Should i stay out of it or mention to her mum?

[ImJustMum]

Doing the school run this morning and a nan of a little boy in my sons class was taking him to school along with his younger sister who is in reception. Little girl was upset about something and crying whilst holding nans hand and walking along. Nan turned to her (not realising i was behind her) and said 'shut up X, youre always crying for attention, just like your mum'. Now there was no need for the last comment nore to speak to her like that and id be fuming if i found out my own mum had spoken to my child like that. Little girl was clearly very upset afterwards still and looked very down trodden. I wasnt sure wether to ping their mum a message asking if X was okay as nan seemed a bit frustrated with her this morning. I mentioned it to my friend who said nan favours the boy and isnt particularly nice to the little girl. I know id want to know but i dont want to be shit stirring either!

It's a hard one but if I were the Mum of the little girl I would certainly want to know and would appreciate you bringing it to my attention.

She may not thank you and may feel like you're interfering or slightly embarrassed but with what happened to Arthur I think it's much better that we all speak out if we see something like that.

Nan could have been having a bad morning and just snapped as we all can at times but better safe than sorry!

@Staryflight445

‘ ChangeChingyChange

Usually I would say stay out of it. But since reading about poor Arthur I now have to attitude of report/say everything. Never let a child go unnoticed. So I'd say something. I would tell the mum what she said, even if it backfires and she sides with her mum I'd still tell her.’

Surely the story of Arthur should remind others to not be reporting petty little incidents like in the OP, social services are overstretched and things would be taken more seriously if people stop doing this.

Goodness me.

She isnt reporting to social services she is telling the mother

Personally I'd want to know

I’d say something to the Mum. Just something along the lines of child being upset and nan was ‘quite’ frustrated. Then if she asks you to elaborate then you can.

Just be aware there could potentially be a backlash though. Granny likely to deny ever saying that, or downplaying it etc and then the mum getting frustrated with you for telling tales.

I once reported a childminder for physically abusing a child (smack around head for a two year old)…the Mum was more concerned for not having childcare than the well-being of her baby

Do not message the mum. It is shit stirring and I am sure she is more than aware of her mother’s “failings”

If someone sent me this message, it would be the end of any relationship I had with them.

@VainAbigail

Stay out it IMO. None of your business. If she’d hit her around the head or the like, then different story.

FFS.

Because abuse is only damaging if it's expressed in violence?

Usually I would say stay out of it. But since reading about poor Arthur I now have to attitude of report/say everything.

Oh for goodness sakes. Did people really not know children were being abused before this latest high profile case? How long is “poor Arthur” going to be a reason for everything?

But if you really are now going to interfere at every given moment that could possibly maybe perhaps be an indication of a problem, that is a serious over-reaction and all you are doing is causing trouble for a whole lot of people.

@BoredZelda

Do not message the mum. It is shit stirring and I am sure she is more than aware of her mother’s “failings”

If someone sent me this message, it would be the end of any relationship I had with them.

So you'd shoot the messenger, & prioritise your own wish to brush the embarrassment under the carpet over protecting your child from this abusive shit?

It's quite possible the other mum isn't aware, or is desensitised.
Abuse thrives in secrecy.

So you'd shoot the messenger, & prioritise your own wish to brush the embarrassment under the carpet over protecting your child from this abusive shit?

Nothing to do with embarrassment. I’d be dealing with it in my own way and wouldn’t need some busybody to take it upon themselves to speak to me after seeing one tiny snapshot of something.

It's quite possible the other mum isn't aware, or is desensitised.
It’s also quite possible she doesn’t need to be infantilised and assumed to be clueless.

@Staryflight445

‘ ChangeChingyChange

Usually I would say stay out of it. But since reading about poor Arthur I now have to attitude of report/say everything. Never let a child go unnoticed. So I'd say something. I would tell the mum what she said, even if it backfires and she sides with her mum I'd still tell her.’

Surely the story of Arthur should remind others to not be reporting petty little incidents like in the OP, social services are overstretched and things would be taken more seriously if people stop doing this.

Goodness me.

Have you properly read the posts? PP are saying to tell the child's mum. Not reports to social services

I’m torn between leaving it alone and telling the school. It’s either nothing or it’s a safeguarding concern, in which case the school might be best placed to deal with it anonymously. It’s stories like this, coupled with a narcissistic mother that make me anxious to leave DS with my mum, I’d want to know.

I’d be dealing with it in my own way

You wouldn't, because you wouldn't know about it @BoredZelda
Unless you are thinking of a different scenario than OP posted, as in hers, the little girl's mother was not present.

I'd want to know. I don't care what kind of shit my mum had going on, she wouldn't be speaking to my child like that.

I’d be dealing with it in my own way and wouldn’t need some busybody to take it upon themselves to speak to me after seeing one tiny snapshot of something.

Tiny snapshots are important because they may build a picture if enough people notice. Why on earth would that be irrelevant. What are the chances that anyone in a position to sound the alarm will see much more than a tiny snapshot?