To be so upset I’ve been denied leave to attend a funeral

[Purplehighlighters]

I’m quite shocked about this and really upset … not even sure why I’m posting but a bit stunned.

I'm so sorry for your loss @Purplehighlighters.

A very dear friend of mine died this summer, my boss could not have been more compassionate or understanding, telling me to take as much time as I needed over the course of the week. My friend had very little family so both I and another friend organised the funeral, it would have broken my heart not to be able to attend.

A little compassion goes a very long way. My boss is extremely supportive of anyone needing time off on compassionate grounds and in return she has a team around her who put themselves out / work additional hours, without complaint, when needed.

I understand it is more difficult for teachers but I really do feel for you.

@Purplehighlighters

I’m no expert but I’m pretty sure any leave had to be approved by the head.

Of course they sometimes have to say yes like when DC are unwell but we can’t just say we are going Christmas shopping or to watch a child’s play and have it unpaid.

Look at your policy OP. The one below is a standard policy- most schools follow this. Your Head has to stick to the policy.

For an hour I think this seems churlish. In our school the head has taught a class for an hour to cover a situation like this before.

@Purplehighlighters

Girlmom will you please stop trying to suggest this is my fault because I haven’t come up with a solution? Apart from anything else TAs don’t really cover at secondary. You don’t understand and you might be trying to help but it’s actually not really help I want.

I haven't suggested it's your fault but if you just wanted to moan then fine - I'll stop trying to help.

I'm sorry for your loss and I hope your boss realises they're being a dick in time for you to be able to attend the funeral.

One hour?!

I'd be going anyway if I'm honest. Others can say what they like but there is no way my place of employment would be telling me I can't attend a loved ones funeral.

Just goes to show how much they value you if I'm honest. It's crap.

Can you find a colleague who would be willing to cover for you? If so could you then write to the head and governors asking again, explaining the importance of attending and offering a solution?

If they still say no then I would be reconsidering my long term future in such a school. I know that if I asked I would be given the time off especially if you are only talking about a couple of hours.

The problem may be that you have not given them enough notice - when did you ask?

In my experience, most schools try very hard to accommodate these requests if at all possible although I don't know about Covid effects on staffing at your school in terms of availability of local supply teachers.

@girlmom21 I agree with you. I would go to a member of staff on a free period and see if they'd cover, I would then give them this time back. Once I'd sorted it I would then go to the head. OP isn't at fault but it's helpful to go with a solution.

Sadly I would imagine part of the problem is the amount of staff already off if ifs like most schools. They are already struggling to cover things as it is.

I've taught in ba school where leave was regularly denied. I was allowed an unpaid day for a close relative's funeral, but would never get leave for a friend.
It sucks, and some people don't understand that being a teacher can be like this.

OP - if it's a really close friend, there's a world of difference between throwing a sickie, and being genuinely too upset to work. If you are struggling to work through your grief, you can take some days off.

Well - they won’t. They’ve said no. An army of supply teachers could descend upon the school and they would still say no and if that’s ‘moaning’ then yes I am moaning. But that sounds a little disrespectful given someone’s premature passing.

I’d be calling in sick with stress for a week OP - tell doctor the bereavement has really affected you. And then you can go to be funeral. Honestly, fuck them.

I don’t think some posters are fully understanding.

The head could arrange cover. There are several members of senior management free that period. The head has decided he prefers to not have to cover this lesson.

Oh actually you self certify for less than a week. So I’d do that, honestly. Your school sound awful.

Ex teacher here and I never worked in such an unsympathetic school as yours. I’d be looking for a new school from September, too. Awful.

That is really rubbish OP. I'd start looking for a new job if my school were that shit tbh.

I think that would be the final straw for me and I’d be looking for a different school. Sorry @Purplehighlighters The head sounds like a dick.

I’m so sorry OP. This is a really horrible way to be treated.

@Purplehighlighters

Well - they won’t. They’ve said no. An army of supply teachers could descend upon the school and they would still say no and if that’s ‘moaning’ then yes I am moaning. But that sounds a little disrespectful given someone’s premature passing.

No advice OP but I do think if the head can't manage a bit of discretion for an hour, they'll be hard placed to to ask for goodwill back from you. If people are saying schools are on their knees, all the more reason to try to do what you can in small ways for people.

I'm in the Private Sector, completely different job, we have Policies just the same but part of being a boss is remembering your team are human beings and one person's close friend, is no less than another person's sister.

Are they trying to get rid of you?

I'd push back and say there are plenty of staff to cover

Frankly id say I was taking it - I can't imagine they'd be able to get rid of you for this petty bullshit

My Dh is leaving teaching after 18 years - the average time in teaching is 8 years so I think he's a bloody hero

"So you'd be happy for your operation to be cancelled because the theatre nurse was at the funeral of her 2nd cousin? "

I know the NHS is struggling, but if we had a proper health service the nurse would just be replaced by another.
I'm surprised someone would begrudge going to a relative's funeral for a child minder too actually.

Once had a head who gathered together all the staff who'd missed a single session of inset and made them attend a 'disagregated' training day on the first day of the Christmas holidays. This included staff who were in hospital, suffering bereavements etc at the time of the missed inset. You can imagine the atmosphere in school on those days. Leave, there are better places out there and these schools need to realise they won't keep staff if they behave in this way.

Read thread people! She’s a teacher, it’s a close friend.

Hi OP - I think there is a real misunderstanding about leave polices to attend a funeral of a close friend. Most policies are written in such a way as to be flexible as it is about the relationship of that individual to you - ie a friend can mean more to some people than an uncle. Gonna be flamed for this but would seriously consider calling in sick because you are in no fit state to teach because of emotional distress.

‘ It's not inhumane. Wait until you've got a colleague who has a funeral to attend every few weeks.

Some people almost treat attending funerals as a hobby.’

I’m willing to go out a limb a say OP probably doesn’t treat attending funerals as a hobby. FFS.