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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want to lie to DD just so that we don't offend other people's religious and cultural sentiments?

380 replies

AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 22:18

I (and the majority of people) don't believe in this. We know it's not true. I have told DD that I don't believe in it but it's a nice story based loosely on history and that some others do believe it. She can make Up her own mind.

However, now the country I live in has very strong feelings on this matter. I feel that because of peer pressure I need to tell DD either that it is true or ask her to keep quiet about it or her friends will feel bad. I'm worried that if she'll voice her disbelief in the existence of this entity both the other kids and their parents will be offended and possibly ostracise her for it. I'm not exaggerating. Even the Catholic diocese had to apologise today for the comments of one of its bishops who inadvertently told kids the truth.

I'm tempted to lie to her just so that she won't offend anyone. I really don't want to. I don't think I should have to.

What would you do? Would you pretend that Santa exists even though you know that's not true? I love Christmas. I love all the Christmas traditions. The lights, the decorations, advent calendars, Christmas cookies. Even Christmas carols.
Why do kids need to believe in a mythical figure to make christmas magical? Isn't the other stuff enough? If it was any other religious or cultural sentiment would I be expected to lie and go against my beliefs to enable other people to continue with their deceit?

OP posts:

DrSbaitso · 12/12/2021 19:13

What are Jewish, Muslim or Hindu families supposed to do?

pigsDOfly · 12/12/2021 19:43

@DrSbaitso

What are Jewish, Muslim or Hindu families supposed to do?

Do about what exactly?

DrSbaitso · 12/12/2021 19:47

Do about what exactly?

Santa Claus and other children believing.

That is what we're discussing, isn't it?

changing221 · 12/12/2021 19:50

@Chasingaftermidnight

Exactly this. Our DC like to play make-believe with fairies, monsters, mermaids etc., not once have we told them they are real. So why on Earth are parents making an exception for Santa???

Have you gone out of your way to tell them they aren’t real, though? It may depend on age but my son (3) informed me earlier that he was a ‘scary dragon’ (he loves Room on the Broom). I didn’t feel the need to tell him that dragons don’t exist and that even if they did he isn’t one. I said ‘you’re SUCH a scary dragon’ and pretended to be scared while he roared. Am I telling lies?

No, I haven't gone out of my way to tell them, but I also don't go out of my way to tell them he's real, he's coming down the chimney, he's bringing you the presents etc etc, either (like the vast majority of parents do).

mumof2exhausted · 12/12/2021 19:54

Your post made me so sad. Your daughter is 5. Why can’t she believe in something magical. Does she / has she ever believed in fairies or unicorns. Children are so young for such a small period where they truly believe in the magical. If your 5 year old told mine that Santa wasn’t real I’d be pretty pissed off and I’d think you were a bit of a sanctimonious twat

pigsDOfly · 12/12/2021 19:59

Santa Claus and other children believing.

In my experience of being in a family that didn't do Christmas for cultural reasons Santa Claus wasn't something that cropped up in conversation.

We believed in what we believed in and other families believed in what they believe in.

I would think it unlikely that Jewish, Muslim or Hindu children would be telling other children that Santa doesn't exist.

My children didn't know anything about Santa and though Christmas was all around us it wasn't part of our lives. We had our own festivals and myths.

Cryalot2 · 12/12/2021 20:08

Of course Father Christmas is real.

DrSbaitso · 12/12/2021 20:14

@pigsDOfly

Santa Claus and other children believing.

In my experience of being in a family that didn't do Christmas for cultural reasons Santa Claus wasn't something that cropped up in conversation.

We believed in what we believed in and other families believed in what they believe in.

I would think it unlikely that Jewish, Muslim or Hindu children would be telling other children that Santa doesn't exist.

My children didn't know anything about Santa and though Christmas was all around us it wasn't part of our lives. We had our own festivals and myths.

Really? When I was a kid, we talked about Santa Claus a lot and one of my first inklings that he wasn't real was because he didn't seem to visit the children from minority backgrounds. We never excluded them from our discussions about anything.

I guess if he never gets discussed with Jewish or Sikh or Hindu children that's...good, I guess? Still, given it's quite likely he will be, I just wonder what all the "make your children preserve the tiresome magic" people would suggest those families do.

ldontWanna · 12/12/2021 20:15

@mumof2exhausted

Then you need to grow up. Various children told DD he's not real , not maliciously . I dealt with it in various ways and nothing happened. Nothing was ruined. She still ohhed and ahhhed and rushed in as soon as she opened her eyes in the morning.

