To wonder if our children would be the ‘poor’ ones at private school

[Changethefloorthroughout]

DH and I have a good joint income of over £100,000 and I’m seriously considering private school for our children.

A worry for me is if they are surrounded by children from much wealthier backgrounds if they would feel ‘poor’. I’m just posting for thoughts from people who know a bit more about the independent system than me.

@DIYandEatCake

This is an interesting thread! We’re sending our eldest to private school next year, our household income is nearly half yours. I thought we were fairly comfortably off (though obviously it’s going to be a stretch) and the thought of being relatively ‘poor’ hadn’t even crossed my mind.

Gosh where do you live where schools are so cheap because I want to move there! Here it’s £3-5K a term just for prep school going up to £6-8k+ a term for secondary 😬

I was one of the five poor kids at my private junior prep school. There are so many ways you are made to feel second best. However, this was the 70s/80s.

@Changethefloorthroughout

I don’t think it’s going against the grain, *@NatriumChloride*, a few posters have asked that, and I must admit it has made me think I must have a VERY skewed idea of affordability!

So two children in private senior school (so the most expensive) would be just over £28,000. (I realise this would go up but so do salaries.)

So yes - I’d be making around £100 a month ‘profit’ from my job so nothing at all really - but then we still have DHs salary, so we can’t live on £75,000 plus a bonus? Is that honestly unaffordable? Surely not

Do you currently live 30k below your means though? That’s a better indication.

It’s not as expensive as that here, @TuftyMarmoset

We’d be looking at just under £14,000 per child for senior school.

Wow, you can afford go send two children to private school on 100 k joint salary ? How much is this school ? Must be quite cheap.

There won’t be though. 30% of a household income is a risk loads of people won’t take.

There will be.

OP it will depend on the school but factors that might give a clue - the cost of the fees relative to local earnings, and how many bursaries the school offers and whether these tend to be full bursaries or discounts. You could ask the school about the diversity of the students as well.

Sorry crossed post. The private schools I'm looking at are 6 k per term, at least.

it really does depend on the school. we moved to be near GParents, lovely local high school. In the 5 yrs it took for my eldest dc to be moving up the school went into special measures. GPs paid for dc to go to a local private school.

they had kids whose families were worse off than us (the school was particularly good for children with dyslexia and some families pulled out all the stops to send one child to it), some were on full scholarships, others were loaded .

One of my dc went to an event up in London and reported back in shock that one of the other teens on the trip had rung his dad in Saudi and asked for £1k for the weekend. same school, different worlds.

Mine are all adults now - the school friends they stayed in touch with, and are still friends, are all lovely, genuine, people, who all support each other. I have no idea whose parents are mega wealthy and whose are not. Having money, or not, doesn't make you a better or worse person. I came from a poor, WC, family exH came from a solid, comfortable, MC family. One of my siblings had a partner who was a millionaire - one of exH's siblings married a plumber....

The question is "which school is the right one for this DC, in this place and time?" it's not a theoretical question. You have to make the best choice you can, on the evidence you have, within your current resources. If the private school looks like the right one then go for it. One of mine had to be moved at it wasn't right for them. Be flexible. All we can do is the best we can.

We currently pay for childcare which isn’t completely dissimilar, so yes.

I mean, if I was to die and DH had to live on just his salary (of course he wouldn’t because life insurance and teacher pension scheme and so on but you get my point) if he posted saying could he raise two children on £75,000 everyone would say yes of course!

It depends on the flavour of the private school. Some attract the super wealthy and privileged and your income will be significantly lower than average there. Some attract more middle classes who make adjustments to their lifestyles in order to afford fees.

We're looking at the latter type, it's not quite as "private school going back to 1308 hockey and lacrosse and shits out three prime ministers before lunch" but it's definitely gives a better opportunity for education than the state school offerings round here. Kind of a halfway house.

@LoveGrooveDanceParty

There won’t be though. 30% of a household income is a risk loads of people won’t take.

