To wonder if our children would be the ‘poor’ ones at private school

[Changethefloorthroughout]

DH and I have a good joint income of over £100,000 and I’m seriously considering private school for our children.

A worry for me is if they are surrounded by children from much wealthier backgrounds if they would feel ‘poor’. I’m just posting for thoughts from people who know a bit more about the independent system than me.

This was blow some posters minds, but you can get a discount if you earn 90k in some schools

Can’t speak for all but there is a huge mix at my kids school. There are some super wealthy and some not so much. It genuinely makes no difference whatsoever to the kids.

@kitty1993

I went to a lovely private school, some people in my class were very poor but they were at the school on scholarships. None of the pupils cared about who had the most money we just wanted to be kids and have fun. Money or no money, I had a much better education at private school compared to my experience of state school.

this is the experience of my son, currently in yr 11 He is on a bursary and Im a single parent, living in a council estate. He has lots of good friends. As opposed to when he was at the local comprehensive which seemed far more focused on who had what and wore what, and he had barely any friends

These threads always go the same way

"OP you are so rich & out of touch"

"OP you are too poor for private school*

It's location & school dependent.

For either of us, being made redundant or not being able to work is really highly unlikely. I mean I don’t want to tempt fate and never say never but you could make the same argument against a mortgage and people don’t not buy houses because they might not be able to work.

@HalfTermHalfTerm I know this question was directed at the OP but I'm going to answer for us. We moved from a "good" state to small private because DD was miserable, stressed and depressed. Behaviour was awful, especially in her class, most of her friends were unhappy (especially the academic ones), lockdown learning was patchy at best and, above all, she was getting almost no support for her dyslexia and falling behind - even though teachers liked her and thought she was doing well. She's now in a small class, with much better behaviour and can actually concentrate. Not only has she caught up academically she is much happier. If we could have moved to another state school and achieved the same outcome but even the best state schools I spoke to in or near us said they wouldn't be able to provide her with much additional support. So although we didn't want to send her private it was the best choice for her at the time.

*if we could we would have...

Because it’s too high a percentage to make the risk worth it. For example, what happens if one of you can no longer work? What happens if one of you is made redundant?

Presumably the OP has savings & insurance & can get another job.

@Changethefloorthroughout

For either of us, being made redundant or not being able to work is really highly unlikely. I mean I don’t want to tempt fate and never say never but you could make the same argument against a mortgage and people don’t not buy houses because they might not be able to work.

But people need houses. If your children need private school - because the local states are terrible, for example - then that’s a different conversation. But your family salary isn’t high enough that your kids won’t notice a difference.

Although like I said, it depends on the school.

@gattey

Because it’s too high a percentage to make the risk worth it. For example, what happens if one of you can no longer work? What happens if one of you is made redundant?

Presumably the OP has savings & insurance & can get another job.

To make up 30% of a salary?

*combined salary

Why don't you just lie and say you've got oodles of money, and put everything you might need to prove wealth to other parvenu parents on a credit card?

Honestly, it's just silly. At most private schools you will have parents who are rich as Croesus, and parents who are selling off internal organs to afford the fees. I doubt you will be the richest and you probably won't be the poorest, even at a good London prep. Even if you were, does it really matter?

OP do you earn 150k & school fees for both are 30k leaving 80k?

Look at your outgoings from that & see what is left.

Pumper, there is no way DH will be made redundant. It’s highly unlikely I would be and if I was I’d find another job easily (I don’t mean that arrogantly, simply that I work in a shortage area.)

Yes, something awful could happen but I can’t live my entire life on that premise. I can’t not do the best for my children because DHs arm might fall off, or something.

No - DH earns £75 (it’s usually more than this with a bonus but 75 is the basic salary.)

I earn 40. So 115 in total.

@Changethefloorthroughout

Pumper, there is no way DH will be made redundant. It’s highly unlikely I would be and if I was I’d find another job easily (I don’t mean that arrogantly, simply that I work in a shortage area.)

Yes, something awful could happen but I can’t live my entire life on that premise. I can’t not do the best for my children because DHs arm might fall off, or something.

But you only earn 30k. If he lost his 90k salary, how long could you pay the fees?

honestly, it's just silly. At most private schools you will have parents who are rich as Croesus, and parents who are selling off internal organs to afford the fees. I doubt you will be the richest and you probably won't be the poorest, even at a good London prep. Even if you were, does it really matter?

Exactly this.

@Pumperthepumper why would the OP be out of a job for a whole year? Most people don't have the school fees saved up in advance in an allocated pot.

No, I earn 40. He won’t lose his job. Why do you keep saying he will? I’m not trying to sound awkward, but while I know some industries are very unstable, his isn’t. He’s been in the same role for nearly twenty years.

Similar income with children at an independent school. Not London or SE. From what I am aware of there are children with a huge variety of circumstances. My children certainly don’t stand out as being ‘poor’ or ‘rich’. I do think it would depend on the school though.

@Changethefloorthroughout

No - DH earns £75 (it’s usually more than this with a bonus but 75 is the basic salary.)

I earn 40. So 115 in total.

Oh so worse then. If you lost your 40k job it’d be almost 50% of his salary.

Oh the shallowness of some !!

We were at the sharp end of a very lovely private prep for 10 years. We aren't titled or aristocratic, and plenty were, but you were taken for yourself there. If your child liked another child and wanted to play outside school, you would be invited to playt, have lunch at the kitchen table, walk around and chat, and their kids visited to play too... regardless of how big or rich. There was a hierarchy and structure, and we didn't really fit being older parents, but we were never shunned or made unwelcome.

I looked into this for my DC also and I’m in a similar salary but a single parent. I couldn’t make it work with schools in east of England. If I had o my own child yes, but I couldn’t get the both of them through. I wondered the exact same thing - would we struggle to pay for extras and would clubs and hobbies be more extravagant. It’s hard to know.

Instead I’m investing in a house in a catchment for the best available state schools and colleges.

But you only earn 30k. If he lost his 90k salary, how long could you pay the fees?

This is the same for anyone paying fees out of a salary.