To wonder if our children would be the ‘poor’ ones at private school

[Changethefloorthroughout]

DH and I have a good joint income of over £100,000 and I’m seriously considering private school for our children.

A worry for me is if they are surrounded by children from much wealthier backgrounds if they would feel ‘poor’. I’m just posting for thoughts from people who know a bit more about the independent system than me.

Children, even those ones influenced by snotty parents really don't make friends based on money. We all make friends on what the other person is about.

They will be surrounded by much wealthier children and they will notice. They’ll also notice different treatment from the teachers
Speaking from bitter experience. It’s not a mistake I’d make again.

It’s not really friendships I’m asking about - I would hope no one would reject a friend on account of their money - but if they are surrounded by exceptionally wealthy children then expectations and outlooks tend to be adjusted accordingly.

Quite an insensitive thread.

Try being the poor one in a state school…!

They'll also make friends and visit mansions.

Wealth is relative. If that’s your income and you have no mortgage (or rent?) then you might be the wealthiest there...

@Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas primary school maybe, but if you’re talking about secondary school then sorry to say this is really naive. Teenagers, particularly girls, are spectacularly bitchy and absolutely judge/make friends with peers based on what they have. Sad but true.

Not they would not be, unless you’re planning to try for one of the ridiculously priced ones.

£100 k income and you're worried about your kids feeling poor? Jesus

@OnceuponaRainbow18

Quite an insensitive thread.

Try being the poor one in a state school…!

Why on earth is it insensitive?

Are people with good incomes not allowed to ask questions relevant to their own lives?

Sadly we do have a mortgage!

But it is relative @LagunaBubbles, which is the whole point of the thread. £100000 is untold wealth in some quarters and absolute poverty if you are best mates with Bill Gates and Elton John.

It depends on the private school. A smaller independent school no problem …

@Changethefloorthroughout

Because talking about earning more than £100k a year and using the word poor in the same sentence is ridiculous.

It depends on the private school, but probably, yes, they will be.

But the word ‘poor’ was immediately followed by at private school.

Don’t you teach English?

It depends on your outgoings, but I would worry you will end up being the ones who can't afforded all the "added extras" their peers have.

If you have a decent state school I would wonder if the dc might be happier there with free access to hobbies and extracurriculars.

My son was on a bursary, he made some great friends who are still friends, was never made to feel poor, but it wasn't Radley College or Eton. It was 5k a term 15 years ago. I think you'll find your attitude is probably more snobby than most of the other parents, no offence intended.

We've pretty much done this at secondary level. Gone from being fairly well off (in very mixed demographic state) to relatively (and it's all very relative) less well off at private school. I'm judging this mainly by the fact that at the new school most parents seem to drive 2 year old range rovers as opposed to our 7 year old golf.😁. That and the gossip from DD1.
Honestly doesn't seem to matter at all. DD1 mostly rolls her eyes at some of the more unaware comments from her new classmates, and she now has friends that range from really struggling to extremely well off, and it doesn't bother her or us. That may be because our families and friends also come from all parts of the financial spectrum.

YABU x 1000

They will definitely not be the 'poor ones' at private school with that income.

£100000 is untold wealth in some quarters and absolute poverty if you are best mates with Bill Gates and Elton John.

Sorry now £100k can be absolute poverty… I’m hoping you’ve drunk too much tonight

My kids go to private and are probably the 'poor' ones.

One of my dds friends dads buys and sells planes and another one has a cinema room in their house.

They will play with who ever they get on with.

And you will click with people at the school gate.

This is an interesting thread! We’re sending our eldest to private school next year, our household income is nearly half yours. I thought we were fairly comfortably off (though obviously it’s going to be a stretch) and the thought of being relatively ‘poor’ hadn’t even crossed my mind.

IME it’s things like never having gone skiiing, or an assumption that you will go abroad every holiday, that show the difference. Nothing nasty, but occasionally noticeable. It’s not been a problem, but if I were less confident in my choices I suppose it might worry me on dd’s behalf.

Yeah probably. They'll be ridiculed, teased, taunted and end up hating you for the rest of their lives.

I think we’d be absolutely prioritising extra trips and so on, would not want to say no to anything like that.

Effectively opting for private school would remove my salary entirely - it would all go on school fees.