To wonder if our children would be the ‘poor’ ones at private school

[Changethefloorthroughout]

DH and I have a good joint income of over £100,000 and I’m seriously considering private school for our children.

A worry for me is if they are surrounded by children from much wealthier backgrounds if they would feel ‘poor’. I’m just posting for thoughts from people who know a bit more about the independent system than me.

Depends on the school. If you’re looking at Eton then yes. A smaller, local independent school then no. We are on a similar joint income. DS1 is at private secondary and while there are few really wealthy kids, most are similar to him.

Hmm I went to a private school on a full scholarship and I definitely felt like the poor one. (Single mum, south London, no money at all). I remember going to a friends party at 17 where her house was detached and in huge private grounds and she’d just been given a brand new car which she was driving round in loops around the house with her grandad. I was very aware of the differences in our backgrounds and I think it did come between us quite a bit.

It’s a good lesson for kids to learn that there are always people better off and / or worse off than you but it’s hard to be the bottom of the chain…..!

At the private schools where I live (south east, home counties), yes they would be.

DH and I have income well over double yours but aren't considering it. The people we know who chose it are better off than us.

@PoppityInThe

YABU x 1000

They will definitely not be the 'poor ones' at private school with that income.

I'd be very surprised if many people with a joint 100k income could afford private school if they also had a mortgage, travel costs etc. In SE anyway it would be a huge stretch for most families on that income unless they had paid off their mortgage.

Depends which private school.

[quote AutumnLeaves21]@Imdreamingofapeacefulxmas primary school maybe, but if you’re talking about secondary school then sorry to say this is really naive. Teenagers, particularly girls, are spectacularly bitchy and absolutely judge/make friends with peers based on what they have. Sad but true.[/quote]
BINGO!

Knew 'girls' and 'bitchy' would come up

Crossed with @DeepaBeesKit!

It depends on the private school. A colleague's kid used to go to the lycee française (South ken). Colleague was seriously well off with a DH who earned upper 6 figures. Their DD was in the same class as Madonna's daughter Lourdes. The DD became accustomed to people jetting over to NY for the weekend for a shopping trip. Not the environment I'd want to bring my child up in. We deliberately chose a state school so she mixes from people from all backgrounds. Other private schools would hopefully be less extreme though.

Private schools in the south east must be much more expensive than the ones near us.

@Changethefloorthroughout

I think we’d be absolutely prioritising extra trips and so on, would not want to say no to anything like that.

Effectively opting for private school would remove my salary entirely - it would all go on school fees.

It’s exactly this. I was thinking school fees would be approx 1/5 of your combined salary, which is a huge amount. And they’ll be at school with people who wouldn’t even notice it was missing from their bank.

And the subtle ‘owning their own horse being expert skiers spending loads of time abroad weekends at the grandparents country pile’ separations too.

There will be a mix of kids, from the uber-wealthy to the significant number of families who have tightened their belt to send their kids there.

I really wouldn’t worry.

I haven’t found it an issue at all. There are kids at my sons school who are obviously very well off, premiership footballers and the like and there are kids there whose grandparents pay the fees and the parents have old, run down cars. Most people are somewhere in the middle and work hard to send the kids there. I mean I guess it would depend which school you picked but it just hasn’t been my experience at all.!

At private schools you will get a range, kids on bursaries, parents who literally spend any disposable income to send kids to school and super wealthy. You won’t be the poor ones; however, do the figures. I’m not sure how much you earn over 100k or where you are in the country, but I have a lot of friends on a joint household income of 100k (SE) and none of them could afford to put “children” through private schools. Even “cheap” ones down here will be 1k per month. So if you’ve got 2 kids 2K per month is a lot to find on top of mortgage, bills etc.

At my school I had a range of people from those who lived in 3 bed semis with their grandparents paying the fees, to people with parents worth half a billion. We may have commented but it certainly didnt affect who was friends with who or result in any bullying.

I went to a lovely private school, some people in my class were very poor but they were at the school on scholarships. None of the pupils cared about who had the most money we just wanted to be kids and have fun. Money or no money, I had a much better education at private school compared to my experience of state school.

Thanks, it’s really interesting. I didn’t go to private school myself and I have never worked in one so it’s unfamiliar territory to me.

@PoppityInThe

YABU x 1000

They will definitely not be the 'poor ones' at private school with that income.

A household income of £100K is generally speaking not enough to send more than one child to private school if you’re living in London or surrounds with a mortgage.

I got a full scholarship to a private school and hated it. I was bullied for being the "wrong sort" and much much later my mother agreed it was the wrong place for me.

But £100,000 = poor???

Not on any planet I know.

Is it possible to put 2 dc or more through private school with that income, what are the fees?

Completely depends on the private school. In my experience in the more academic ones the parents are mainly professional couples, both parents working, not super rich.

Not trying to be a knob, but £100k for more than one child for private school would be really tight, especially as you have a mortgage. Fees often rise quite a lot year on year too. Three children in secondary could easily be £50k

No one is saying an income of £100,000 + is poor. I’m really wondering about comprehension skills on here!

It is comparatively poor: in other words, would everyone else have much more money than you.

@Changethefloorthroughout

Private schools in the south east must be much more expensive than the ones near us.

Well maybe, but it's more to do with outgoings. Our mortgage is 2500 a month for instance, Nursery fees another 1000 plus (usually) 700 a month commuting costs. Then utilities, car etc, adds up to outgoings a bit more than 5k a month. No room for school fees there (we earn about 140k between us.) Luckily there are v good state schools and potentially grammars but again the house prices reflect this so we pay there instead!

Stop with the “insensitive thread” business. It’s clear from the title what it’s about. This site is for everyone. It’s a legitimate question.

Depends on the school you choose OP. There are many small independent (particularly prep) schools which do not attract the super (or even particularly) rich.

Please be aware though that depending on whether your joint income is well over £100k, or just over, whether it’s likely to increase, whether that’s net or gross and how many children you have, you really might struggle to pay for it private education.

And I do think your children will likely be poorer than many. I agree with others it’s not likely to affect forming friendships. But it will likely become noticeable to your children that they can’t go on the trips / do the things their friends are doing. I am not saying this actually matters. But you asked the question. Yes, I do think you will be less well off than many parents. Only you can decide if that matters.

Of course you’re not being a knob, that’s why I’m asking.

However, two at private senior is less than £30,000 (I know this will go up, but so will our salaries) and that still leaves us with over £80,000 gross.