Last year she decided she doesn't believe anymore , but on Christmas eve she fussed for ages not going to bed. She didn't put stuff out for Santa for the first time ever and she was worried "what if"? She's still agnostic this year and considering she's 10 she's had a pretty long run.

Tal45 · 12/12/2021 20:17

OP you sound like our RE teacher at secondary school - 'Father Christmas was the first lie your parents told you, discuss.'
He was a right twat.

DrSbaitso · 12/12/2021 20:18

Is there anyone who didn't have Santa growing up, for whatever reason, who's upset about it now and wishes they had?

DrSbaitso · 12/12/2021 20:19

@Tal45

OP you sound like our RE teacher at secondary school - 'Father Christmas was the first lie your parents told you, discuss.' He was a right twat.

At secondary school? How many children were upset about that?

DrSbaitso · 12/12/2021 20:30

@mumof2exhausted

Ok, well, what do you want families from other backgrounds who don't do Santa, or Christmas, to do? Or their five year olds?

Cofifeefee · 12/12/2021 20:33

@AliveAndSleeping I don't understand why you are worrying about lying to your child about Santa Claus when you don't have a problem in her celebrating Christmas when you're not religious. How do you explain Christmas to her? Do you tell her the Christmas story but explain that your family don't believe it? If so, could you lump Santa in with that and say that Santa is another thing that some families do and it's not polite to tell people their beliefs are nonsense.

Snoozer11 · 12/12/2021 21:18

Why did you move to a country if you're not prepared to respect their traditions and culture?

ldontWanna · 12/12/2021 21:29

@Snoozer11

Why did you move to a country if you're not prepared to respect their traditions and culture?

So only santa believers are allowed to move to England? No one of a different religion or culture? Or with a different view/mindset?

DrSbaitso · 12/12/2021 21:40

@Snoozer11

Why did you move to a country if you're not prepared to respect their traditions and culture?

Because the tea is good.

Mylittlepotofjoy · 12/12/2021 22:23

I believe in him !! He’s the magic the sparkle the spurt of Christmas and that us very real . I’m 56 never had the conversation with my parents about is he is isn’t he . And I never talked to my children about it . He’s real he makes children so happy where is the problem ????

tallduckandhandsome · 12/12/2021 22:34

@Snoozer11

Why did you move to a country if you're not prepared to respect their traditions and culture?

Alright Katie

Sh05 · 12/12/2021 22:43

We're Muslims, we don't celebrate Christmas but talk of Christmas and Christmas carols and of Santa starts in November at school and understandably carries on until the term ends.
My kids know Santa doesn't exist but also know not to say this at school to anybody, regardless of their beliefs.
My DD is 5, she comes home nearly everyday talking about so and so who's getting such an such from Santa. She always ends with, it's not really Santa it's from their mum/dad but I didn't say that mummy.
I've explained to her that lots of people believe in lots of different things, nobody is wrong and she shouldn't argue or make fun of anyone. Same instructions with the older 3 when they were younger, it's never been a problem.

SleepingStandingUp · 13/12/2021 00:58

My children didn't know anything about Santa and though Christmas was all around us it wasn't part of our lives. We had our own festivals and myths.
Santa will be visiting school hopefully this week, he has previously. It's a very mixed school, DSs best friend is Sikh, i know there's several Muslim children and one Pagan child. Every year the kids come home with a letter for Santa (the week before bloody Christmas!), he's on kids shows, he's in some school plays. Even in the 80s he had a big house in the middle of the shopping precinct where yu could sit on his knee and get a present. How do you avoid ALL of that?

TomBradysLeftKneecap · 13/12/2021 01:08

I was super anal about keeping the FC myth going and then we moved to NYC and all of their friends were suddenly Jewish. And then I realized I'd been a bit of a dick!

mintsalad · 13/12/2021 01:48

I'm a Muslim and thought all of this, then my little daughter came home from nursery so excited to tell me about Santa etc.

I haven't got the heart to say anything so I'm not indulging per se, but I'll treat Santa like a story and go with the flow...

But I also tell my daughter pennywise watches all the naughty children

So what's my opinion eh

Simonjt · 13/12/2021 06:06

@Snoozer11

Why did you move to a country if you're not prepared to respect their traditions and culture?

Lots of people were born in the UK who aren’t christians, would you like to deport those people as well Priti?

Whatiswrongwithmyknee · 13/12/2021 06:28

My son stopped believing very young. We told him, though, that Santa is real but as a metaphor (for giving and a global community). This seemed to be q helpful message to him which both helped him respect where others were at with their Santana beliefs but also kept the magic as alive as if he literally believed. I honestly don't see it as lieing any more than telling young children that babies grow in mummies tummies rather than explaining sex and a uterus.

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