To be worried my sister is doing the Alpha course?

[Southtrainer]

Just for a bit of context. My family is and always has been agnostic and left wing. My sister (early thirties) recently met a new partner who comes from a very religious evangelical Christian family. Their relationship surprised us all thinking there was be such a gulf that they wouldn’t stay together long but recently my brother told me my sister is doing the Alpha course and he was concerned she might have some pressure on her to convert to their religion. I’d this right? I’ve never had any experience of this course or religion. I’m worried. Thanks for any info or experiences x

The church foes not ask you for a third of your money.

The Mormon denomination does and that is a tenth not a third.

The others do not. You are asked to contribute what you can afford if you can. Any organisation needs funds to survive

My only personal experience of this is that a very close friend of mine did the Alpha course, out of the blue as far as I could tell. It really changed him & after that you couldn’t have a conversation with him without Jesus coming into it, he was just so different. It changed his views & we drifted apart significantly. He was once my best friend now and I haven’t seen him in person for years.
That said, he has always appeared very happy, he met his wife through religion & they have what looks like a very strong marriage with 3 lovely children. So maybe it was right for him (just not for our friendship).

@Southtrainer

I’m worried that she has had pressure to do the course and convert to something I know previously she would never have considered. I suppose I’m thinking it’s sort of coercive in this instance (within the context of their relationship which has a few other red flags).

Yes re the left wing thing, I suppose I was highlighting the fact that my family is very liberal and not conservative with a little c, whereas his family, via their religion I believe, have very different views on LGBTQ+ rights, Women’s rights etc. They (the family) are fundamentalist Christians and interpret the bible in that way. I’m not sure denying evolution would be considered mainstream nowadays @knittingaddict or maybe I’m wrong 🤷‍♀️

If he and his family Are Christian Fundamentalists, I seriously doubt they’d be recommending she do the Alpha Course…

If your DSis is an averagely intelligent person she will get a discursive view of Christianity from the alpha course.
FWIW I was practising CofE for most of my life and I had a crisis when my son first came out as lesbian and then trans at the same time as the church was discussing the marriage of gay people.
Our local rector was quite vocal and provided petitions and other information (biased at best, bigoted at worst). I had a crisis of faith and stepped away.
The alpha course helped me dig down into scripture, make my own interpretation and move on. I am still a Christian, but not through my local parish).
I would hope that the course helps your DSis to make her own determination, rather then converting her to something she wouldn't otherwise condone.

@FourTeaFallOut

Rearranging your beliefs to better mirror your partner doesn't scream healthy relationship though.

This is the red flag for me.

I'm dubious about it but as long as you make sure she is choosing freely then that's all you can do really.
CofE might not be a cult but.....
What would you call a group of people who meet as a group to discuss religion as perceived by a single individual (N Gumbel) and the latter part of the course many people 'speak in tongues'... cult-ish?
If it walks like a dog and sounds like a dog it's almost certainly going to be a dog.

@Southtrainer

I’m worried that she has had pressure to do the course and convert to something I know previously she would never have considered. I suppose I’m thinking it’s sort of coercive in this instance (within the context of their relationship which has a few other red flags).

Yes re the left wing thing, I suppose I was highlighting the fact that my family is very liberal and not conservative with a little c, whereas his family, via their religion I believe, have very different views on LGBTQ+ rights, Women’s rights etc. They (the family) are fundamentalist Christians and interpret the bible in that way. I’m not sure denying evolution would be considered mainstream nowadays @knittingaddict or maybe I’m wrong 🤷‍♀️

Convert to something?! Are you having a laugh?! It's just people attending a church and asking questions and the course leaders answer them. Followed by a few videos explaining a few myths. Mine was about 4 sessions. I was never once ushered into anything!!! I think you need to educate yourself a little more. Not all Christianity is a bloody cult! How ridiculous. Biggest eye-roll ever

I did the alpha course years ago. It wasn't brainwashing just looked at the bible and had discussions afterwards.

Funnily enough though as a life long Christian, I had to had some stuff explained very simply to me and there were bits I found very uncomfortable, I haven't been back to the church since completing the course.

DSis had a phase of being quite religious and went to part of an Alpha course. She said it was all a bit daft. They went in for throwing their arms in the air whenever Jesus was mentioned in Church, which was the bit that struck her as a bit cultish. I remember her talking about a discussion on the power of prayer and people were asked in turn about their experience of praying for something and their prayers being answered. Apparently everyone was coming up with stuff like "I prayed my foot would be better in time for me to play in the football match, and it was" or "I prayed that I'd get to work on time, and I did". No-one seemed prepared to say something like "Hang on, God has better things to do than make your train run on time" or "Your foot was almost certainly going to get better whether you prayed about it or not", and it was all uncritically accepted as evidence of the power of prayer.

DSis decided pretty quickly that it definitely wasn't for her, and for what it's worth they didn't put particular pressure on her to go back. However, it might have been different if the pressure was coming from a boyfriend or similar.

