To be so upset I’ve been denied leave to attend a funeral

[Purplehighlighters]

I’m quite shocked about this and really upset … not even sure why I’m posting but a bit stunned.

Of course I am sad about my friend, but I am really finding the posts here a bit much.

why wouldn’t you fill the form in anyway

Silly me, I didn’t think of that. Of course, I didn’t follow procedure when I asked my head for time off.

I’m very sorry to hear about the death of your friend, I’m also quite surprised at how many people are suggesting you lie.

I had a close friend die four years ago, I couldn’t attend the funeral for health reasons as at a distance. I remember my friend in my own way. Her lovely Father who is actually a retired teacher and I meet up once or twice a year for lunch and talk about lots of things including his DD. He is a widower and she was an only child. She used to love a pear tree in my garden and I used to give her some every year. I now take some to her Dad. I ring him every couple of months.

You will find a way in the future to remember your friend with love it’s too hard to really think about now.

Yup. I think it is obvious that I do not have a clue. I hope that you can have a few hours aside this day to think deeply about your friend and what this person meant to you. All the best.

I mean this gently but you sound very stressed right now- I'm therefore saying being off from work would not be a lie and sounds like you need that time away.
Take care

Jesus, op, there's no problem in life that MN cannot make feel worse, what a shitty thread. I'm sorry you didn't get leave to say goodbye to your friend, of course you feel aggrieved that the school didn't make arrangements to facilitate your request. It sucks. Put this thread down, you won't get anything out of it.

Happend to my bf aswell. He workes in an office (no clients or anything needing coverage). Asked if he could work from 7-15 instead of 9-17 for one day so he could go to a funeral. Boss said no.

@FourTeaFallOut Yes I am convinced there are some people on MN who get their kicks out of kicking posters who are upset or vulnerable.

[quote julieca]@turnaroundtime I advise you go and take a look at yourself. Because you seem to have zero empathy. I don't understand why you would want to go on a public forum and kick someone when they are down.[/quote]
Really no idea what you are talking about. You seem very hostile. I just made what I thought were balanced points consistent with what many many others have said. Sometime it is appropriate to grant time off sometimes it isn't. It depends on a whole host of factors.

@WeKnowFrogsGoShaLaLaLaLa

OP, what would happen if you went anyway?

Dear Head, Your decision to decline my reasonable leave request leaves me with no option. Therefore I will be leaving site at xx:xx and will return at xx:xx. Cover work will be left __.

It's not a sackable offence. You may have to explain yourself to governors - including how cover was available and offered. It's not you that will come off badly.

She could not do that. She would be in breach of contract.

Some people have no idea how secondary schools work, how tight the procedures and how inflexible it is.
Any time off is pretty inflexible.

And breach of contract would not be an instant dismissal.

She would have to explain herself, absolutely, but she wouldn't be fired. It would be uncomfortable but not impossible.

Just disappearing would be different but she is making her position clearShe can also prove that cover was possible, and the head chose not to allow it - again this would go in her favour, not his.

Unless of course OP comes back with a mega drip feed about walking out of school on a weekly basis, which would of course change the narrative.

@Maireas

Some people have no idea how secondary schools work, how tight the procedures and how inflexible it is. Any time off is pretty inflexible.

and some people think because they get told something that's that and there's nothing they can do about it.

Sadly, @girlmom21, I doubt she can do anything about it, although you'd best put that to the OP. Where I work it would be out of the question, no matter how often you ask.

I think the main issue here js that OP has asked for the time off, the head has said no despite there being cover available so clearly they're just being a dickhead.

For the fact that others had already offered to cover, I would just call in sick for the day. Sickness doesn't just have to refer to vomiting and diarrhoea, you can take a mental health day or just be feeling stressed or be grieving for a friend who has passed away. No one here would be put out - kids have a cover teacher, you get to attend the funeral of a friend.

It infuriates me that workplaces think they can just dictate your whole life to you. Like others have said there are ways around this - if your friend meant a lot to you and you feel like you need to attend the funeral then do so.

Anyway, I'm just going on what the OP is saying, which rings true with me and my experience as a teacher.
Some of you obviously know better or have more leeway at work, but the OP has obviously tried her best.
Sorry for your loss, OP

Girlmom we all get you think I’m a pushover who deserves everything she gets, but what you don’t seem to understand is that I have no course of action that doesn’t involve an outright lie which I am not comfortable with.

Honestly, girlmom, you don't know what you are talking about.

If op did any of the things you (or others) are talking about, she would be on a disciplinary. But worse, her card would be marked. Her timetable would be shit next year, and the year after that. She'd get all the crappy classes. She'd get no alevel teaching again. She'd get no support, she'd get blamed for poor behaviour, she'd get crap performance management observations. She would be made so miserable she would be effectively forced to leave. But then her reference would be shit and in teaching your references are given ahead of the interview so you'd struggle to get another job.

It is a brutal and inflexible workplace and if you've no experience of it you really need to stop constantly telling the op she hasn't tried hard enough.

That’s pretty mean when you only need an hour away. When you think if extra duties teachers stand in for, additional time at them of the day, additional time on trips , parents evenings etc…. I’m sure a TA or the head could supervise for an hour.
Hope you’re unavailable next time they want you for an e tea hour.

@SirSamuelVimes is sadly correct.

Of course @SirSamuelVimes is correct but I’m just amazed that Girlmom is so convinced she’s right and knows better than all the people here who work in teaching.

[quote Philandbill]@SirSamuelVimes is sadly correct.[/quote]
They are. Spot on.

and some people think because they get told something that's that and there's nothing they can do about it.

I'm struggling to believe you've ever set foot in a workplace @girlmom21 ! Ever heard of consequences? This is her livelihood!

@SirSamuelVimes

Honestly, girlmom, you don't know what you are talking about.

If op did any of the things you (or others) are talking about, she would be on a disciplinary. But worse, her card would be marked. Her timetable would be shit next year, and the year after that. She'd get all the crappy classes. She'd get no alevel teaching again. She'd get no support, she'd get blamed for poor behaviour, she'd get crap performance management observations. She would be made so miserable she would be effectively forced to leave. But then her reference would be shit and in teaching your references are given ahead of the interview so you'd struggle to get another job.

It is a brutal and inflexible workplace and if you've no experience of it you really need to stop constantly telling the op she hasn't tried hard enough.

Exactly this

I have only read your posts, not all the replies so apologies if this has been said. Is there anyone in your department/another teacher who has PPA at that time who might be willing to cover for you. I know every school/management team is different but at mine they are happy for us to arrange our own cover and this week I am doing just that to allow a colleague to go to her child’s nativity play. It might be worth a shot - go to them with a solution? I am really sorry you are going through this. Sending

Do you think you might have to phone in sick because you’re too depressed to think clearly for work on the day of the funeral.

Honestly, it’s sickening that people and employers think they have the right to judge whose funerals you can go to. Some friends are closer than immediate family. It’s an appalling grey area in our employment laws.