To be so upset I’ve been denied leave to attend a funeral

[Purplehighlighters]

I’m quite shocked about this and really upset … not even sure why I’m posting but a bit stunned.

It is not hyperbole. Dishonesty is taken very seriously and rightly so.

You can’t lie and say you have to self isolate and go to a funeral. You just can’t do that and expect it not to be taken very seriously.

@Purplehighlighters

I think a few people don’t understand.

If I lied and said I had to isolate and was found out not only could I be sacked for gross misconduct but I could also be removed from the teaching registration body.

I understand OP. Used to be a teacher and people outside the profession really don't get how I flexible it is. In fact, I'd even say that people in primary don't get how it is in secondary! My mil was a primary head and she was going on about how the staff covered each other so they could go see their own kids in nativity plays etc. She honestly thought the same could happen at my large secondary, I was incredulous!

It's not the main reason I left teaching buy it's one of them. It's a very thankless role in many ways.

I've been in teaching and heard of this happening, so I would always advise faking a sick day rather than risk asking if you work for that sort of head.

My very first head of department told me this in my first year of teaching. Lovely old chap, he was so determined to look after his staff, especially new young nqts.

[quote FlexibleWorkingDenied]@lanthanum

Similarly, I heard about a school where a member of staff died. They'd worked at the school for donkeys' years and didn't have much family. Staff were not happy that the head wouldn't close for the funeral to allow staff to attend. In the end the funeral wasn't until half-term. Two staff attended.

Are you implying (in this case that you’ve “heard of” but seem to know all the details) that the staff wanted to go to a funeral for a jolly away from work?[/quote]
I don't think it's quite like that. I think it's more that they rated the funeral as more important than work, but not important enough to cancel their holiday. That's probably understandable, but in that case so is the head's view that it wasn't a good enough reason to cancel school. I just hope the funeral wasn't delayed in order that the staff could attend.

neu.org.uk/advice/misconduct-and-teaching-regulation-agency

OP please read this. Yes, of course if you were caught pulling a sickie you could be disciplined by the school but suggesting that you could be subject to a prohibition order for it is hyperbole. The TRA investigate and hear serious cases- criminal activity (fraud, sexual misconduct etc…) they are not striking off teachers for wanting to go to a funeral.

Anyway, self certify or speak to your GP and go to the funeral you clearly need to.

@Purplehighlighters

It is not hyperbole. Dishonesty is taken very seriously and rightly so.

You can’t lie and say you have to self isolate and go to a funeral. You just can’t do that and expect it not to be taken very seriously.

What you can say is "I need some time off. I'm too stressed to be teaching efficiently right now."

I know exactly what the TRA do. Lying (especially claiming you have to self isolate) would be an extremely serious matter. It doesn’t matter that it’s for a funeral, or for shopping, or to go on holiday: they will take it extremely seriously. Whether it would lead to a prohibition order or not is uncertain but it would still be gross misconduct and dismissed by the school.

Girlmom, I have to admit I don’t understand what you are getting out of this thread. I’m not too stressed to teach and I don’t think it’s fair to lie. Yes, it impacts the head. It also impacts my colleagues and students, some of whom are sitting A level exams in a few months. In any case the same applies. Lying is bad advice.

I am more upset that I am clearly not valued as a member of staff, and that upset is being lost under the bossy ‘just do THIS’ with more than a side dish of ‘you fucking fool’ heavily inferred!

@Purplehighlighters I don't know why you only get offended by my suggestions when 100 other people have suggested the same things but you're massively exaggerating and you're not willing to help yourself.

Judging by the amount you're posting I'm guessing you're not actually teaching today anyway, or if you are teaching and managing to post this much I'm not surprised they're being strict with you.

Your responses are quite harsh and abrupt and would suggest that, actually, you're probably not handling this as well as you think you are and some time away from work (and Mumsnet) probably would help.

Perhaps because you’ve been repeatedly posting it for nearly 12 hours now, and because you were the one who wrote about people going to funerals for entertainment.

It isn’t about being offended, it’s about not having to get into a ridiculous charade of explaining why I’m not going to lie, cheat and be fundamentally dishonest. Even if the government are.

I haven't posted at all in the last 12 hours apart from two posts ago...

Don't go to the funeral then. People have only been trying to help you get there.

Why did you not ask for someone to cover for you and come up to the headteacher with a solution rather then him having to solve everything out for you. I hope that you have found a solution by now.

@hibeat

Why did you not ask for someone to cover for you and come up to the headteacher with a solution rather then him having to solve everything out for you. I hope that you have found a solution by now.

Because that isn't how it works. Cover arrangements are under the control of the cover manager. You aren't allowed to sort your own swaps. There will be a specific procedure to follow (and form to fill in) requesting cover that will either be allowed or denied.

Schools - large secondaries at least - are not flexible places.

