To be so upset I’ve been denied leave to attend a funeral

[Purplehighlighters]

I’m quite shocked about this and really upset … not even sure why I’m posting but a bit stunned.

@Purplehighlighters

It is the funeral of a friend.

Teacher, can’t take annual leave.

I am so sorry

@MissLucyEyelesbarrow i'm very, very close to my second cousin so yes actually i'd be happy for my theatre nurse to go to that funeral.

Call their bluff and say you've thought about it but are going anyway. They can pay you or not. If you can demonstrate its covered by a colleague (ideally in their PPA) so can't be called upon to cover elsewhere then you've done your bit. A lot of these heads are just bullies.

YANBU
I was at work when I got a call to say my younger cousin had died, because we were so close in age (he was 32) I was very, very upset and sobbing. My boss took one look at me and sent me home, paid. I came in for the morning before the funeral and left and he didn't expect me back in afterwards
He also gave me two days paid leave when my horse died suddenly, took the photos down from my desk in case I didn't want to see them and generally mothered me for a bit
I have so much respect for him because of what he's done for me

I think the head is unreasonable - esp if you could sort cover. I'd definitely be unavailable next time that something outside your directed hours was needed/wanted. Goodwill needs to work both ways.

.....and unpaid leave wasn't an option as if it was, I would have taken it both times. Just a 'no' unless it's a parent or sibling. I found it shocking after working in the civil service for many years and then corporate business for several years. Leave could always be negotiated - paid or unpaid. At the school (independent) we were not even allowed one day to move house. No option to take additional unpaid leave. So you're stumped if you can't complete during school holidays. I had to go to work and let my elderly parents deal with the removals and estate agents as my completion date fell in September!

If your HT is adamant that you're not to go to the funeral make sure that you 'develop' a nasty vomiting virus/migraine/flu at some point soon and take a couple of days off. If they're going to treat you like that dish it right back.

I think that some posters on here simply don’t appreciate that teachers just can’t take annual leave and time off, for whatever reason. (Don’t even get me started on midwife appointments!) I have every sympathy for the OP and think that her only option is to call in favours from her colleagues as previously suggested.

@StoneofDestiny

I recall hearing a Headteacher being asked for 9 people to be released go to a funeral on the same day (a former colleague from many decades before). They were told it was impossible to run the school with 9 extra absent on top those already off. It was suggested that 1 could represent them all at the funeral and the rest were told they could go the evening before to the church when a short service was to be held to 'welcome the deceased' to lie overnight in the church. (Obviously in their own time) The Headteacher went to the 'reception of the body'. None of the 9 staff did.

Similarly, I heard about a school where a member of staff died. They'd worked at the school for donkeys' years and didn't have much family. Staff were not happy that the head wouldn't close for the funeral to allow staff to attend. In the end the funeral wasn't until half-term. Two staff attended.

Not relevant to OP's case, though.

[quote Orchid876]@luluBlakey1 school staff can't take unpaid leave without permission.[/quote]
Yes, I understand that- I was a Deputy Head in a secondary school. My point is the policy is everything here. She needs to check what the policy says- they are much of a muchness about unpaid LOA to attend a friend's funeral. They usually say the Headteacher will grant this LOA unpaid for one day plus travelling time - I attached some examples in my post.
If that is what hers says, she is entitled to challenge him/her saying no. The only reason for saying no would be if she had given very short notice and it could not be managed - unlikely as she seems to be asking for just 1 hour. If she challenges it through her union, a phone call is likely to take place between Head and union rep and the Head will back down.
There is something odd here though. There's something else going on.

If there's no cover the head teacher should bloody take your class for the hour. Can see why they have that little slack if they treat their staff this way.

@Gwenhwyfar

"So you'd be happy for your operation to be cancelled because the theatre nurse was at the funeral of her 2nd cousin? "

I know the NHS is struggling, but if we had a proper health service the nurse would just be replaced by another.
I'm surprised someone would begrudge going to a relative's funeral for a child minder too actually.

