To be so upset I’ve been denied leave to attend a funeral

[Purplehighlighters]

I’m quite shocked about this and really upset … not even sure why I’m posting but a bit stunned.

@girlmom21

We would be allowed to go to any funeral at mine, they would never challenge that. It’s inhumane.

It's not inhumane. Wait until you've got a colleague who has a funeral to attend every few weeks.

Some people almost treat attending funerals as a hobby.

Some people almost treat attending funerals as a hobby - really?

You sound nice.

Haven't rtft but I knew you'd be a teacher 🙄 obviously our friends are not important enough strictly family only!

OP I know when you are in the eye of the storm at this stage of the term it can feel like you’re totally powerless.

You do still have options though. In the end you must do what you can live with.

I would self certify for 2/3 days in this situation. It is not reasonable for them to not allow an hour for a funeral and this is inevitably going to have an effect on your MH.

Sorry for your loss but this isn’t unusual If your a teacher and it’s not an immediate relative. Try not to worry about it. You don’t need to attend a funeral to pay your respects.

@logsonlogsoff @didthosefeetinancienttimes

I've not said OP is one of those people. Those people are the reason OP isn't being allowed time off. Because sometimes people take the piss.

I had an older colleague who'd go to the funerals of the siblings or parents or cousins of acquaintances. Some people do really treat them as a hobby. It's bizarre.

I'd go anyway. I mean if they need you so badly, they're not going to fire you are they? I have got to the age where I would not be bullied like this.

Just leave cover work for your class and see if you can find another member of staff to do the cover lesson.

Your head sounds absolutely horrible. It's really not a hardship to cover for someone for ONE HOUR. I'm not even a teacher and I could manage that, especially if you left me some work for them to do. At this time of year a revision lesson, writing an essay, doing a worksheet etc are all easy to organise.

It sounds like he either likes to make a point, doesn't trust his own staff, or is a lazy arse.

I'm really sorry for your loss and sad for you that you can't go. For many people, and I'm one of them, funerals are a really important part of the grieving process.

RIP your friend

That's dreadful OP, I'm so sorry.

I think as some people have said, it depends on the circumstances. A 'friend' is a very broad term and could mean anyone from a life long bestie to someone I met a couple of times when I was at uni 25 years ago. I can see how it is not automatic that time off would be granted, especially if there is no cover. It depends on the job and the person whose funeral it is.

OP I’m so sorry they are being really harsh as it’s only an hour. For some people friends can be closer than family. I’m so sorry for your loss.

Whilst not the same as attending in person are they recording the funeral. I eventually was able to get a copy of the live feed of a funeral I couldn’t attend. It meant a lot to be able to watch it.

@turnaroundtime

I think as some people have said, it depends on the circumstances. A 'friend' is a very broad term and could mean anyone from a life long bestie to someone I met a couple of times when I was at uni 25 years ago. I can see how it is not automatic that time off would be granted, especially if there is no cover. It depends on the job and the person whose funeral it is.

Do you really think the OP would be that upset if it was someone she'd met a couple of times?

@Purplehighlighters

I don’t think some posters are fully understanding.

The head could arrange cover. There are several members of senior management free that period. The head has decided he prefers to not have to cover this lesson.

Have you asked one of those SMT members to cover for you? I can't see how the head can say no if you've got it arranged.

If the head is that much of an arse, I'd be looking for a new job.

Academies and I'm assuming its one , are just a business and the teachers minions . I would remember it when they want any unpaid favours especially around OFSTED time.

I have to say I’m finding this tremendously disrespectful. It’s worse than the Head.

Maybe you think I’m being unreasonable but referring to someone’s death as a ‘hobby’ is horrible.

Yanbu.

It's not that hard to arrange an hour's cover in school (SLT do it if needed) and it absolutely should be done for this.

There's no way I could tell a member of staff who'd only asked for an hour that they couldn't attend a friend's funeral. If I did I think I'd got exactly what I deserved if they went sick with stress due to bereavement between now and Christmas.

Go sick and start looking for a new school OP.

For an hour I honestly don't think it matters at all who the person is , assuming OP isn't in the habit of going to "everyone's" funeral.

If it's a neighbour she nods to over the fence, OP should be there if she wants to be.

An hour to attend a friend's funeral doesn't sound unreasonable at all. I'm sorry for your loss . At worst you should be offered it as unpaid leave/annual leave.

@EmmaWoodhousestreehouse

Sorry for your loss but this isn’t unusual If your a teacher and it’s not an immediate relative. Try not to worry about it. You don’t need to attend a funeral to pay your respects.

I don't think that's the point. If you value staff you can cut some slack for these things. She's asking for an hour.

I think maybe it's covid related? Schools are so stretched right now. But either way I would feel angry and under valued. I would speak to the head directly about it. If I wasn't happy with the explanation I would start looking for a new school.

OP apart from this are you happy at the school?

I feel for you. My Head is really good about things like that and would cover for you. My being so reasonable the staff are less likely to take the mick!

Does this head have a history of being difficult just because he can?

Teacher here too OP, YANBU. If your head acts like this over a funeral then I can only imagine what the running of the school is like.... I'd get out quick if I was you. Look for a new job. Its not like that everywhere. I had paid leave to attend my cousins wedding and my TA covered. Other staff have done the same. Your school sounds shit.

@Purplehighlighters I am so sorry. Some people don't seem to take the deaths of friends seriously. Maybe because they themselves have never had close friends. I too would be really upset.
I think if I was you I would go to school in the morning and then just start crying at work. It probably won't be too difficult to do anyway.
And honestly I think MN is one of the worst places on the internet for support. There are some people here who just seem to enjoy kicking anyone when they are down. Its about them being bitter and nasty, nothing to do with you xxx

@turnaroundtime I advise you go and take a look at yourself. Because you seem to have zero empathy. I don't understand why you would want to go on a public forum and kick someone when they are down.