It’s not how it works and anyway, I had two people offer to cover. He said no. I really don’t understand what’s so difficult for people to get. It’s so unpleasant constantly saying over and over.

Girlmom, you have posted numerous times since I started the thread which was about 3 o clock yesterday. I know you think there is a solution and I don’t know why. That petulant ‘don’t go to the funeral then’ is not only the remit of ten year olds, it also completely misses the point of the thread. Not once have I asked ‘please, people who haven’t stepped foot in a school since they collected their A levels, tell me how I can attend my friends funeral.’ My AIBU is how I feel about it.

@Purplehighlighters

I think a few people don’t understand.

If I lied and said I had to isolate and was found out not only could I be sacked for gross misconduct but I could also be removed from the teaching registration body.

Why are you so hung up on this?! Yes if you were caught of course that would be gross misconduct.

I don’t want to kick you whilst you are down and grieving but I bet your head has said no because he or she knows you will just accept it.

I would be getting a doctors note for bereavement related stress and going to that funeral. This would not be gross misconduct and your school could not touch you.

Literally don’t have a clue why you haven’t done this apart from believing your school has the power to sack you at the drop of a hat. No wonder they have denied your request.

I don’t think I’m the one getting hung up over this.

Part of the teacher standards is (rightly) integrity. Lying is not acting with integrity. Of course the headteacher isn’t either but two wrongs don’t make a right and I’m not prepared to make my own position difficult. Finding a new job with a dismissal for gross misconduct could prove difficult

literally don’t have a clue why you haven’t done this

Because it would be a lie, and a lie that would mean some 18 year olds wouldn’t have a teacher for two weeks.

I’m hiding the thread now, I’m not being made out to be a fool when I’m just not prepared to lie and to act dishonestly and unfairly to my colleagues and my students.

@Purplehighlighters

I don’t think I’m the one getting hung up over this.

Part of the teacher standards is (rightly) integrity. Lying is not acting with integrity. Of course the headteacher isn’t either but two wrongs don’t make a right and I’m not prepared to make my own position difficult. Finding a new job with a dismissal for gross misconduct could prove difficult

Getting a doctors note for bereavement related stress wouldn’t be gross misconduct though. You couldn’t lose your job, and they couldn’t touch you.

A doctors note would allow you to attend your friends funeral. You don’t want to take this option- fine. But you don’t owe your shitty head anything and this misguided sense of ‘integrity’ will stop you attending your friends funeral.

@Purplehighlighters

literally don’t have a clue why you haven’t done this

Because it would be a lie, and a lie that would mean some 18 year olds wouldn’t have a teacher for two weeks.

I’m hiding the thread now, I’m not being made out to be a fool when I’m just not prepared to lie and to act dishonestly and unfairly to my colleagues and my students.

Good luck to you. Remember teaching is a job at the end of the day. Your school would replace you in a week if it was your funeral.

Sorry, I did not know. But why would you not file the form and ask anyway ? You should have filed the form immediately. Even now. And then if you are distressed you should go to the GP. Please take action, the world is not doomed, if you have a problem try to solve it to your best ability. Get help if you need to. I attended a funeral 2 days ago, all the best to you. I am not writing to upset you.

I think it’s probably wise you hide the thread.

Self certifying as unwell to work on Mh grounds for a funeral is not gross misconduct nor is it lying. Your posts on this thread make it very clear that you aren’t well enough to be teaching through this funeral.

Be kinder to yourself. Jumping to the worst case scenario is not going to help you and please stop dismissing my advice as stupid- I do work as a teacher and have done for 15 years I know what you are up against but I also know that you can go to this funeral.

Your school would replace you in a week if it was your funeral.

Yeah, the bastards. They really should keep her job open in case she wants to come back after her funeral. It must take at least TWO weeks to get over being buried.

Because it would be a lie, and a lie that would mean some 18 year olds wouldn’t have a teacher for two weeks.

You could self certify for a day or two not two weeks. There aren’t even two weeks left of term.

You are teacher- therefore we know you are not a fool. You are clearly very stressed and upset though- please take a break.

I'd be going for a 'pcr test' that day or the day before to cover back and then go to the funeral.

Sorry you are in this situation and the head won't move. Not read all the comments but could you swap your ppa with another teacher if anyone has theirs at your time.

Some head are a*s, I'm a TA who covers classes and was given a days leave to go to my cousins wedding as my Aunty has terminal cancer. Teachers are human and have lives outside of school, many head forget this.

OP, what would happen if you went anyway?

Dear Head, Your decision to decline my reasonable leave request leaves me with no option. Therefore I will be leaving site at xx:xx and will return at xx:xx. Cover work will be left __.

It's not a sackable offence. You may have to explain yourself to governors - including how cover was available and offered. It's not you that will come off badly.

Go through your GP as has been suggested. You sound very upset, understandably, and your Head is obviously of the 'computer says no' mentality which is easier than applying his brain / humanity.