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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Husband asked if he could "get a BJ"

601 replies

hereforthechat · 11/12/2021 07:38

And I said no.

I'm on my period. My period lasts about ten days and we don't have sex during it. My husband occasionally makes comments about BJ's... like joking but not joking. Last night he did it and just kept doing it, so I said "to be clear, that's not happening". He got really grumpy about it. I took our 6yr old to bed (which typically takes ages), came back down and he had gone to bed in a mood.

I just find this so unattractive. Firstly, I don't like giving BJs. We have sex regularly but I just don't like oral. Also, I find it really uncomfortable to be asked for a BJ. Like do we just go upstairs and I service him then leave?... like a hooker? He just doesn't get why that's not very nice for me. Am I wrong here?

OP posts:
ClaudiaJ1 · 17/12/2021 10:00

[quote Derbee]@ClaudiaJ1 it’s not EXTREMEMLY rare. About 5% of women experience long periods, which is counted as lasting more than 7 days (menorrhagia).

That said, because it is unusual, you should never ignore unusually long periods, because of the risk of hormone irregularities, fibroids, polyps, thyroid issues, PID, cancer etc.

But people do live with 10 day periods, and “extremely rare” is misleading[/quote]
@Derbee I and I think most people would count 5% as extremely rare....

Derbee · 17/12/2021 10:41

@ClaudiaJ1 I don’t. Certainly not in a clinical sense.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 17/12/2021 10:46

5% really isn’t extremely rare...that’s 5 women out of a 100, 1 in 20.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 17/12/2021 12:36

Can’t believe I wrote ‘a 100’ - in my defence I had originally written ‘hundred’ after it, then decided to use numerals instead, just forgot to delete the ‘a’.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 17/12/2021 12:47

Get him a fleshlight for Christmas, joking/not joking.

RobertsYourFathersBrother · 17/12/2021 12:55

You see it as being propositioned like a hooker? Why the hell are you married? My hubby always asks for BJs and I happily oblige. Makes him feel good and me feel good. Especially when it's that time of the month. Christ, lighten up, ever considered
that he's asking because he wants you and wants some affectione from you? Poor bugger.

RobertsYourFathersBrother · 17/12/2021 12:56

And he also happily obliges if I ask for the same when it's not my period. In fact he frequently asks to give me oral.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 17/12/2021 13:00

@RobertsYourFathersBrother

You see it as being propositioned like a hooker? Why the hell are you married? My hubby always asks for BJs and I happily oblige. Makes him feel good and me feel good. Especially when it's that time of the month. Christ, lighten up, ever considered that he's asking because he wants you and wants some affectione from you? Poor bugger.
A hug is affection, shoving your cock down your partners throat who is in pain and not in the mood is the opposite of affection. Hookers at least get paid for their services.
Alonelonelylonersbadidea · 17/12/2021 13:08

@hoxt

Who doesn’t want period sex - you or him? If it’s you I’d be more conciliatory about the request. He was only asking!
This would be my query. My DP rejects period sex and the last couple of months I've decided not to give him oral at all as it just isn't fair.

IMO it's reasonable to ask. Unreasonable to sulk about the no and to repeatedly ask.
Very unattractive.

Nanny0gg · 17/12/2021 13:11

@RobertsYourFathersBrother

You see it as being propositioned like a hooker? Why the hell are you married? My hubby always asks for BJs and I happily oblige. Makes him feel good and me feel good. Especially when it's that time of the month. Christ, lighten up, ever considered that he's asking because he wants you and wants some affectione from you? Poor bugger.
Ever considered some people don't like them?
Nanny0gg · 17/12/2021 13:12

@RobertsYourFathersBrother

And he also happily obliges if I ask for the same when it's not my period. In fact he frequently asks to give me oral.
Well, bully for you.

It's lovely that you're so compatible.

HollyandIvyandAllThingsYule · 17/12/2021 13:12

@RobertsYourFathersBrother

You see it as being propositioned like a hooker? Why the hell are you married? My hubby always asks for BJs and I happily oblige. Makes him feel good and me feel good. Especially when it's that time of the month. Christ, lighten up, ever considered that he's asking because he wants you and wants some affectione from you? Poor bugger.
Bully for you! FGS it’s really not hard to understand that not every woman has the same likes or dislikes as you do. And you really should have read the full thread (or, if you have actually done so, thought more deeply about it before spouting your opinion, which in the context of this thread is utter nonsense).

