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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think everyone hates their MIL?

282 replies

Mercs · 09/12/2021 21:22

As a mum of boys I am honestly petrified people hate their mother in law and I am destined to become an old lady that never sees their kids or grandkids

OP posts:
sammyjoanne · 09/12/2021 23:04

I loved my MIL, I wish she was still here bless her. We had so many laughs, she was an amazing person.

3scape · 09/12/2021 23:06

I'm also one with three am normally ok with mine. One never likes anyone until after they've left her (awful) son - there's some weird issues there. ExMIL and even though she's nice to me now i avoid her.

There's my actual MIL. A bit crackers, not always nice to her son so I'm wary but we are always polite.

Then there's the step mil. Who never really wanted kids in her life but took on the package deal of an eow dad, she does avoid the grandkids and family obligations in general but she's nice and quite fun when required to do family stuff. (It's nothing personal just who she is)

SunscreenCentral · 09/12/2021 23:06

Absolutely not. Mine was gorgeous. She was sweet, kind, loving and generous in every way. She did adore her prince son, but I've had a son since she passed away and I get it.
She was lovely to me when I was a prickly sensitive first-time mother and I'm sad she didn't get to meet her other grandchild

Plantsandpuddlesuits · 09/12/2021 23:07

Mine is wonderful 💕 like a second mum!

We both have similar reading tastes despite the 30 plus year age gap so we have a little book swap thing that's been going for years, not sure who started it or how but whenever either of us have read a good book we pass it on to the other.

She also sends me little random treats in the post, like a little chocolate bar, or some hot chocolate sachets, or my favourite one she does is an m and s voucher for me to take myself and my toddler out for lunch!

XelaM · 09/12/2021 23:09

No, mine was lovely! Still in touch with her even 10 years after my divorce. I wish my husband had taken after his lovely mum!

Mammyloveswine · 09/12/2021 23:09

Mine is lovely!! Abs I make more effort as she has 3 sons who are useless and barely bother!!

LubaLuca · 09/12/2021 23:10

We both have similar reading tastes despite the 30 plus year age gap so we have a little book swap thing that's been going for years, not sure who started it or how but whenever either of us have read a good book we pass it on to the other.

I think this is what I lack with my MIL - we have no common interests. She's never read a book, and hasn't watched a film since 1975.

CarrieBlue · 09/12/2021 23:11

My MIL is lovely. My mother, well….

SunscreenCentral · 09/12/2021 23:16

@LubaLuca the older my dear DF gets, the older the films we watch together ...
Classic movie nights are such a great way of relaxing and connecting, The Three Faces of Eve was a recent one

Freddiefox · 09/12/2021 23:16

I still visit my ex mil, she’s fine, we get on, she’s still part of my family.

Houseofvelour · 09/12/2021 23:17

My MIL is lovely. Sometimes she rubs me up the wrong way but overall, we get on really well.

saraclara · 09/12/2021 23:17

I say this every time there's one of these threads, but my MIL was probably the best person I've known, and loved by everyone. The day she kissed me goodbye and whispered that she loved me was very special to me. I won the MIL lottery.

MrsSugar · 09/12/2021 23:19

Not true ! My MIL is supportive and caring. I’m very fortunate !!

LightDrizzle · 09/12/2021 23:23

Some people are selfish arseholes and most of them have children. They are likely to be arsehole parents and even more likely to be arsehole in-laws because they don’t love their children’s partners as they do their own children.

It was notable however that the recent thread on the worst behaviour people have experienced at Christmas was dominated by people’s mothers, not MILs.

As others have said, people start threads about bad in-laws and CFs. Not nice in-laws and neighbours who always park considerately and keep their noise down.

Finally, we find it easier to call out our own family when they are being a PITA but we don’t have the history and unconditional love to feel able to do it with our in-laws so problems tend to fester. I think that’s a big factor with problems after the birth of a baby; the new mum will usually be quicker to snap at her own mum to give it a rest/ back off but will suffer annoying behaviour from in-laws for longer, hoping their son notices and intercedes, whilst feeling increasingly resentful and murderous.

rhowton · 09/12/2021 23:26

I don't hate mine. She thinks the sun shines out of her sons area though, which can be frustrating.

Thisbastardcomputer · 09/12/2021 23:26

I loved mine, she died at 70, far too young

dollbaby868 · 09/12/2021 23:30

YABU as everyone is different and a lot of people have great relationships with their MIL. I think it's quite common for people to start negative threads about their MILs on here due to their experience but they don't speak for everyone.

I personally am not a fan of DPs mum at all. I never speak to her and keep my distance but had a 47 second phone call with her today. Super cringe😵‍💫

Luredbyapomegranate · 09/12/2021 23:34

I like mine! She can be irritating, but then I can be irritable..

Judging by friends and family, I'd say the idea that paternal grandparents are B list is certainly not universally true, but there is something in it - but as far as I can see that has massive upsides, often they are less to the grindstone on childcare, and get to have more fun.

MrsPsmalls · 09/12/2021 23:40

Mine is fair to middling. No complaints. But for those of you who have dils who hate you, at least 42% will be divorced from your ds soon enough. Even more if we are counting couples who are not married. More men end up with long term relationships with their mums than their 'wives'

BogRollBOGOF · 09/12/2021 23:43

I respect mine. Distance, age (she's older than my grandmother- mismatched generational spacing between our families) and very different backgrounds mean we've never been close, but she's never been a problem and is a good-hearted woman. I remain very grateful for the support when she travelled over for a couple of weeks after each baby was born and was immeasurably helpful through difficult recoveries.

Saracen · 09/12/2021 23:46

I didn't see eye to eye with my MIL on many issues, but we still loved each other.

I was closer to my own parents because we had similar views, so I could ask their advice and know that I would want to take their advice.

frogswimming · 09/12/2021 23:47

Yes yabu. My mil is lovely!

Porcupineintherough · 09/12/2021 23:47

My sil and I both love our mother in law. She says it all depends on what sort of women your sons marry. It's like a pp says, if you are a reasonable person and so are they, then all will be well.

Scbchl · 09/12/2021 23:48

I don't hate my mother in law we get on great and have done for 21 years.

CreamFirstThenJamOnTop · 09/12/2021 23:53

I love mine ❤️

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