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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to lie to DD just so that we don't offend other people's religious and cultural sentiments?

380 replies

AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 22:18

I (and the majority of people) don't believe in this. We know it's not true. I have told DD that I don't believe in it but it's a nice story based loosely on history and that some others do believe it. She can make Up her own mind.

However, now the country I live in has very strong feelings on this matter. I feel that because of peer pressure I need to tell DD either that it is true or ask her to keep quiet about it or her friends will feel bad. I'm worried that if she'll voice her disbelief in the existence of this entity both the other kids and their parents will be offended and possibly ostracise her for it. I'm not exaggerating. Even the Catholic diocese had to apologise today for the comments of one of its bishops who inadvertently told kids the truth.

I'm tempted to lie to her just so that she won't offend anyone. I really don't want to. I don't think I should have to.

What would you do? Would you pretend that Santa exists even though you know that's not true? I love Christmas. I love all the Christmas traditions. The lights, the decorations, advent calendars, Christmas cookies. Even Christmas carols.
Why do kids need to believe in a mythical figure to make christmas magical? Isn't the other stuff enough? If it was any other religious or cultural sentiment would I be expected to lie and go against my beliefs to enable other people to continue with their deceit?

OP posts:
LittleDandelionClock · 11/12/2021 23:00

@JHMJHM

Also i definitely noted that the kids whose families told them the 'truth' about FC took a wierd delight in breaking it to the other kids in primary. Not kindly. It doesnt feel like it comes from a place of kindness more making little kids feel like idiots.
This. It's nasty and spiteful. There is no nice or good reason for it.
LittleDandelionClock · 11/12/2021 23:00

@AliveAndSleeping

Because it's not magical. Because I think Christmas is special and beautiful enough without some made up nonsense about a random guy breaking and entering. I think it's sad that you can't enjoy all these beautiful fun traditions (tree, decorations, presents, family, etc) without needing a lie to make it special...

Oh FFS get a life eh? Hmm You sound so miserable. What a bloody fun sponge you are!

Keeping2ChevronsApart · 11/12/2021 23:01

Is it because you want to take the credit for the presents?

And Santa doesn't do breaking and entering, he has a magic key

Original poster
AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 23:01

@changing221

I tell my kids Santa isn't real. Really don't give a fuck if they tell other kids, that's on the parents of those kids to make their counter claim.
I do give a fuck. I wish it wasn't such s big deal to other people so I could happily and honestly discuss with DD what I believe in without having to worry that another kids' Christmas is ruined.
OP posts:
BoredZelda · 11/12/2021 23:01

But why? If it was any other belief or any other religion the daily mail and their pals would explode in righteous anger over being forced to belief in some made up shit.

Nonsense.

Kids telling their friends Santa doesn’t exist is no different to kids telling their religious friends there is no god.

JHMJHM · 11/12/2021 23:02

@HardbackWriter guess so! Not a hill i would die on. My kids just grew out of it but we all very much enjoyed the believing years. Felt healthy and positive to me. Not a horrid negative lie.

ForgedInFire · 11/12/2021 23:02

Maybe I'm soppy but I think its beautiful that a large part of our culture comes together to collude in this myth. Don't teach your kids to believe in Father Christmas if you want, but respect that it is an important cultural tradition for many people. Respect it the same way you would (hopefully) respect other cultural traditions that you don't personally partake in.

drpet49 · 11/12/2021 23:04

* Father Christmas is a nice story and a fun bit of make belief but the fervent way in which people insist that children MUST believe for as long as possible is very weird to me.*

^I agree

LettertoHermoine · 11/12/2021 23:04

@ForgedInFire

Maybe I'm soppy but I think its beautiful that a large part of our culture comes together to collude in this myth. Don't teach your kids to believe in Father Christmas if you want, but respect that it is an important cultural tradition for many people. Respect it the same way you would (hopefully) respect other cultural traditions that you don't personally partake in.
This.
kowari · 11/12/2021 23:04

@JHMJHM

Also i definitely noted that the kids whose families told them the 'truth' about FC took a wierd delight in breaking it to the other kids in primary. Not kindly. It doesnt feel like it comes from a place of kindness more making little kids feel like idiots.
How do you know there weren't others who didn't believe but didn't go out of their way to upset anyone? I taught DS to just say what he believed if anything like FC or religion came up, not to say anyone else's beliefs weren't true.
mumsiedarlingrevolta · 11/12/2021 23:04
Xmas Biscuit
LittleDandelionClock · 11/12/2021 23:04