There will be.

There isn’t.

According to Mumsnet everyone who sends their kids to private schools are just normal people who happen to send their kids to private schools and who have prioritised accordingly and therefore it just magically happens despite them being ordinary people with battered old Volvos and second hand clothes so actually you're probably really rich in contact comparison.

@Changethefloorthroughout

Of course you’re not being a knob, that’s why I’m asking.

However, two at private senior is less than £30,000 (I know this will go up, but so will our salaries) and that still leaves us with over £80,000 gross.

But that's just the fees...and they increase considerably as your kids move up the school.

You then need to add in things like school transport (unless you can drive them), uniform, PE kit, sports equipment, extra-curricular activities, school trips etc.

The cost of a school trip in private school will be considerably more than the equivalent trip in state. Uniform is much more expensive too - you need to go to the school outfitters for everything - a cheap ASDA polo for PE won't be acceptable - it needs to be the school one with the embroidered logo...

I went to private school and I honestly think you'd struggle to send two children there full-time on a salary of 115k.

Just work out your net income & outgoings but if you are paying similar for childcare & don't really feel it you should be fine.

@Changethefloorthroughout id be careful thinking about the fees in relation to gross salaries - always work to net.

If the school fees are pretty much your salary that leaves about £4500pm before any extras/uniforms/trips. Id do a full budget based on that and think about it very carefully. How much is your mortgage?

Fwiw we earn double + and have decided against it as id find the pressure too much and worry about redundancy etc. I also had similar concerns re comparisons.

@Changethefloorthroughout

We currently pay for childcare which isn’t completely dissimilar, so yes.

I mean, if I was to die and DH had to live on just his salary (of course he wouldn’t because life insurance and teacher pension scheme and so on but you get my point) if he posted saying could he raise two children on £75,000 everyone would say yes of course!

No they wouldn’t, if 30k of that was school fees!

Ask the school for estimated costs of fee increases, materials, etc. You should easily be able to get uniform 2nd hand.

Depends on the school.

At my dcs school, a lot if the children are there because grand parents are paying the fees. That also means quite a lot if children whose parents don’t have extraordinary income.

@Changethefloorthroughout

We currently pay for childcare which isn’t completely dissimilar, so yes.

I mean, if I was to die and DH had to live on just his salary (of course he wouldn’t because life insurance and teacher pension scheme and so on but you get my point) if he posted saying could he raise two children on £75,000 everyone would say yes of course!

Not if that 75k also had to cover school fees x 2 they wouldn't.

Private school costs are so much more than just the fees.

Iced, I know. I’ve taken the most expensive years (12 and 13) and worked backwards, I’m really not a complete idiot!

All of the things you mention above are expenses at state school too. No state school I know of accepts Asda polos at secondary and while we may not be minor Royals, we can afford a blazer.

I don’t mind sacrificing holidays and so on for them to go on school trips. I just don’t want them feeling inadequate for a week in Cornwall when everyone else was in Monaco.

@kitty1993

I went to a lovely private school, some people in my class were very poor but they were at the school on scholarships. None of the pupils cared about who had the most money we just wanted to be kids and have fun. Money or no money, I had a much better education at private school compared to my experience of state school.

@kitty1993 and yet, you were clearly aware of who had money (or didnt)

All three of mine went to private school on free places, we were on benefits at the time! Yes there were kids who arrived in Bentleys and went on the very expensive school trips which we couldn't afford (fortunately mine didn't want to go anyway, they didn't enjoy the obligatory trip to the school's own place in the country in year 7, they liked to be at home together) but my kids were admired for their brains not their parent's money. They are all adults now but still have school friends that they socialise with so they definately weren't ostracized due to their parent's lack of income. It doesn't have to be a negative experience mixing with people who are much richer than them, everybody has different attributes and can benefit from the differences. The education was much better than the local comprehensive!

At £100k joint income I’m surprised you can afford private school for 2 kids!