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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to lie to DD just so that we don't offend other people's religious and cultural sentiments?

380 replies

AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 22:18

I (and the majority of people) don't believe in this. We know it's not true. I have told DD that I don't believe in it but it's a nice story based loosely on history and that some others do believe it. She can make Up her own mind.

However, now the country I live in has very strong feelings on this matter. I feel that because of peer pressure I need to tell DD either that it is true or ask her to keep quiet about it or her friends will feel bad. I'm worried that if she'll voice her disbelief in the existence of this entity both the other kids and their parents will be offended and possibly ostracise her for it. I'm not exaggerating. Even the Catholic diocese had to apologise today for the comments of one of its bishops who inadvertently told kids the truth.

I'm tempted to lie to her just so that she won't offend anyone. I really don't want to. I don't think I should have to.

What would you do? Would you pretend that Santa exists even though you know that's not true? I love Christmas. I love all the Christmas traditions. The lights, the decorations, advent calendars, Christmas cookies. Even Christmas carols.
Why do kids need to believe in a mythical figure to make christmas magical? Isn't the other stuff enough? If it was any other religious or cultural sentiment would I be expected to lie and go against my beliefs to enable other people to continue with their deceit?

OP posts:
DeepaBeesKit · 11/12/2021 22:40

If it was any other belief or any other religion the daily mail and their pals would explode in righteous anger over being forced to belief in some made up shit.

All religions have a load of made up shit in and it's often overlooked.

Original poster
AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 22:40

@hangrylady

Oh bore off. Every single year, multiple threads about the same thing. Nobody cares and you're not special. Just tell your kid not to ruin it for others.
That's what I've told her but uggh...it's so freaking fundamentalist and the fact that no one can see the hypocrisy is insane.
OP posts:
Poptart4 · 11/12/2021 22:41

What's the harm in pretending santa exists? Honestly, life is hard enough when we grow up. Why deny your child a few short years of magic. She has her whole life to know the truth.

My parents "lied" to me about santa being real. And I'm bloody glad they did. I have many happy memories because of it.

DeclareThePenniesOnYourEyes · 11/12/2021 22:41

@Serenschintte Imo the Bishop should not have apologized. What he said it correct yeah, you’re right. He should have dropped in about Hitler’s idea for a Final Solution, too. Never to early to tell the under tens All the Truths 🙄

Original poster
AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 22:41

@DeepaBeesKit

If it was any other belief or any other religion the daily mail and their pals would explode in righteous anger over being forced to belief in some made up shit.

All religions have a load of made up shit in and it's often overlooked.

Overlooked yes but you aren't expected to actually lie to your kids that it's the truth so they don't upset other children (and their parents)
OP posts:
changing221 · 11/12/2021 22:42

I tell my kids Santa isn't real. Really don't give a fuck if they tell other kids, that's on the parents of those kids to make their counter claim.

Cas112 · 11/12/2021 22:42

It's not that deep.

It's nice for children, I don't think she will grow up psychologically damaged because she believed in Santa Confused

Stomacharmeleon · 11/12/2021 22:42

@Glugglejug thank you for saying that.... I say 125738 times a year that his name is Father Christmas and not chuffing Santa.

SleepingStandingUp · 11/12/2021 22:43

What country do you live in where you'll be ostracised for not believing in FC?

Just tell her people have different beliefs but we don't judge people by them and we don't challenge them, we just accept that that's their truth. It's kind to let other children believe but she doesn't have to lie about her beliefs either.

Boopeedoop · 11/12/2021 22:43

@Glugglejug

He is real OP. But he’s called Father Christmas.

Just remember - those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.

Bloody muggles everywhere. Sad times.

Father Christmas is as real as I am.

hangrylady · 11/12/2021 22:43

@changing221

I tell my kids Santa isn't real. Really don't give a fuck if they tell other kids, that's on the parents of those kids to make their counter claim.
Well aren't you a treat Hmm
HardbackWriter · 11/12/2021 22:44

Because it is one of the best parts of childhood and hence our lives.

If you really think this it's quite depressing.

Father Christmas is a nice story and a fun bit of make belief but the fervent way in which people insist that children MUST believe for as long as possible is very weird to me. I think my 3 year old already knows on some level that it's a fun game we play and as he gets older I'm not planning do anything to convince him otherwise.

I have a lot of lovely memories of childhood christmasses and they're all about actual people - they're not centred on father christmas in any way. This idea that it's the pinnacle of childhood is baffling and, as I said, a bit depressing to me.

Glugglejug · 11/12/2021 22:44

It’s called fun, OP. You should try it.

