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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think everyone hates their MIL?

282 replies

Mercs · 09/12/2021 21:22

As a mum of boys I am honestly petrified people hate their mother in law and I am destined to become an old lady that never sees their kids or grandkids

OP posts:
SophieKat1982 · 09/12/2021 22:44

@houseplantbore

I love mine! I think it helps that she has several grown-up sons and a brood of grandchildren to focus on as well as her own hobbies and interests, so I never feel like my DH is the sole obsessive focus of her entire existence, which is what my friends seem to struggle with, with their MILs.

I don't have much in common with mine on the surface, but she is a very warm, positive person who is lovely to be around and adores her family. She phones DH regularly for a chat, which he always likes, she Facetimes the kids, is there for babysitting when we need it, was involved in our wedding in a really positive and helpful way, is a generous and loving grandmother and is always welcome in our home. So there is hope!

Your MIL sounds like such a special person. I aspire to be that woman! Smile
uneffingbelievable · 09/12/2021 22:44

Mine has supported me in so many ways since her son did the dirty.

Have taken her on holiday with her grand kids and she stays in my house when ever she wants. We do not always agree and avoid certain subjects but overall she and I rub along very well.

Whoknowsweknows · 09/12/2021 22:44

I don’t hate my mil, in fact she’s quite nice, but she needs to learn when to keep her beak out and allow her 30 something son to grow up.

ComeBackPeterComeBackPaul · 09/12/2021 22:45

Really lucky that I have such a lovely relationship with my mil. She is the mother of sons and I fancy that I am a bit like a daughter to her. We just click and can very happily spend time together.

AlbaAlba · 09/12/2021 22:45

I've always got on very well with my long term boyfriend's mothers! We've kept in touch even though I'm no longer romantically involved with their sons. When I've had problems I've been known to talk to them rather than my own DM.

My actual MIL is lovely. A little eccentric in some ways but intelligent, helpful, tactful and kind. She was an absolute godsend after my two DCs were born and I was quite ill.

Trying to think what features all my lovely MIL and boyfriends' mothers had in common -
Kindness, tact, interest in me, boundaries, supportive. No attempt to control their sons. No emotional manipulation. Welcoming me to house/family. Take care to find xmas/bday presents I like. Show me respect. Show they're proud of their son being with me. Great grandmother. We deal with differences, when they arise, politely.

Freecuthbert · 09/12/2021 22:46

Mine is amazing, she's such a brilliant grandmother and has been nothing but supportive. We have a great relationship and will sometimes go out shopping etc together without my partner.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 09/12/2021 22:47

I absolutely adore my MIL, she is the best.

My tips for would be MILS - take your DILs side in every marital dispute😂 , teach your sons how to be decent husbands and dads and treat her like you would your own DD. You can't go far wrong if you follow my MILs blueprint.

spiderlight · 09/12/2021 22:48

Mine is amazing - I genuinely love her and consider her a friend, and my FIL too. Never had a cross word in 22 years.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 09/12/2021 22:48

In fact I often joke I didn't marry my DH, I married my MIL ♥️

AlbaAlba · 09/12/2021 22:49

Also positive, easy going. There was no wedding drama at all, even though they paid for much of it.

All the women I'm thinking of were highly intelligent with very active lives and interests so their sons were not the be all and end all of their existence, and I think that probably helps.

Libertaire · 09/12/2021 22:50

I don’t hate my MIL. We are polite & civil to one another on the infrequent occasions we meet. She’s a perfectly nice, motherly woman whose family is the focus of her life. She & I are just completely different people with different personalities, interests, values, levels of education etc etc. My relationship with her son is the only thing we have in common, and if it were not for this we would not be friends.

BeyondOurReef · 09/12/2021 22:51

I honestly think it’s hugely personal. I hate my mil because she’s a truly awful human with no redeeming features I’ve been able to find.

My ex’s mother, on the other hand, is absolutely lovely. I adore her.

EmWry · 09/12/2021 22:52

I get on great with my MIL, love her to bits. Neither of us are perfect and we both do things the other wouldn't, hold differing views and opinions, etc. But that's being human, isn't it?

To make it 'worse', she's actually my DH's stepmom, who came into his life in his teens... so much room for disaster MIL/DIL territory, but no, she's ace and if I ever divorce her stepson (never, hopefully!) I am taking my MIL with me!

OliviaKeeling · 09/12/2021 22:52

My first MIL was a piece of work until I told her to fuck off.

My second MIL was a lovely lady and I miss her every day. She died before I married her son but I still regard her as my MIL.

Nannyamc · 09/12/2021 22:52

I had a wonderful Mil.and Fil.
Although i married their only son they were the parents i never had. Adored their grandsons and were very generous. I hosted them for Christmas every year. Gone from 2005 but my children still think so much of them.
They would have adored the grandchildren. We try to be the grandparents they were.

Antiqueanniesmagiclanternshow · 09/12/2021 22:53

I love mine. I ALWAYS remember that she feels about my husband, the way i feel about my sons. He is my husband but he is her child.
I hope and pray that i have good relationships with any future daughters in law

wanttomarryamillionaire · 09/12/2021 22:54

Mil 1 was selfish and self centred but tolerable for short periods. Mil 2 was the most vile, narcissistic, spiteful human being ive ever encountered. Still have a cordial relationship with mil 1, mil 2 however can drop dead as far as im concerned.

yikesanotherbooboo · 09/12/2021 22:54

I loved my mil because she had produced DH, loved him and the DC and was part of my family. It is a close relationship to have with someone that you haven't grown up with and there is lots of scope for friction. I decided to accept her for good and bad when ch is what one does with immediate family.

pooiepooie25 · 09/12/2021 22:56

I love mine. I have a better relationship with her than I ever had with my DM. She's got the same sene of humour as me and we are always taking the piss out of each other. I can tell her exactly what I think or feel and we get on great

WhoAre · 09/12/2021 22:58

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This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

huuskymam · 09/12/2021 22:58

I don't. Mine is brilliant wouldn't change her for the world.

ladygindiva · 09/12/2021 22:59

I don't hate mine! She's a bit bonkers and high maintenance but her hearts in the right place and she's a very caring grandma and I love her for that.

elenacampana · 09/12/2021 22:59

Mine is a ⭐️. I’ve just had a baby and she’s gone above and beyond for me!

TheRigatonini · 09/12/2021 23:00

Yes, YABU, I live mine, I like her more than lots of my own direct family. We go and stay at least once every couple of months, often on my instigation!

Seasidemumma77 · 09/12/2021 23:02

Loved my 1st(died), tolerated 2nd, love my 3rd. Mother of I dd and 3ds, hope to be a lovely mil myself in future .

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