To not want to lie to DD just so that we don't offend other people's religious and cultural sentiments?

[AliveAndSleeping]

I (and the majority of people) don't believe in this. We know it's not true. I have told DD that I don't believe in it but it's a nice story based loosely on history and that some others do believe it. She can make Up her own mind.

However, now the country I live in has very strong feelings on this matter. I feel that because of peer pressure I need to tell DD either that it is true or ask her to keep quiet about it or her friends will feel bad. I'm worried that if she'll voice her disbelief in the existence of this entity both the other kids and their parents will be offended and possibly ostracise her for it. I'm not exaggerating. Even the Catholic diocese had to apologise today for the comments of one of its bishops who inadvertently told kids the truth.

I'm tempted to lie to her just so that she won't offend anyone. I really don't want to. I don't think I should have to.

What would you do? Would you pretend that Santa exists even though you know that's not true? I love Christmas. I love all the Christmas traditions. The lights, the decorations, advent calendars, Christmas cookies. Even Christmas carols.
Why do kids need to believe in a mythical figure to make christmas magical? Isn't the other stuff enough? If it was any other religious or cultural sentiment would I be expected to lie and go against my beliefs to enable other people to continue with their deceit?

@StepAwayFromGoogling

Genuinely don't understand parents who insist on doing this. Why would you destroy the magic of santa for your children?

Because it's not magical. Because I think Christmas is special and beautiful enough without some made up nonsense about a random guy breaking and entering. I think it's sad that you can't enjoy all these beautiful fun traditions (tree, decorations, presents, family, etc) without needing a lie to make it special

God this obsession with santa - cannot understand it.

I grew up in a catholic family in Ireland where Santa visited to great delight every year. There is no way it was "one of the best parts of childhood and hence my life".... like seriously? that is sad if true.

We did santa for our kids. no big deal but it was nice. Loads of their friends had families that didn't do santa - shockingly enough they weren't deprived, had lovely childhoods and my children and the others who did do santa understood that traditions at holidays aren't the same for everyone.

no one grew up psycologically damaged from believing in Santa but no one grew up pyscologically damaged from NOT beliveing in Santa either. As one of my dds once said "Janie Katz celebrates hannukah for christmas" It a six year old can understand that people are different why is it such a huge problem for most of the people on MN?

[quote RampantIvy]Santa Claus is based on St Nicholas due to his habit of secret gift giving.

en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Nicholas[/quote]
Yes I know. That's what I've told DD.

Please just let your child be a child.

What do you tell her to say about people’s beliefs in other mythical entities?

I never understand the constant posts about this. It's like any other belief- you respect others beliefs and don't be an arse. It's really not hard. You've chosen to tell your kid that it's not true- good for you. My daughter goes to school with people who don't believe in Santa, or Jesus, and guess what- no one actually cares. Unless your kid is standing there telling everyone they are liars and being lied to, teach them to respect others beliefs, and accept that other people are entitled to their beliefs, juts as they are. You also haven't stated the age of the child. Assuming they are at least 7+?

I'm just impressed how people go through their whole children's lives without ever lying to them. If you have change for an ice cream. If their singing is great. If their painting is pretty. Why you're crying. If you're going to die too.

Because Santa gives gifts to children without expect of thanks and this experience instills self worth.

See I always think that the whole santa / naughty and nice list must be really tough for kids whose parents don't have the money to buy them as much as wealthier friends / something they've put on their list that they desperately want. Because no matter how 'good' they've been that year, they'll never get that thing. Must be really confusing and sad, maybe they feel they weren't 'good' enough 😞

@AliveAndSleeping Christmas sounds bants in your house. Where do we all sign up?

@mnahmnah

I have never heard a single person complain about their terrible parents lying to and deceiving them. Only appreciation for the magic while it lasted and I feel sorry for the kids that are deprived of this because of over-thinking parents

Agree with this.