@ForgedInFire

Maybe I'm soppy but I think its beautiful that a large part of our culture comes together to collude in this myth. Don't teach your kids to believe in Father Christmas if you want, but respect that it is an important cultural tradition for many people. Respect it the same way you would (hopefully) respect other cultural traditions that you don't personally partake in.
This. ^ Well said. As said, to go telling children 'Santa is not real!' is just spiteful. Why do it? It's not altruism, and it's not anything helpful or positive or nice. It's just bloody mean. The most unpleasant people do it. Nobody nice would do it.
Original poster
AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 23:05

@Livpool

I don't believe in God bit wouldn't tell my 'truth' to believers. Why would I?!
Kids talk to each other and discuss stuff. Dd wouldn't ram it down anyone's throat but she might mention it. I resent having to tell her that it's better if she doesn't talk about it or tells other kids what she believes.

You can see just on this thread how nasty some people are willing to be if you even just question the need for Santa.

OP posts:
Mamanyt · 11/12/2021 23:05

Why do it? Because for most of us, it is not so much a lie, as a lovely bit of make-believe and magic that happens once a year, and for only a handful of years. I was always told that Santa/Father Christmas was a spirit, and that's why he could go all around the world in one night. Later, when the "truth" came out, he became the Spirit of Giving, that inspired parents and others. It was a gentle, seamless transition.

Borntobedifferent · 11/12/2021 23:06

Because for a few lovely years they get to believe in a bit of magic and then when they know the secret they get to feel special and grown up.

You can do Santa without basing your Christmas round it. Many families do a stocking and 1 gift from Santa.

LittleDandelionClock · 11/12/2021 23:07

@Mamanyt

Why do it? Because for most of us, it is not so much a lie, as a lovely bit of make-believe and magic that happens once a year, and for only a handful of years. I was always told that Santa/Father Christmas was a spirit, and that's why he could go all around the world in one night. Later, when the "truth" came out, he became the Spirit of Giving, that inspired parents and others. It was a gentle, seamless transition.
This ^ is lovely. Flowers Smile
icedcoffees · 11/12/2021 23:07

@JingleJingleAllTheWay

Please just let your child be a child.
Why does that have to involve believing in Santa? Confused
Livpool · 11/12/2021 23:07

But OP why does it matter to you? I have a friend who believes in Islam - I would never feel the need to tell her I think it is all hokum! Same with Christianity or Judaism to me

It isn't a big conspiracy you know

TrishM80 · 11/12/2021 23:08

It's only a bit of fun for children for the few short years they believe in Santa, no need to be such a joy vacuum to prove what an uber- sophisticated, ultra- modern parent you are.

LittleDandelionClock · 11/12/2021 23:08

@AliveAndSleeping

You can see just on this thread how nasty some people are willing to be if you even just question the need for Santa.

Oh the IRONY! Hmm

And you can't even see it!

JHMJHM · 11/12/2021 23:08

There is not loads to discuss though is there. Its a quick chat to explain you arent into it but dont be mean about other kids excitement especially the little ones. My kids are older but we have tinies in our family and mine totally get not to spoil it for them. No big discussion just a 'yeah ok get it mum'. If they did drop the FC truthbomb to our tiny nieces and nephews i would be bloody furious. Simply because it would be a spiteful thing to do. Not because i care massively about old nick.

Original poster
AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 23:08

@BoredZelda

But why? If it was any other belief or any other religion the daily mail and their pals would explode in righteous anger over being forced to belief in some made up shit.

Nonsense.

Kids telling their friends Santa doesn’t exist is no different to kids telling their religious friends there is no god.

Exactly. If I'd said I told DD that I don't believe there is a god (which I have done) noone would jump down my throat in the UK. It's just Santa where people get so fundamentalist about it.
OP posts:
Original poster
AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 23:09

No. You can't see it and yes it is ironic.

OP posts:
kowari · 11/12/2021 23:09

Respect it the same way you would (hopefully) respect other cultural traditions that you don't personally partake in.
Yes, this is what I taught DS. Everyone believes different things and has different family traditions at Christmas and to respect different beliefs.

ufucoffee · 11/12/2021 23:10

It doesn't matter what you think. This isn't about you. Children get so much joy from the story of Santa it's horrible not to let them believe. It only lasts a few years. Get over yourself

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