To be so upset I’ve been denied leave to attend a funeral

[Purplehighlighters]

I’m quite shocked about this and really upset … not even sure why I’m posting but a bit stunned.

@StoneofDestiny I have seen you post that anecdote before on threads like this. Why? Do you enjoy upsetting people?

That’s so arbitrary why would you be less likely to be close to a cousin of your own generation than an aunt/uncle. 🤷‍♀️

The problem may be that you have not given them enough notice - when did you ask?

How inconvenient of the deceased not to give sufficient notice of her death. And some funerals are arranged very quickly, a family member of mine's was. We had 4 days notice.

[quote julieca]@StoneofDestiny I have seen you post that anecdote before on threads like this. Why? Do you enjoy upsetting people?[/quote]
Why would it upset anyone on here?

I couldn't attend the funeral of a friend. I found it very emotional at the time of the funeral knowing that the family and friends were saying goodbye. For a close friend I would ask the head to consider this before refusing leave.

What would happen if you went back and said look, I'll be away for this hour to go to the funeral. Would they fire you? Would the union stop it? Might be worth sorting cover and then trying it. There's always vacancies in january.

@WomanStanleyWoman OP posts about how upset she is not to get time off to go to a funeral.
stone posts - oh I knew this time I think teachers took the piss with a funeral. How is that an appropriate reply to an upset person? It is totally irrelevant and can only be designed to basically say - oh well I am sure she thinks you are taking the piss.

@StoneofDestiny the OP has said they were a close friend, not a random colleague from years ago. So because some people take the piss (which is probably very rare) it's a blanket rule for everyone? And for one hour? Are you an arseholes Headteacher too?

Pff I'd start looking for other jobs. That's so cold and heartless of them.

[quote julieca]@WomanStanleyWoman OP posts about how upset she is not to get time off to go to a funeral.
stone posts - oh I knew this time I think teachers took the piss with a funeral. How is that an appropriate reply to an upset person? It is totally irrelevant and can only be designed to basically say - oh well I am sure she thinks you are taking the piss.[/quote]
That’s not how I read it. I read it as the Head refusing everyone else permission, but then going themselves. It sounds like it was the Head who took the piss.

I've been teaching a long time. In the distant past, time off for funerals was pretty easy to arrange. But it's a downside of rarely cover - cover is so expensive that I think a lot of schools limit time off for funerals to immediate family only.

[quote julieca]@StoneofDestiny I have seen you post that anecdote before on threads like this. Why? Do you enjoy upsetting people?[/quote]
Weird. Because it's totally irrelevant to the OP's situation.

@WomanStanleyWoman I would have thought if the anecdote didn't end with the fact that none of the teachers except the head went to the service the night before.

It's sad, but pretty standard for schools.

Not in the schools I've worked in. Even the school I really didn't enjoy working at as it was quite an impersonal and not overly friendly place, allowed staff time off for funerals - and not just the standard immediate family bit. It is usually unpaid for non immediate family, but usually granted ime.

I went through a sad stage of having 3 funerals close together - was allowed a day for all three. Was never an issue.

Could you see if a colleague will cover for you (and you return the favour) and present it to the governor's as something that can easily be arranged and covered?

@WomanStanleyWoman StoneofDestiny was most definitely having a pop. The virtuous Head was the only member of staff who went to the evening recieving of the body (so not requiring time off in school time), whereas their workshy staff who asked for time off for the funeral, only wanted to go if it was in school time, and didn't care enough if it involved going to a funeral in their own time. I wouldn't be surprised if it's an entirely made up story. It's definitely third hand, it not clear if they even know the Head or any of the teachers involved.

[quote Purplehighlighters]@Happy1982ish do you think I’ve created this thread without asking for leave?

You aren’t entitled to unpaid leave just because you want it. You can ask but they don’t have to grant it. I do know most would.[/quote]
I keep saying this but check your school policy. If it says you will be granted unpaid leave to attend a funeral- as per the examples I posted- you are entitled to it. Check your policy. As long as you gave reasonable notice - which should be outlined in the policy- you are entitled to the leave. With a funeral you can't know weeks in advance so 5 working days would be reasonable probably.

Ah, OP that is tough and especially hard given that you have dedicated many years to your career. What an hard hearted person the head teacher is.

I missed my Grandmothers and my cousins funerals but I work in the NHS and to go I would have had to cancel an entire clinic, for patients that had waited weeks to be seen. I wouldnt even consider asking for the time off.

In your case, a TA would easily be able to cover if you left set work, so there is a massive difference between our situations. Common sense needs to be applied.

Then we wonder why there is a mental health crisis.

@StoneofDestiny

I recall hearing a Headteacher being asked for 9 people to be released go to a funeral on the same day (a former colleague from many decades before). They were told it was impossible to run the school with 9 extra absent on top those already off. It was suggested that 1 could represent them all at the funeral and the rest were told they could go the evening before to the church when a short service was to be held to 'welcome the deceased' to lie overnight in the church. (Obviously in their own time) The Headteacher went to the 'reception of the body'. None of the 9 staff did.

So you’re implying the staff were skivers?

[quote Purplehighlighters]@ThanksItHasPockets - but the head doesn’t want me to be out. It’s not that cover can’t be found.

I’ve been teaching nearly twenty years and I know things aren’t like this everywhere thankfully but I am put out at this.[/quote]
Sorry to hear this, op. You did say up thread that cover was not available. I hope you are in a position to start looking for a new job immediately, ideally for an Easter start.

It's sad, but pretty standard for schools.

It is not. I have been teaching for nearly twenty years and I have just totted up that I have worked for eight headteachers in that time. None of them would deny this request. The leave might be unpaid, you might be asked to arrange a reciprocal pact with a colleague to exchange cover, but the teacher would not be denied permission to attend the funeral. I know a lot of teachers but have only ever heard the funeral anecdotes on MN. I truly cannot understand why anyone stays in schools that are run like this.

I think it’s unreasonable not to let you attend. I’m a teacher and would be able to go to a friend’s funeral. I can’t believe that there are that many people who would abuse their employer’s goodwill on this one.

I'm a teacher, I've always found schools quite uncaring with funerals. There seems to be quite a specific rule about which exact close relatives "count", which is obviously ridiculous (many people are far closer to their closest friends than to their family). BUT it usually goes like this: someone asks for a day off, school comes back with the offer of half a day, unpaid.

Sorry I've not rtft- have you spoken to your union rep?

Ps I'm sorry for your loss

I would just go. What would you regret in the future- not going to the funeral?

It's dreadful when they won't allow you to take your annual leave. When I worked in a school (non teaching) for 8 years I needed to attend two funerals. First one BILs mum who is known for over 20years and my sister wanted me there. I was denied as we were only permitted time off during term time to attend next of kin funerals. So I went off sick a few days before. No way was I not going to be there for my sister and BIL. Next time, couple of years later my best friend of 30 odd years father died. Who id known since I was a teenager. No way was I not going to go and be there for my friend and his family. but luckily it was local and lunchtime so I went and got back within 1.5hrs but couldn't attend the wake. Gutted.
It's Brutal working at a school even when you don't work term time only - I worked all year but could only take my leave during school holidays.
I'm sorry for your loss - I would go. You will feel much better having been there for your friend. I feel strongly that in these circumstances you can't be permitted a days leave, take it sick or parental leave.
School annual leave is dreadful - yes teachers get a lot of holiday but they are people who have families and will occasionally need time off during term. Death can't be pre arranged to fit the timetable.

That would make me seriously reconsider working at this school. (I am a teacher). I am sorry OP. This is very shitty.