OP is perfectly entitled not to enjoy being treated this way and whether or not you or a million other women love it has absolutely nothing to do with the overarching principles here.

Pemba · 17/12/2021 15:38

Roberts somehow I don't think affection is what the OP's husband is after. And 'poor bugger' is not how I would think of him.

Like a pp said, the obvious response that comes to mind if asked 'Can I get a blowjob?' is 'Do you want fries with that?' OP is not there to service him.

But hey, well done you and your partner, very cool right? Hmm

Enough4me · 18/12/2021 23:39

Couples are different as individuals are different. Sex for me is not about servicing someone else's needs, but about sharing intimacy in a loving way. If my partner asked me in regular conversation for a bj I'd be disappointed and stunned, we just don't make blunt requests like that of each other.

We'd be cuddling and both in the mood to enjoy intimacy, and would go with the flow when we give each other oral sex. When I'm on my period I say when it's light and we can partially carry on or otherwise it's just off and not the end of the world is it!

123Mandy123 · 25/10/2024 20:25

I don’t know these kind of attitudes confuse me. Of course your guy is gonna feel frustrated if he loves blowjobs and the woman he loves. Doesn’t like giving him a blow job? I love that part of men. How can you not love that part of a man?

FupaTrooper · 25/10/2024 20:36

I don't enjoy giving blowjobs, so I don't. I have never given my husband one. There are other beautiful ways to share intimacy and good men don't want their partners doing something they don't enjoy. My husband wouldn't be able to "get off" knowing I wasn't enjoying myself.

I despise the idea that you must do certain things in order to have a "proper" sex life.

I did tell my husband very early on in our dating journey but I don't see why you should have to keep doing it just because you did give them for a while.

LostForIdeas · 25/10/2024 21:14

123Mandy123 · 25/10/2024 20:25

I don’t know these kind of attitudes confuse me. Of course your guy is gonna feel frustrated if he loves blowjobs and the woman he loves. Doesn’t like giving him a blow job? I love that part of men. How can you not love that part of a man?

I didn’t know what whatever you enjoy is what everyone else is also supposed to enjoy.
Does it work with all type of sex?
With food too? Like you enjoy snails do everyone has to enjoy them too

And the fa t a man loved BJ doesn’t mean a woman has to give him some either. Even if they’re husband and wife. We’ve moved on from the 1950s

123Mandy123 · 25/10/2024 21:19

Of course you don’t. But then don’t be surprised if your husband loses interest when his wife doesn’t love pleasing him. Why would you marry a man that loves BJ’s and you hate them it’s like putting him in jail.

FurierTransform · 25/10/2024 21:31

Period circumstance aside as obviously that's not nice, I don't understand at all why so many women seem to have issues with BJs. It takes what, 5minutes max, and is about the easiest and quickest way that there is to make a man feel good all day.

123Mandy123 · 25/10/2024 21:35

It makes them feel good about themselves. That’s why I like doing it.

BarefootHippieChick · 25/10/2024 23:18

123Mandy123 · 25/10/2024 20:25

I don’t know these kind of attitudes confuse me. Of course your guy is gonna feel frustrated if he loves blowjobs and the woman he loves. Doesn’t like giving him a blow job? I love that part of men. How can you not love that part of a man?

Is it your mission tonight to resurrect all the zombie blowjob threads?!

PickAChew · 25/10/2024 23:25

123Mandy123 · 25/10/2024 20:25

I don’t know these kind of attitudes confuse me. Of course your guy is gonna feel frustrated if he loves blowjobs and the woman he loves. Doesn’t like giving him a blow job? I love that part of men. How can you not love that part of a man?

You've revived a 3 year old thread to tell us how much you enjoy having a dick in your gob? Whoopeedoo for you?

Liv999 · 25/10/2024 23:39

PickAChew · 25/10/2024 23:25

You've revived a 3 year old thread to tell us how much you enjoy having a dick in your gob? Whoopeedoo for you?

Show quote history

😂

Luciansmum6 · 25/10/2024 23:55

hotmeatymilk · 11/12/2021 08:04

Stop trying to solve the OP’s not wildly unusual periods so she can be more available to sexually placate her husband!

If my DH asked for BJs in this way and sulked when he didn’t get them, my periods would last 31 days.

😂😂😂

LoveLifeBeHappy · 02/12/2024 17:30

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 17/12/2021 12:47

Get him a fleshlight for Christmas, joking/not joking.

So you wouldn't mind your partner using that and watching some porn in his free time?