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AIBU?

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Original poster

Should i stay out of it or mention to her mum?

165 replies

ImJustMum · 09/12/2021 10:56

Doing the school run this morning and a nan of a little boy in my sons class was taking him to school along with his younger sister who is in reception. Little girl was upset about something and crying whilst holding nans hand and walking along. Nan turned to her (not realising i was behind her) and said 'shut up X, youre always crying for attention, just like your mum'. Now there was no need for the last comment nore to speak to her like that and id be fuming if i found out my own mum had spoken to my child like that. Little girl was clearly very upset afterwards still and looked very down trodden. I wasnt sure wether to ping their mum a message asking if X was okay as nan seemed a bit frustrated with her this morning. I mentioned it to my friend who said nan favours the boy and isnt particularly nice to the little girl. I know id want to know but i dont want to be shit stirring either!

OP posts:
billy1966 · 09/12/2021 13:17

You can indeed tag on a remark like "if she speaks like that to her in public, what is she like in private. You little one was just SO upset".

Horrible way to speak to a child.
Says so much about the grandmother.

Elsiebear90 · 09/12/2021 13:19

I would tell the mum, my MIL was verbally and physically abusive to my fiancée when she was a child and on occasion lashed out at her pets, she assured me she had changed and wasn’t the same person any more, after a few years of knowing her and never witnessing anything off I believed her. That was until we realised she’d been hitting our dog (dog stayed with her for a week while we went away and started flinching every time we raised a hand).

Her daughter might also believe she’s changed and have no idea she’s treating her child this way.

Atla · 09/12/2021 13:20

On balance , I think I would say something. I would want to know of it was my child. You could just say something like, "this has been bothering me all day I wasn't sure if I should say something, but x,y,z...."

nitsandwormsdodger · 09/12/2021 13:22

This child’s mother is crying and children are being emotionally abused and you think it’s ok to say nothing !?
HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING!!!!
Report report report
Don’t wait to be certain
Don’t concern yourself with the ramifications
Don’t do casual passive texting/ comments - REPORT!

Iwonder08 · 09/12/2021 13:22

You should tell mum. Just tell her exactly what happened and add that as a mum you would like to be aware of such thing. Don't add any comments of what you thought or why it happened

BatshitBanshee · 09/12/2021 13:24

Say something. That's disgusting behaviour and I don't care what the fuck kind of morning you're having, you don't tell an upset child to shut up, you don't tell them they're just crying for attention or that they're "just like your mum" in a negative way. Fuck all of that. If that what she says to the child in front of people, I dread to think what she says in private.

Nogoodusername · 09/12/2021 13:25

I would want to know if it was my child, and I also think if this is what she is happy to say in public it is probably much worse behind closed doors.
I think everyone needs to get a lot more comfortable with safeguarding children being all our responsibility - if it was just a bad day, all good, easily resolved, but we need to stop letting things slide as ‘none of my business’

Goldenbear · 09/12/2021 13:26

Not that it matters but how old is the girl she was being horrible to?

nitsandwormsdodger · 09/12/2021 13:28
  • fakereview.

I swear all the time on MN but do not swear or use abusive language towards children

BlondeDogLady · 09/12/2021 13:30

Are children not to be told off any more? Blimey. You have no idea of the circumstances. My niece for example, is always crying for attention and it's a nightmare because her parents pander to it, every single time.

PinkAndPurpleClouds · 09/12/2021 13:30

Absolutely speak up.

It's not uncommon for some women of a certain generation to favour boys over girls, from generally ignoring them and putting the boys first, to actually bullying/goading, and smacking the girls.

This sounds like one of those cases. Defo make sure you speak up @ImJustMum

shouldistop · 09/12/2021 13:31

I don't think saying "shut up" is very nice but not everyone uses nuanced speech when they are frustrated, just look at all the swearing on MN.

Swearing on an adult forum is entirely different and personal attacks (which this was against the girl) are deleted here.