Original poster
AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 22:44

@AdoraBell

My children have tried to tell me Santa isn’t real, I refuse to believe them. 🎅
Haha..now that is adorableXmas GrinHalo
OP posts:
Thegreencup · 11/12/2021 22:44

@Glugglejug

He is real OP. But he’s called Father Christmas.

Just remember - those who don’t believe in magic will never find it.

They are two separate people.

Father Christmas wore a green coat and was around before Protestantism/Cromwell. He went around spreading good cheer.

Santa aka Saint Nicholas had his own saints day in December when kids would get presents. When those darned Protestants did away with the elevenity million saints days, many of the practices of thr banned saints days were blended into the celebrations that remained. So Saint Nicholas got merged into Christmas.

So technically, Santa was a real bloke.

LuluBlakey1 · 11/12/2021 22:45

Well I believe in the Loch Ness monster and house elves (I have asked DH to find one for me for Christmas). I doubt I will ever see either of these things but I so hope I do. Are we not allowed a little bit of hope and belief in magical things.

changing221 · 11/12/2021 22:45

@Poptart4

What's the harm in pretending santa exists? Honestly, life is hard enough when we grow up. Why deny your child a few short years of magic. She has her whole life to know the truth.

My parents "lied" to me about santa being real. And I'm bloody glad they did. I have many happy memories because of it.

Because I don't want to lie to my kids. Because, believe it or not, their lives are joyous enough without needing to be told an old man brings them presents depending on their behaviour.

How do you justify to your children that Santa favours rich kids more than poor kids? Or doesn't go to the Jewish kids house down the road? I could go on....

icedcoffees · 11/12/2021 22:45

I don't get the drama on MN when people don't want to go along with the whole "Santa" thing.

I never believed in Santa and was never told he was real - I was raised with it being a fun Christmas tradition and was told that Father Christmas represented the Christmas spirit etc.

We still did stockings, milk, sherry and carrot on Christmas Eve etc. I still had a very magical time and loved Christmas morning :)

You don't need to do Santa to make Christmas magical for your children, honestly.

StepAwayFromGoogling · 11/12/2021 22:45

Genuinely don't understand parents who insist on doing this. Why would you destroy the magic of santa for your children?

Original poster
AliveAndSleeping · 11/12/2021 22:46

@Glugglejug

It’s called fun, OP. You should try it.
It's not fun in you are forced into it
OP posts:
Ellen888 · 11/12/2021 22:46

"If you were expected to believe and tell your children that there in fact is an entity with the body of a human and the head of an elephant would you do it?"

If you were a Hindu, yes, I believe so...

GADDay · 11/12/2021 22:47

@AliveAndSleeping

I (and the majority of people) don't believe in this. We know it's not true. I have told DD that I don't believe in it but it's a nice story based loosely on history and that some others do believe it. She can make Up her own mind.

However, now the country I live in has very strong feelings on this matter. I feel that because of peer pressure I need to tell DD either that it is true or ask her to keep quiet about it or her friends will feel bad. I'm worried that if she'll voice her disbelief in the existence of this entity both the other kids and their parents will be offended and possibly ostracise her for it. I'm not exaggerating. Even the Catholic diocese had to apologise today for the comments of one of its bishops who inadvertently told kids the truth.

I'm tempted to lie to her just so that she won't offend anyone. I really don't want to. I don't think I should have to.

What would you do? Would you pretend that Santa exists even though you know that's not true? I love Christmas. I love all the Christmas traditions. The lights, the decorations, advent calendars, Christmas cookies. Even Christmas carols.
Why do kids need to believe in a mythical figure to make christmas magical? Isn't the other stuff enough? If it was any other religious or cultural sentiment would I be expected to lie and go against my beliefs to enable other people to continue with their deceit?

World class navel gazing there OP.

Seriously get a grip. Something it's ok to day nothing at all.

icedcoffees · 11/12/2021 22:47

@StepAwayFromGoogling

Genuinely don't understand parents who insist on doing this. Why would you destroy the magic of santa for your children?
Because you don't need to believe to have that Christmas magic.

I have some incredible Christmas memories and none of them revolve around Father Christmas. My parents and family made Christmas magical for me - that's more important imo.

changing221 · 11/12/2021 22:47

@StepAwayFromGoogling

Genuinely don't understand parents who insist on doing this. Why would you destroy the magic of santa for your children?

What "magic" exactly?

RampantIvy · 11/12/2021 22:48

Santa Claus is based on St Nicholas due to his habit of secret gift giving.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas