Why does it take men so long to take a dump?

[Justheretoaskaquestion91]

Went to run an errand. Came back and standing in the rain knocking on door as I didn’t take my key. DH messages me “sorry, on the loo”. Can hear the children crying and running amok. Have been standing here for 10 mins now, raging. If you need to shit, surely you just do it, wipe, flush, wash your hands?!?! Women never seem to take this long - it seems utterly self indulgent and drives me mad 🤬💩 (should be an angry poo emoji)

DH just said “I have never forced a poo in my entire life.” (One for the gravestone).

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

I think if you've not taken your key you've no one to blame but yourself tbh

I did not anticipate the poo timings. If it were me I would have waited until DH came back/could watch the children

Really?

IDK about you, but if I've gotta go, I've gotta go. It's not good to hold it either. And for all he knew you could've been waylaid on your errand- long queue, chat with neighbour etc.

@ThirdElephant

Yes, really. But I suppose I would have held it if I my poo would take longer than 1 min. Which it wouldn’t, because I’m speedy like the wind 😎

@HTH1

Your husband is a true philosopher

I do the same! I take a long time
When I go to poo it doesn't come straight out.
I will feel the urge to poo and then go to the toilet.
This is the start of a slow process. The poo slowly comes down in waves and in pushes. It feels like a natural gravity process.
It often takes me about 30-40 minutes.

I always take my phone in with me.

My mum told me that our neighbour would occasionally eat a banana on the toilet and I found it quite weird.

@BabyPotato, I have to ask: how on earth does your mum know this? Did it just crop up in conversation?

Smoking or vaping while on the bog is grim, but eating while having a dump is just gross.

How do people poo so quickly? Surely I can't be the only woman that takes a long time?

To me a poo is like childbirth( without the pain).
I feel an urge to go and poo, that it is the proceas starting.
Then I feel the need to push.
I have to push and push (but not painful)
And wait
Then gravity helps
But it definitely takes around 30 minutes.

Sometimes it is quicker.
But that would be my usual time
I always bring in reading material

I think husband takes ages as he'll wait for it all to come out and that could take 20+ minutes. I'm more inclined to take a couple of minutes and then go back half an hour later. tmi.

Does the prostate gland have anything to do with it

They don’t, they just sit down then cba getting back up.

Yes. Horrible getting out of stuff tactic. If I need to poo and I'm not unwell, it takes me approximately one minute to be in, done, wiped, flushed, hands washed and out. DH will take around 30 minutes. My ex would take anything up to an hour more than once every day. My DH has even remarked to me that he's never been aware of me "taking a shit" and I told him that is because I treat it like the bodily function it is and not as a luxury mini break to catch an episode of something on Netflix or to play a game on my phone, which is how most men treat it. He got all huffy and told me I was so judgemental and sexist. Funnily enough, when his phone is on charge and he needs to go, he takes about three minutes.

I don't agree at all with the many women on here who are saying "All women take poos quickly, all men take ages".

Why are you speaking for all women?
I am a woman and I take 30 -40 minutes to take a poo. That is how my body works.

Some people can do it quickly, some people do it slowly.

If it takes 30 minutes to produce a shit you don't actually need to go. If I think I might need to go but nothing occurs within a minute or so I give up and try again later. How has anyone got time to spend 30+ minutes on the toilet every day???

@tiredanddangerous I don't think 30 minutes is long. It is my normal amount of time. And I read my phone while I am in the bathroom. It is a nice calming procedure

@fakereview

I've no idea if there is any actual difference in male and female bowel dispatch: just wondering if it's been examined scientifically at all

It's a good point. All I can say about my husband is that he won't go anywhere but at home. So he can need to go at work, but saves it until he gets home! If we are away eg staying in a hotel, I have to go out of the hotel room so he has complete privacy, he doesn't like it if there is someone outside the bathroom.

Whereas if I need to go, I go, even in the mankiest public toilet.

My DP was the opposite. He loved having a crap at work, because he was being paid for it.

Well I asked a man. He says they are either hiding, or sometimes having a wank.

I always smugly thought it was because their diets weren't so good so they struggled - I am always very swift. But now I am questioning that... It does seem to have a slight 'performance element' to it - like everyone has to know, it's often at a time when other things are about to happen... I always know when a poo is being had in my house, put it that way.

No phone here either still at least 15 mins. Even just a wee takes longer than me when we are out men!

I think it must be a biological thing because whilst I can accept that DH's habit could be explained by him getting out of family life / watching porn etc., it doesn't explain why DS9 is exactly the same. He's had the same routine since he was potty trained. He goes at the same time every day and will sit on the toilet for 20-30 minutes. He can't be hurried. He doesn't have a phone and he's not avoiding anything. It's just how long it takes. DH is the same. DD and I are in and out in under five minutes.

To be crude, do you mean it's 30 minutes hanging half way out of your arse? That sounds like a chronic constipation problem and I'd see a doctor.

If not, and if you've generally got a reasonable diet and no medical issues, I think you're probably just going way too soon. I assume most people can feel it coming on a bit in advance, but have you tried just carrying on with what you're doing until you feel more urgency? I often know that I will need to go within the next 30 minutes but I don't actually go into the bathroom then.

Unless you enjoy hanging out in the bathroom and you're not inconveniencing your family like the men on this thread, in which case it doesn't matter does it.

@WhatsWrongWithMyUsername mine is vegan, maybe that makes a difference? I def got more regular when I went from veggie to vegan!

@TheYearOfSmallThings

I have often pondered this. I also get unreasonably annoyed at how pleased with themselves they are after successfully achieving a massive dump. I suppose we all have our simple pleasures in life, but I would be appalled if I created such a stink.

When I was a teen we had a male cat who was so excited about his big dumps that he would tear gleefully all around the house meowing loudly.

My sister and I would then look at each other and start bickering about who had to go clean it up. You could be sure he wouldn't have covered up such a glorious poo.

As an experiment turn off the WiFi when he gets settled and time him. When you hear the flush turn it back on. Then deny deny deny that you did anything 🤣😂

@JojobaFromOctoberno I am not constipated, everything works fine.
It just takes me 30 minutes and it's fine.

We are all different.

Being slow doesn't equal being wrong.

I think some of the women on here who think everybody should be quick, just because they are quick, are wrong!

What are you going to do - stand over your husband with a timer and shout at him because he is not as quick as you.? Maybe YOU are in the wrong, not him. Maybe you are wrong because you don't see that what other people do with their body - is not anything to do with you!

Shouldnt everyone have freedom over their body?

@DeepaBeesKit

Honestly, I think there's something not right with a lot of mens digestion.

I think a) they don't eat a good diet so are mildly constipated and b) they are controlling and do not respond to their own physical signals. So women wait until their body indicates it's time to go, me decide they like going at 8am when the children need to be got ready for school, their body may not be ready at that time so they sit there forcing it!

This is enlightening!

It’s definitely b) for my DH. He has to go every day first thing. He makes tea and takes it in with him at 6.45am. Then he sits there until 7.30 ish having his tea and reading the paper on his iPad.

I cannot do this every day at the same time and just make it come. I have to wait until my body is ready. It’s only after reading the above post that I realise I’m the normal one here.