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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think everyone hates their MIL?

282 replies

Mercs · 09/12/2021 21:22

As a mum of boys I am honestly petrified people hate their mother in law and I am destined to become an old lady that never sees their kids or grandkids

OP posts:
SilverHairedCat · 09/12/2021 22:05

I love my MIL. She's a much nicer person than my DM. I like to spend time with her. She's a mum of 5 boys.

harper30 · 09/12/2021 22:06

Mines bonkers but lovely, deffo don't hate her

ClaryFairchild · 09/12/2021 22:06

Not everyone hates them. I didn't, I quite liked her. I think she liked me too.

BUT, now that I've split up from her son, all I am is her grandchildren's mother. If I don't bother contacting her she won't contact me. (Very difficult/odd situation with exH).

She's made it abundantly clear in many ways so I don't bother anymore.

mellicauli · 09/12/2021 22:06

My MiL is lovely. I spend a lot of time with her and we have a good time

Justgivemewine · 09/12/2021 22:06

Absolutely love my MIL

But I think a lot of it has to be give and take on both sides, there are things she does that I love , but I know (from posts on here) would really annoy other people.

It does worry me as a mum of 3 boys, sometimes you can’t do right for doing wrong.

5keletor · 09/12/2021 22:06

I don't hate mine. I wouldn't even dislike my in-laws in the slightest if the only times we saw them weren't birthdays and Christmas, so they can dump an expensive piece of tat our kids will use for maybe a day or 2 before getting bored. I'd much rather they made any sort of effort to properly get to know them and be grandparents, basically, but they won't.

Merryoldgoat · 09/12/2021 22:07

Mine is wonderful and I truly love her. We have our own relationship and she is a wonderful mother and grandmother.

Rainartist · 09/12/2021 22:07

I don't hate mine!
I am a little scared that I might be the hated mil one day being mum to boys but am hoping that knowing not to interfere/overstep the mark will help. It'll all depend on the partner they choose though...

SophieKat1982 · 09/12/2021 22:07

My ex MIL could be difficult and has spoken many a hurtful word to everybody, including her own daughter (who relocated miles away to distance herself from her own mother). My boyfriends mum is lovely. I have sons; the eldest has a steady girlfriend, I adore her. I think as a PP stated, if you’re a nice person, you’ll nurture a beautiful, close extended family of people tho want to be around you.

Theraindropontherose · 09/12/2021 22:09

Absolutely loved mine. She sadly died before my children - her only grandchildren - were born. She would have adored them. I still miss her, and it is 21 years since she died. I see so much of her in my daughter!

Brigittebidet · 09/12/2021 22:09

I miss mine terribly. She died nearly two years ago and has left a massive hole in our lives. She had her moments when she drove me bonkers (and I her no doubt) but we had so much in common and sometimes I found her easier to talk to than my own DM. She also single handedly raised DH who is an wonderful human being so I am so grateful to her for that.

OllyBJolly · 09/12/2021 22:13

I love mine. (Despite her telling me she wishes my husband had married a previous girlfriend!). Both her and FIL (and the other ILs) treat my DCs and GCs as their own and give them a real family (My own family live abroad or are dead).

Genuinely kind, generous people who brought up a wonderful man I was lucky enough to meet and marry.

RedwineforSantaplease · 09/12/2021 22:13

I love mine. We regularly catch up over a bottle of wine.

Thegreencup · 09/12/2021 22:14

Teach your sons that they are more than capable of arranging and organising social functions within the family, that family is important and not just something women do and you'll still your kids and grand kids.

I don't think my MIL is great. But I'd never stop the kids or DH from seeing her. My DH is also capable of picking up the phone to talk to his own mother. And taking the kids to see her. Because he knows his parents and family are important.

godmum56 · 09/12/2021 22:16

mine was lovely. We were very different but we both worked to get on and we did.

teaandtoastwithmarmite · 09/12/2021 22:16

I like mine. It's not always been plain sailing but we get on well now.

Glugglejug · 09/12/2021 22:19

My MIL is sweet. She’s not my mum and so obviously we’ll never have that ‘closeness’ that I have with my own mother but I try and do things ‘equally’ with regards to stuff like Christmas and Mother’s Day etc.

nokidshere · 09/12/2021 22:21

My MIL isn't with us anymore but she was more like a mother than an in law and we got on like a house on fire.

MeltedButter · 09/12/2021 22:21

@Mercs I could have wrote that myself.

Plus I don't have a MiL and have never had one. Husband's mum died when he was young and his dad never remarried.

So I have nothing to go off. Mumsnet has definitely made me worry about being a dreaded mil

houseplantbore · 09/12/2021 22:22

I love mine! I think it helps that she has several grown-up sons and a brood of grandchildren to focus on as well as her own hobbies and interests, so I never feel like my DH is the sole obsessive focus of her entire existence, which is what my friends seem to struggle with, with their MILs.

I don't have much in common with mine on the surface, but she is a very warm, positive person who is lovely to be around and adores her family. She phones DH regularly for a chat, which he always likes, she Facetimes the kids, is there for babysitting when we need it, was involved in our wedding in a really positive and helpful way, is a generous and loving grandmother and is always welcome in our home. So there is hope!

JingleJingleAllTheWay · 09/12/2021 22:24

I love my MIL. She is amazing. I only wish I had a Mum like her.

ChampionOfTheSun · 09/12/2021 22:24

I love mine, we get on very well for the most part. I enjoy spending time with her and she is a lovely Nanny to DD.

Notdoingthis · 09/12/2021 22:24

Mine is lovely and much easier to be with than my mum.

LolaSmiles · 09/12/2021 22:25

The problem with DIL and MIL happens when one or both of them seem to think they need to squabble like petulant teenagers over who wins the man.

It doesn't matter how nice the MIL is if the DIL is the sort of demanding person who thinks she has to be the number 1 most important woman ever to have existed, and with that her and her family are favourites in all things.

It doesn't matter how nice the DIL is if the MIL is overbearing, overinvolved, hasn't cut the apron strings and thinks she should be her little angel's number 1 woman for life.

chelle0 · 09/12/2021 22:25

Mine is a disgusting excuse for a human being. I absolutely cannot stand her. The less has she has to do with us the better.