ColourBeautiful · 09/12/2021 13:32

I would message…. Havent we learnt anything recently? Speak up for children if you can, if it’s nothing it will be fine, if it’s something it will give a much needed piece of the puzzle

Earwigworries · 09/12/2021 13:33

OP - my mum was like this when I was a child and I never once left my own children alone with her . I’d bet money that little girls mum has no idea this is going on .

PinkAndPurpleClouds · 09/12/2021 13:34

@BlondeDogLady

Are children not to be told off any more? Blimey. You have no idea of the circumstances. My niece for example, is always crying for attention and it's a nightmare because her parents pander to it, every single time.
@BlondeDogLady

Are children not to be told off any more?

Not in front of everyone FFS! Hmm

Speaks volumes about you that you think this acceptable. Poor girl probably constantly gets her brother favoured over her. Probably why she 'plays up.'

And has anyone actually stopped to find out WHY your niece is crying for attention? Maybe if she GOT some she wouldn't need to 'cry for it.'

ABCeasyasdohrayme · 09/12/2021 13:35

@nitsandwormsdodger

This child’s mother is crying and children are being emotionally abused and you think it’s ok to say nothing !? HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING!!!! Report report report Don’t wait to be certain Don’t concern yourself with the ramifications Don’t do casual passive texting/ comments - REPORT!
Report to who?

Do you really think reporting every time you see someone snapping at a kid will help kids who actually need it?

All this mentality will achieve is making an already overstretched department even more overstretched. Ffs.

Telling the mum in this instance is the right thing to do, not REPORT REPORT REPIRT AND DONT WORRY ABOUT THE RAMIFICATIONS Hmm

MrsLarry · 09/12/2021 13:37

Keep out of it. Nothing good will come of you interfering.

WhatsWithAllTheCarrots · 09/12/2021 13:38

I would want to know. Therefore, I would tell the mum exactly what was said.

ShirleyPhallus · 09/12/2021 13:41

I’d say somethjng

GrandmasCat · 09/12/2021 13:43

I’m in two minds about this, one one hand, if you say something to someone who is being nasty with the kid, they are likely to take it on the kid as soon as you are out of view and can make things worse for the kid.

There is no guarantee that the mum is better than the grandma, the mum must have grown up hearing such nasty comments herself and may be repeating them to his DD. And again, if you tell her, there us a 50/50 chance the kid will be paying for it.

But on the other hand, for a kid who experience these comments regularly, your intervention may be the only indication they could get that what is done to them is not ok and also, that some one out there cared.

Next time that something like that happens, walking close by to inhibit further nasty comments may be a way to protect the child.

BlondeDogLady · 09/12/2021 13:47

And has anyone actually stopped to find out WHY your niece is crying for attention? Maybe if she GOT some she wouldn't need to 'cry for it.'

I can assure you, she is showered with attention. She has learned how to manipulate her Mum to get anything and everything she wants. She has the very best of everything. If she is naughty there are no consequences. If she throws a tantrum, she gets showered with hugs and kisses and her Mum goes on to Amazon to instantly buy her whatever toy she wants. She is still allowed to co-sleep if she demands it, and she's 9 years old. The Dad gets thrown out of his own bed if she decides she wants a sleepover with Mum. Children can be very clever you know.

Hoppinggreen · 09/12/2021 13:49

Stay out of it
If you witness actual abuse on the school run report to the school safeguarding officer

TopTabby · 09/12/2021 13:51

It would be a good idea to tell the mum about this but I'd be prepared for her not to listen.
Sounds like a stressed out nan struggling with taking care of the grandkids. The mum probably knows what her mum is like but ignoring some of it because it's very likely to be convenient, free childcare.

Dontgetyerknicksinatwist · 09/12/2021 13:52

I would want to know if I was the mum. It could be worse behind closed doors. She’s bullying a little girl of only 4/5 years of age. That will stay with her. Please speak up OP

AllTheWeetabix · 09/12/2021 13:55

Tell her mum!!! No way would I not say anything, that poor little girl

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