I wonder if you are interested in perpetuating your family views and find your sisters exploration of Christianity a threat? Christians come with many different political views. Perhaps she respects her partners views and does not want him to be put on the spot by your families views. The other red flags you speak of together with her interest in Christianity may be a concern as there are some controlling men to be found in churches just as there are outside of them. It is good you are concerned for her welfare. Would it bother you if she did become a Christian?

It definitely IS a cult no doubt. Look up John Ronson’s take on it! He spent time investigating them.

@GrannytoaUnicorn, you don't seem to have taken in the bit in OP's post about the boyfriend's family's religious fundamentalism. It may well be the case that most Alpha courses are harmless, but in OP's shoes I'd be worried about a course that this family endorses, or that they are using it as an initial hook to get her into their version of Christianity which doesn't sound at all mainstream.

No church I have ever attended has ‘speaking in tongues’ as a practice. I’ve been to probably 10 or so churches in the UK and USA… of all persuasions.
The ignorance about Christianity on this thread is really sad.

Everyone I’ve ever known who has done the alpha course has turned into a complete born again nutter!!! …

Well, she didn't decide to investigate Christianity all of her own accord, did she? There's obviously pressure from the partner.

The stuff's on line. It's a bit like a very good timeshare presentation, fronted by an annoying personable and plausible Tony Blair clone. If you WANT to believe, he'll tell you how.

But it's only British evangelical Christianity. They aren't as mad as some of the American churches, she won't end up in a weird suicide pact and they won't take all her money.

Christian and lefty feminist here. I found the Alpha course really interesting. It was more a social thing for me and we had some provocative discussions.

Nothing to worry about.

I've been on one and it was really good. I think most people wonder if there's more to life and it is just a way for people to explore that question.

It's interesting that you say you're concerned about her and yet you haven't researched the Alpha course or had any real conversations about her feelings about faith and religion, or even what her DP believes. In your posts, your 'assumptions' (and I'd be tempted to say bigotry) are doing a lot of heavy lifting.
You seem to only respect your DSIS' opinion if it's the same as your's . That's quite intolerant.
It's also interesting to me that round about every major Christian holiday ie Easter and Christmas - MN has threads bashing Christianity from posters who obviously know nothing about it and seem to forget that religion/belief are protected characteristics.

I'm as atheist as they come but the CofE is hardly a dangerous cult. She'll be fine.

My DD was in a coercive controlling relationship with someone who was involved in a very backward-thinking church community in Somerset. The women were all in very traditional female roles, no working, waiting on the men, etc.

The whole community conspired to separate her from her family and disrupt her career. She was subjected to every form of abuse and, although they weren't aware of it, they enabled a lot of it by working as a team to disempower her.

There are some C of E churches in the UK that are very like cults. There are other significant red flags here and you are right to be concerned.

Trying to be positive, if the relationship persists then let's hope it gives her the ammunition to have a healthy debate with her DP and in-laws about consistency of interpretation of scripture. If they base their beliefs on homosexuality on the relatively few Verses in the Bible then they might need to read the labels on their clothing, be careful how they farm and the hundreds of other ways they might need to radically transform the way they live to be consistent. They will perhaps benefit from re-reading the New Testament and understand what it says just to be sure their treatment of LGB people doesn't arise from a position of utter Biblical ignorance or from any hate in their heart.

I did the Alpha course at HTB in London many years ago. I remember lots of interesting discussions. I was usually the one challenging from the non-believer’s perspective. At the time I was doing some voluntary work with vulnerable children and I could never get to grips with how God would allow such suffering to children. So I never quite got on board with the whole thing. At the end it all got a bit serious (some speaking in tongues) and there was supposed to be a weekend away. I knew I wasn’t going to fully commit, so left the course. There was no pressure. I’m glad I did it as it made me realise religion wasn’t for me. I guess the important thing is that your DSis gets to make up her own mind. I hope she’s doing the course without her boyfriend present.

FWIW, no English CoE congregation I've visited could be described as more than mild and no cult-like behaviour in that anecdotal sample. Overall there are some tensions given the global nature of the Anglian Communion between the liberal and conservative elements.

I'm a atheist.

The alpha course is fairly innocuous. However I don't think any religion ought to be able to offer courses to try and get people in, the same way as I believe religious schools have no place in society.

A friend of mine did the Alpha course; once it became obvious he wasn't cracking, he was asked to stop attending, as I assume they felt his lack of belief and questions about the historical context and actual evidence for the existence of Jesus and the disciples were not helping in their recruitment drive. Other people may have had a more pleasant experience. He too had a deeply religious partner who was keen that he should join her in the faith.

Alpha derives from the happy, clappy evangelical wing of the church, albeit now the mainstream church use it as well. It seems pretty harmless to me, but is aimed at people who are "halfway there" I would assume. I'd love to do it, but I think I would suffer the same fate as my friend. It's not really a genuine discussion about Christianity, more a gentle push in that direction.

Boring, untrue, irrelevant ? Probably.

I haven’t RTFT but I’ve done the alpha course and found it wasn’t shoving Christianity in your face it was more just discussions really.
I’m not a practising christian at all, but I found it a useful and enlightening course which supported me in a difficult time of my life. No one was trying to “convert” me or pressure me. It’s not a cult!