[quote julieca]@EducatingArti if the church as an institution is not homophobic, then why won't it marry a same-sex couple?[/quote]
That is a good question.
I suspect we have different definitions of 'the church".
To me "the church" is not an institution but the body of believers who call Christ "Lord" and seek to live, being transformed into his likeness. Some are homophobic but not all by any means.
It would be fair to say that the rules and institutions of the formalised C of E and Roman Catholic church demonstrate homophobia in respect of marriage.
The rules of eg the Methodist church are much more liberal and most would be happy to marry same sex couples in their churches if the law of the land permitted this ( which as I understand it, it doesn't). Some C of E churches ( individual congregations) would also like to conduct such marriages were they allowed by law and the C of E hierarchy.
So, for me, it is too simplistic to say "the church" is homophobic in this regard, because it does not apply to all individual Christians, congregations or indeed denominations.
The church is (as is each individual) a work in progress. Sometimes we are piss poor at showing the love and grace of Christ. Sometimes we do better. Some parts are poorer or better at some things than other parts are. No Christian ( or any other person) is perfect and everyone has their blind spots. We seek to be transformed by Christ. We are not there yet. My views on many things including homosexuality have shifted and changed over time and I feel sad and embarrassed at some of my past actions and attitudes. Others have progressed much further than me in different areas.
There is always a tension which can be seen throughout history when some within the church seek reform. It often leads to painful fallout and schism. Where Christians can negotiate change from within whilst avoiding schism and faction, they do well I think, but it it is a hard and lengthy process. If I claim to know a God who is love, should I not aim (even though I drastically fail) to love all his children, even though I may hate some of the things some of them say and do? I don't have to agree with them, there are times when I need to speak out about things that are concerning/damaging/wrong, heck there are some of them I can't even stand! But I need to respect and love them as people as best I can. Every Christian who thinks deeply about things faces the challenge of when to remain within a current organisation in order to change it from within, and when to leave. No Christian is likely to find an individual congregation where they agree on everything. I think that it is evident in many spheres of disagreement from the Northern Island situation, party politics and even the discussion on these boards, that more change is achieved by good listening, acceptance, and care for the other than by strident argument that just leaves people more entrenched in their previous views.
I suspect many of you may be outraged at me saying I have a need to love and respect those who believe homosexuality is not how God intends people to live. I know! It goes without saying that I and others need even more to love, care for and support those who have been victims of abuse of all kinds, especially from within the church. But there we have it!
As Christians we seek to be "changed from glory, unto glory, till at last we see his face". We are asked to love each other as well as those outside the Christian faith. I hope and pray that those who have prejudices will be changed and transformed as they are loved ( whist also acknowledging I will have my own prejudices that I am blind to at the moment) .