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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think everyone hates their MIL?

282 replies

Mercs · 09/12/2021 21:22

As a mum of boys I am honestly petrified people hate their mother in law and I am destined to become an old lady that never sees their kids or grandkids

OP posts:
SirSamuelVimes · 10/12/2021 11:38

Mines just annoying. But dh finds her just as annoying as I do, and so do all her other kids/respective spouses, so I don't think it's a MIL issue, just her as a person!

stayathomer · 10/12/2021 11:43

Raise your sons well to be good partners and don't intrude on their lives when they're married and I'm sure you'll have no issues.
So raise them, then step away. Let me guess, you have daughters Grin

Beautiful3 · 10/12/2021 11:53

Mine was lovely 😍 (she died unfortunately, hence the was).

wigglerose · 10/12/2021 12:11

My MIL's long untreated mental health issues have tipped into being emotionally abusive to FIL, a massive dick to my DH and a lesser dick to my SIL.

My DH is constantly upset by her shitty attitude to his dad and him. I don't like her.

Be a normal person and you'll be fine OP.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/12/2021 12:13

I didn’t hate my MIL at all. She’s now exMIL

Have an awkward relationship now because I felt she didn’t do the right thing by her grandchildren during our difficult divorce, ie let her EA son know how unreasonable he was being

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 10/12/2021 12:16

Raise your sons well to be good partners and don't intrude on their lives when they're married and I'm sure you'll have no issues.

So raise them, then step away. Let me guess, you have daughters

I think it’s good advice, and I have a son!

I’m very clear with him about respect, consideration, empathy etc, but won’t be sticking my beak in to either his or my dd’s life when theyre adults. On the other hand, I’d like them to know I’m there to help IF ASKED, and hope that I’ll be genuinely helpful. Mind you, I expect I’ll still be working when they have kids so won’t be providing free childcare (seems like that’s usually a nightmare for all parties anyway)

AryaStarkWolf · 10/12/2021 12:17

Unfortunately I don't have one as she died when my husband was a teenager, from what I've heard about her and how similar she is to my SIL I think I would have really liked her though. My own mother has 2 DILs and they both adore her so no not everyone hates their MILs. I do worry as well though OP especially after reading threads on here as I have a son and would hate if i didn't get along with his future wife or if he felt we had to become less close n the future in case he's seen as a "mummy's boy"

chipshopElvis · 10/12/2021 12:22

Mine is wonderful, love her to bits.

Spottybluepyjamas · 10/12/2021 12:25

I love mine! Although I am worried about the stereotypical MIL/DIL relationship for when my sons get married

Carinattheliqorstore1 · 10/12/2021 12:26

Nah, I love my mother in law. She’s great. I’m not as close to her as I am my mum, but I still am very fond of her

smashingbaubles · 10/12/2021 12:29

I adore mine - she's not perfect (who is! I know not me!) and has occasionally upset me but always because of something she's done to my DH rather than anything vicious to me. She was unbelievable when my Dad died and has been a wonderful presence in my life. My DH has a similar relationship with my Mum - can sometimes be annoying or he disagrees with elements of our relationship but loves the bones of her.

I think the key is just to not be weird. So many MIL stories I hear seem to be based around the Mum not being able to let her children grow up and have their own lives and families in a way that feels very strange. Just be normal and you'll hopefully have a great relationships.

WorraLiberty · 10/12/2021 12:29

I love my MIL and my ex MIL too.

CounsellorTroi · 10/12/2021 12:30

No I loved mine. She could be difficult and selfish but her heart was in the right place and she was funny and great company. She died 6 years ago and I still miss her.

SantaIsReal · 10/12/2021 12:40

I love my MIL! She's actually been more of a mum to me than my own mum has (I'm NC with my own mum for a few years now).
I'd honestly be lost without her!

Fimofriend · 10/12/2021 12:47

Mine likes me better than she likes her own daughters. We just have more in common. Common interests, common values. Also, I talk to her in a nice manner and when we have borrowed money from my MIL and FIL, we have paid them back in a timely manner. Not "forgotten" to pay for months and then parading new clothes and new gadgets in front of them. We also contact my MIL and FIL just to chat. Unlike my SILs who only contact them in order to plan holidays or because they want something from my MIL and FIL.

Both my SILs do not have good relationships with their MILs either. Not horrid, but not good.

Atla · 10/12/2021 12:50

My mil was lovely. My DH gets on well with my mum and my gran was a much loved mil to 2 dil's.

Lavanderrose · 10/12/2021 12:57

I like mine but she’s extremely self absorbed and thinks DH owes her now he’s an adult because she raised him as a single mother. She has ongoing depression and talks non stop about herself. She’s never messaged me to meet up just us etr and always complains that I “stole” DH away from her. But she can be funny and kind and nice to be around at times.

WorraLiberty · 10/12/2021 13:23

It always makes me wonder why IME there are nowhere near the amount of men hating their FILs?

VestaTilley · 10/12/2021 13:29

YABU. What a mad thing to think.

How often do you see your MIL? Mine is lovely, we get on well and see her and FIL often.

Just bring your boys up to value the importance of family.

Lemonyfuckit · 10/12/2021 13:29

I love mine!

HerRoyalNotness · 10/12/2021 13:33

Mine is fine. We live abroad though. She’s only said two WTF? Things in 17 years. But I suspect just like my H she doesn’t let her real self be seen so I don’t really know either of them. Their preference, likes, dislikes, very shallow relationships tbh. I think if we lived near it would be different and I just realised yesterday I did in fact marry the Boring man who would spend most of his time hanging out with his parents if he could that I was trying to avoid.

Lndnmummy · 10/12/2021 13:43

My mother in law is a better mother to me than my own has ever been. I love her to bits and she is such a huge part of our family. She nursed me through two childbirths and has upped her life twice to come and stay with us when our childcare arrangementa fell through. She had covid last year and needed caring for and out of all her children it was me she asked to do her private care whwb she could not. I love her so much

WeatherwaxOn · 30/12/2021 10:39

My MIL is lovely. My mum died quite soon after I got married. Mil has never overstepped, told me what I should do, held her son up as some golden child, or expressed opinions on our parenting.

Needhelp101 · 30/12/2021 11:29

Mine is now my exMil but I still love her immensely and she does me.

JaceLancs · 30/12/2021 11:41

@Needhelp101
Echoing you - my ExMIL is lovely despite her DS (ExDH left me for OW 25 years ago)
She still treats me like her DIL and same with DGC even though there have been a few more DILs since!