Dating... Great guy but hate his clothes

[Shawaddywaddeee]

AIBU?

Met a lovely guy, only been dating about a month
He's funny, kind, genuine, honest, generous
But
He's not great in bed and his dress sense is awful

Can these things be changed?
Or do you think I should just finish it now?

Well, maybe he dumps you because your dress sense is awful? And you are shallow?

His dress sense can't be that bad if you've slept with him.

Well if he's a nice guy both dress sense & lack of sexual knowledge can be improved, as long as he's willing to be improved.
If he's amenable to a clothes shop tripping & some practical sex education from yourself then you got a keeper there.
But if he thinks he's perfect as he is then bin.
This is coming from experience but I unfortunately didn't take my own advice all those years & I binned the wrong man

I mean 'clothes shopping trip' not tripping.
And 'I didn't take notice of my own advice all those years ago.'
Obviously it would help if I proof read my post before hitting reply

I think it can be changed. I don’t think you should change it.

Imagine how you would feel if a new boyfriend sat you down and said ‘I’m willing to keep seeing you, but your clothes don’t fit what I like. I want you to change how you dress.’ I would feel upset and uncomfortable. If you found his dress sense so off putting why go out with him in the first place?

Why would you keep dating someone who isn't good in bed though?

The sex can be changed, as in talking about what you like etc, the clothes, no and it's a bit mean to try to.

What don’t you like about his clothes? If the sexes were reversed and a man told a woman to change the way they dressed, everyone would say he was controlling.

One of my friends changed her now DHs terrible dress sense by buying him new clothing for birthday and Christmas and making suggestions when they were shopping together. She came clean to him eventually and he thought it was funny so I guess it depends how sensitive he might be about it.

I wonder what he thinks of your dress sense. Maybe it’s not to his taste but he likes you as a person?

Nope, get rid.
He can change dress sense, but if he is crap in bed that won't improve.

This morning my boyfriend sat me down and said, "I think you're a really great person but I don't really like to be seen out with you so I need you to overhaul your wardrobe to dress more in a style I like. Oh and you need to put out a bit more in bed and think of my needs. If you do both of these things, I'm prepared to carry on seeing you." What do you think I should do?

Cue MN heads going 🤯

There are ways & means of doing it subtly as in buying new clothes for birthdays/presents or suggesting that 'this top' would look great on you, why don't you try it.
No one in their right mind barges in & says your dress sense is crap.
Same with sex, you don't say 'god you're crap in bed'
You point out what you like, suggest things to try, watch movies, read books, just practice practice practice!

@madisonbridges

This morning my boyfriend sat me down and said, "I think you're a really great person but I don't really like to be seen out with you so I need you to overhaul your wardrobe to dress more in a style I like. Oh and you need to put out a bit more in bed and think of my needs. If you do both of these things, I'm prepared to carry on seeing you." What do you think I should do?

Cue MN heads going 🤯

She doesn't need to say any of this.

Bin him for the clothes, possible work on the sex.

Fuckit. Bin him.

This was my husband when we met! I’ve changed his dress sense - slowly
over the years with encouragement and praise. And as for the sex, he’s a good guy so he was willing to learn! Id say don’t write him off yet, he could be Mr Perfecf.

I think the sexual compatibility is the issue here. I would find it controlling if a partner told me how to dress, but if you’re struggling with a fundamental issue in the relationship, it’s not going to work long term.

What does 'not great in bed' actually mean?

Kisses sloppy?
Hip Movements are not in sync?
Doesn't go down on you?
Ejaculates too quick?
All of the above?

@Monkeychutney

This was my husband when we met! I’ve changed his dress sense - slowly over the years with encouragement and praise. And as for the sex, he’s a good guy so he was willing to learn! Id say don’t write him off yet, he could be Mr Perfecf.

Mine too ! The sex was easy to change - he'd only ever been with his ex wife and just didn't have a clue that there were other ways to do things. I just educated him , and all is well. Same with clothes - I took him window shopping and pointed out men's fashions that I thought would suit him, he got the idea and now dresses just fine.

If this guy is nice and willing to try different things, you might just have a keeper.

This guy is probably sitting in a pub with his mates now and tells his mates:I mate a nice woman,she is fun to be with,but she is also very shallow and it puts me of sex really.should I dump her now or tell her,unless she can change her shallow attitude towards life,there is no relationship.

*met

I went shopping with my husband last week and bought him a jumper for Christmas. He was a bit bemused because he already had one without holes in it so didn't understand why he needed another. If your BF doesn't see the point in nice clothes then his dress sense is unlikely to improve without a little help.

I think the dress sense thing is a non issue, but you’re not compatible in bed, so I wouldn’t pursue it. Life’s too short.

I take it that none of you who are accusing the OP of being shallow, have never dated a guy who goes around in shorts constantly (like the posties do) in cold weather and nights out? And believe it or not, some men still wear the clothes that their mother buys for them. I might be projecting again 😖.

So many men have absolutely no interest in clothes. I would take funny, kind, genuine, honest, generous over ‘well dressed’ any day.

As for ‘crap in bed’ - it takes two to make it work. Maybe you’re just not a good match (for him).

How old is he?