c-section.

She's older (late thirties) and has been waiting for several years for this baby. I have no idea why she'd risk it now.

AIBU wanting to tell her what I think? Am I (and other worried friends) overreacting? Does anyone know of anyone who's done this, and how it went?

I was induced at 37 weeks due to placental failure (plus other issues during the pregnancy, like low AF).

It came out in pieces, like a dried up sponge.

I’d been in hospital from 28 weeks. Scanned twice a week.

That was my first baby so I knew the placenta wasn’t normal, but it wasn’t until 2 years later when I had my second that I realised just how bad it was and how close to death my eldest had been.

That someone would willingly do this makes me sick. It’s not her fucking life she’s playing with. Does regret not having an abortion or something?!

Show her this thread OP.
The poor baby... really anxious for him/her now.
Honestly even if all goes well (hopefully) do you really want to be friends with someone like this.

As someone who has had a stillbirth (and I wasn’t overdue), this makes me furious, i loathe the free birthing movement. She is risking her babies life for her own selfish idea of what birth should be. If her baby dies, she will never, ever forgive herself. Please say something. The placenta absolutely does degrade hence why the guidelines have been changed to offer induction before 42 weeks.

A relative left her full term baby to come naturally as "doctors don't know anything". Baby was still born and had been that way for quite a while. 😥

Please tell her how risky this is - honestly the outcome of this isn't going to be good

I can’t believe the midwife friend has agreed to this !

@RedRobyn2021

OP you are doing the right thing to keep your opinions to yourself, she doesn't need negativity from you

She is not risking her baby, what utter bs some of these comments are ridiculous. How have we survived as a human race??? Do you people realise due dates are meaningless, they are just guessing

Of course she is risking her baby! There is a reason why less women die childbirth now compared to years ago.

Are all the stories here of how medical professionals have advised that some women would never go in to labour naturally not enough?

I misread your first comment as to feeling sick about the comments you read as being directed to the mother rather than the posters here. Because I felt sick to the stomach when I heard these relatives of mine (like so many others it seems) were leaving the fate of their child to their ridiculous notion of science, as I had direct experience of the fallout from such a decision through my line of work.

I’m sure that’s factually true but there is absolutely no need to use such graphic language on a parental site when many of us are pregnant or have babies. You could have phrased it very differently

on the contrary I think some people need a reality check
(not the poor women who have experienced tragedy, obviously, but the people who think nature knows best)

Graphic language? What part was graphic, exactly? Because I didn’t describe a damn thing.

40 weeks is a statistical average, not a target.

My DC are now in their 30's. The first was 19 days over 40 weeks, the second was 18 and the third was 16. My consultant was old school - I asked him how long he would leave it before recommending induction and he said the longest he'd been happy with was 44 weeks. My DC were all around the 8.5 mark, not huge. No induction with any of them, but they were all hospital births. I was also an 'elderly primigravida',

It sounds like the OP's friend is being very unwise due the breech presentation, but I do worry about the rush to induce when the natural length of a pregnancy can vary by weeks.

@ohYesIKnowWhatYouMean

40 weeks is a statistical average, not a target.

My DC are now in their 30's. The first was 19 days over 40 weeks, the second was 18 and the third was 16. My consultant was old school - I asked him how long he would leave it before recommending induction and he said the longest he'd been happy with was 44 weeks. My DC were all around the 8.5 mark, not huge. No induction with any of them, but they were all hospital births. I was also an 'elderly primigravida',

It sounds like the OP's friend is being very unwise due the breech presentation, but I do worry about the rush to induce when the natural length of a pregnancy can vary by weeks.

30 years ago maybe, but know better do better? Come on.

[quote ToughTittyWhompus]@ShirleyPhallus Tasteless? Factual. If a baby dies in utero, and it’s been in there a few weeks, it won’t look like a usual stillborn baby. I know because I’ve had to look at photos in the course of my job.[/quote]
People need to hear it if they’re willing to take the risk.

I read a thread a while back where someone knew here bay by had died inside her and she was looking for support on here before going in to give birth. A lady was explaining what the baby will look like because she found that particular part harrowing when she went through it, the unexpected.

@FTEngineerM can’t believe it’s been deleted because one person had a strop, none of what I wrote was graphic, I didn’t describe anything and I didn’t break guidelines. Ridiculous.

People need to hear it if they’re willing to take the risk.

Literally no one on this thread has said it’s a good idea to take the risk

So not really necessary to post that kind of stuff on here is it?

I also think whilst disturbing to realise, it’s needed.

Stillborn babies don’t always look like a sleeping newborn that parents can get beautiful last photos of. Heartbreaking to know but it’s true

@ShirleyPhallus

People need to hear it if they’re willing to take the risk.

Literally no one on this thread has said it’s a good idea to take the risk

So not really necessary to post that kind of stuff on here is it?

Oh please. If I’d actually described what I’d seen, which I wouldn’t, I’d understand. If you don’t like the harsh realities of biology, then I can’t help you.

@Soubriquet
@ToughTittyWhompus

I didn’t know that. Very, very sad.

@ohYesIKnowWhatYouMean

40 weeks is a statistical average, not a target.

My DC are now in their 30's. The first was 19 days over 40 weeks, the second was 18 and the third was 16. My consultant was old school - I asked him how long he would leave it before recommending induction and he said the longest he'd been happy with was 44 weeks. My DC were all around the 8.5 mark, not huge. No induction with any of them, but they were all hospital births. I was also an 'elderly primigravida',

It sounds like the OP's friend is being very unwise due the breech presentation, but I do worry about the rush to induce when the natural length of a pregnancy can vary by weeks.

And from 1984 to 2020, the rate of stillbirths has decreased from 5.7 to 3.8 per thousand. More is known now, which is why induction is recommended earlier. It’s not just for fun, it’s to reduce the level of stillbirths.

@Soubriquet

I also think whilst disturbing to realise, it’s needed.

Stillborn babies don’t always look like a sleeping newborn that parents can get beautiful last photos of. Heartbreaking to know but it’s true

Fortunately it’s very rare that what I saw happens. Almost all were due to the woman being in denial of being pregnant/not knowing/being too drug addled to notice.

However there are too many women out there now with their romanticised bullshit notions of birth that are wilfully risking it. And that makes me angry.

@ShirleyPhallus

People need to hear it if they’re willing to take the risk.

Literally no one on this thread has said it’s a good idea to take the risk

So not really necessary to post that kind of stuff on here is it?

To be fair, one poster did and said she'd never forgive anyone who told her otherwise, and might leave MN over the fact that so many of us are wtf-ing over it.

She'll be thinking we're the bad guys.

Please correct me if I'm wrong but I thought you were induced after 2 weeks past your due date as the placenta stops working....