I think the point is there isn't someone to cover the nurse. And there's no one to cover the teacher.

The government is providing enough funding to provide enough staff anywhere.

@Mushypeasandchipstogo you are entitled to paid time off for antenatal care. My previous head tried to say I needed to rearrange 12 week scan (rainbow baby after foetal anomalies detected in previous pregnancy). I said nothing to her but emailed her secretary to say how insensitive the request was given the circumstances and that she could take it up with my union. Nothing more was said and I didn't rush back from any of those appointments. It's all about goodwill. A good manager will understand better to give an hour here and there than lose days/weeks/months when the teacher burns out.

It’s really poor. It’s a funeral, not a spa day. Could you arrange a chat with the head and explain how close this person is to you, how upset you are at not being given permission to attend and explain that you are asking for their compassion? Sometimes, people with very little empathy run schools and they do nothing more than look at it as a matter of cover,

This wouldn't happen in my school. Head/colleagues all lovely, caring and reasonable.

However, the utter lack of flexibility to even take a day unpaid if planned months in advance (think staying over for dd's graduation the other end of the country) is what has made me hand in my notice. Leaving teaching a week tomorrow after starting in 1988. I want a bit of say over my own time.

No - it may not be relevant to OP's case and nobody on here was referred to directly or indirectly. The point was about funeral leave in schools and made to illustrate that making provision for teachers to attend funerals is difficult (the rule is generally close family only, and an exception for 1 can open cans of worms down the line).Sometimes, as at least 2 cases on this thread show, when alternative ways of showing your sympathy are shown, they are not taken.
If I was the Head in OP's case (I'm not a Head), I'd take the class myself or delegate a SLT member to do so, as they are only asking for 1 hour.

If your HT is adamant that you're not to go to the funeral make sure that you 'develop' a nasty vomiting virus/migraine/flu at some point soon and take a couple of days off. If they're going to treat you like that dish it right back

That just punishes other people children who are denied their teacher.

I'd be so fucked off about this I'd probably sit and bawl in the staff room till the head felt like such an arsehole they changed their mind. Or resign. I think this is a disgusting way to treat a long standing member of staff, OP.

I’m so sorry for you. Things like this make such a huge difference to whether you feel valued as a member of staff.

I’d like to think this wouldn’t happen in my school as it has historically been a caring school. However, changes in management and the consequences of COVID would make me wonder. We are currently at breaking point…cover is so tight people have been used during PPA time (protected time for planning and marking of which you get two a week). This is at a time of end of term assessments, mock exams etc that are time consuming to mark. Many staff are at breaking point and I’ve seen some in tears this week. It’s so sad that the consequences of staff absences are so far reaching and there aren’t any real contingency plans.
It’s especially poor if your staff isn’t currently struggling with staff absences.

School budgets are very stretched since Covid and supply teachers and even TAs and cover supervisors are in short supply at the moment, so I can understand why it is a no.

I do think that not allowing this can be short-sighted in terms of schools keeping on, or losing, good staff but maybe the SLT's hands are tied at the moment? After all, SLT can cover occasionally, it depends if they are really not able to or whether they are already covering elsewhere.

I am very sorry for your loss and you were right to come and have a jolly good vent here about not being allowed to go. Perhaps you and a few friends can meet up to do something in remembrance later?

Who cares how stretched school budgets are? This was an hour. And schools are struggling to keep good staff as well.

When a member of staff died our HT closed the school for the day and closed it the day of the funeral too. I thought that was the kind thing to do even though it was a bit of a nightmare contacting parents. He went in early and started ringing them then it was shared out to help the office staff.

I'm really sorry op, that's shit and really awful of your head I think.

I'm so sorry about your friend and i hope you're doing ok

So if on the morning of the funeral you had a positive lateral flow test, you couldn't go to work and would have to get a PCR and be off until the results came back.
Just a thought...

@StoneofDestiny but an upset teacher who could be struggling all day is fine 🙄.

OP in this situation I'd go sick