I have only ever heard of the 'devastation' of finding out the truth on Mumsnet. It's a nice story for children and I love how magical Christmas seems to DS. We watched the Santa Clause tonight and he was in awe of the whole thing

Interesting - obviously your choice! Life is pretty brutal and as a child I naturally sought out magical/fantasy aspects in the world in nature and my imagination. I saw spooky/magic/fairy stuff everywhere so for me I see the notion as a key part of childhood development. As you mature, you naturally shed it. So these things arent a 'lie' to me, they are really a key part of imagination and curiosity and the intelligence of a developing mind. It also helps children develop an EQ.

@SleepingStandingUp

I'm just impressed how people go through their whole children's lives without ever lying to them. If you have change for an ice cream. If their singing is great. If their painting is pretty. Why you're crying. If you're going to die too.

... the last one of those you definitely do tell them the truth on, though, right? It's kind of a biggie?

@SleepingStandingUp

What country do you live in where you'll be ostracised for not believing in FC?

Just tell her people have different beliefs but we don't judge people by them and we don't challenge them, we just accept that that's their truth. It's kind to let other children believe but she doesn't have to lie about her beliefs either.

England.

That's pretty much what I told her by the way. You can see by the reaction of the other posters though that if it does slip out that she doesn't believe in santa (and it very likely will as she's only 5) they'll think she's ruined their kids' magical childhood.

How do you justify to your children that Santa favours rich kids more than poor kids?

This is my thinking put much more eloquently than I put it! Especially if your children are on the less fortunate end of the spectrum.

@changing221

I tell my kids Santa isn't real. Really don't give a fuck if they tell other kids, that's on the parents of those kids to make their counter claim.

You sound super fun(!)

I just told DS it is fine to say what you believe, or what your family does for Christmas, just not to say that what other people believe isn't real.

Santa Clause or Father Christmas as he is otherwise known, has nothing to do with religion or religious beliefs.

And lying? Really? It's just a little bit of fun for children and surely, they grow out of it very quickly.

I doubt they're harmed by 'being lied to' about it.

We didn't do Christmas when my DCs were growing up, it wasn't part of our culture but I made up all sorts of silly things for them in the form of stories and poems.

What's wrong with a bit of imaginative magic in children's lives?

@changing221

I tell my kids Santa isn't real. Really don't give a fuck if they tell other kids, that's on the parents of those kids to make their counter claim.

Urgh vile

@JHMJHM

Interesting - obviously your choice! Life is pretty brutal and as a child I naturally sought out magical/fantasy aspects in the world in nature and my imagination. I saw spooky/magic/fairy stuff everywhere so for me I see the notion as a key part of childhood development. As you mature, you naturally shed it. So these things arent a 'lie' to me, they are really a key part of imagination and curiosity and the intelligence of a developing mind. It also helps children develop an EQ.

I think imaginary play is really important for children but surely Father Christmas is only imaginary play if you acknowledge on some level that it isn't real? I don't see how being told he's real as a fact develops any more skills of imagination or fantasy than any other 'fact' if that's how it's presented.

@MrsArchchancellorRidcully

Santa doesn't exist?? How very dare you. Of course he's real!!!!!!

I know! Where is her proof?

When I was growing up only the stocking came from Father Christmas (he was never called Santa in our house). The big presents came from people, who had to be thanked.

We did the same with DD.

Huh? Of course I wouldn't lie about change for ice cream (Plenty of better reasons if I don't want her to have an ice cream) and I definitely wouldn't tell my child I'm going to live forever. That's even worse than lying about Santa.

It's not that I never lie. I will lie if I feel I absolutely need to and it's for her benefit. In this case I feel pressurised to do it and I feel it's to her detriment. Very different!!

Also i definitely noted that the kids whose families told them the 'truth' about FC took a wierd delight in breaking it to the other kids in primary. Not kindly. It doesnt feel like it comes from a place of kindness more making little kids feel like idiots.

I don't believe in God bit wouldn't tell my 'truth' to believers. Why would I?!