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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH got drunk and smashed things

399 replies

VioletG · 09/12/2021 08:06

DH went out for dinner and drinks with a friend last night. He ended up drinking too much and was pretty drunk when he came home.
This I didn't really mind because it's not a regular occurrence and I just helped him to bed/ got water etc. it wasn't too late.

However, about 10pm he woke up and started shouting, he was ranting drunkenly about something and trying to go outside. I had to lock the front door.
There was a glass in the sink which he tried to wash up - I told him to leave it and I'd do it, he should go back to bed. He launched the glass as hard as possible at the kitchen surface and it went everywhere. A piece narrowly missed my eye. He was so angry, seemingly for no reason.

He then pulled a picture off the wall in the spare bedroom and used it to smash up the TV. I was begging him to stop; there was glass everywhere again. The dog was so scared. So was I.

Eventually I managed to get him to go to bed. But what do I do now?
I'm in shock. This isn't like him at all, he's not a violent person.
Please help, I can't think straight.

OP posts:
MobyDicksTinyCanoe · 09/12/2021 11:14

My dp had an outburst like this years ago.... Im convinced id been spiked as it was so out of character. He isnt even a massive drinker. We've been together 27 years and there'd never been anything like it before and hasn't been one since.

Geriatric1234 · 09/12/2021 11:15

That is terrifying OP. I think you've actually been given some excellent advice on here, the key point being that this event WAS INCREDIBLY SERIOUS. It could have resulted in very real harm to you, your baby and your dog. Whatever happens next he MUST acknowledge how traumatic this was for you. If he wasn't spiked/deliberately taking chemicals he need to immediately stop drinking completely. Some people just can't drink. He may need to accept this new reality in order to keep your family together, and he should do so willingly if he has any empathy at all for how horrific last night was for you. Just reading it was upsetting. I'm so sorry. Sending love. Flowers

Original poster
VioletG · 09/12/2021 11:16

He called me. He was really apologetic and embarrassed.
Says he can't remember a thing, total blackout.

OP posts:
hotmeatymilk · 09/12/2021 11:17

If he wasn't spiked/deliberately taking chemicals he need to immediately stop drinking completely. Some people just can't drink. He may need to accept this new reality in order to keep your family together, and he should do so willingly if he has any empathy at all for how horrific last night was for you
Yes – not “one to two beers”… which somehow becomes “three to four” occasionally, then regularly, which becomes a bender occasionally, then regularly. Not “only low-alcohol beers” and the alcohol level creeps up… Cold turkey.

AThousandEyes · 09/12/2021 11:18

@VioletG

He called me. He was really apologetic and embarrassed. Says he can't remember a thing, total blackout.
That's a start, now what's he going to do to ensure this NEVER happens again?
Frazzledmummy123 · 09/12/2021 11:19

Sounds like he has taken drugs, however if he isn't used to drinking and been taking whiskey shots it could just be drink.

What also cries out warning bells here is, he hasn't tried to contact you to apologise or even ask what happened to the TV if he can't remember.

He needs to be told that if there is any repeat whatsoever of last night, he is out that door.

newnamefor2021 · 09/12/2021 11:19

@VioletG

He called me. He was really apologetic and embarrassed. Says he can't remember a thing, total blackout.
I hope you explained what he did fully and how frightened you and dog were!

What is he doing about his behaviour?

pointythings · 09/12/2021 11:21

I'd consider it very concerning that he hasn't got in touch at all, OP.

pointythings · 09/12/2021 11:21

Sorry, x-posted. He needs to come up with some serious strategies for preventing this from happening again.

GrumpyLivesInMyHouseNow · 09/12/2021 11:22

I'd never accept him drinking again

Frazzledmummy123 · 09/12/2021 11:22

@VioletG

He called me. He was really apologetic and embarrassed. Says he can't remember a thing, total blackout.
Sorry, just saw your update. Well, if he is telling the truth that he can't remember anything, then you need to make it clear that this NEVER happens again.

He could be talking crap, and claiming he doesn't remember to excuse his behaviour. If it happens again, then he is out that door.

Justmuddlingalong · 09/12/2021 11:23

I think you really need support from your DM. Don't look on last night as some kind of dirty secret. Don't feel embarrassed or ashamed, you've done nothing wrong. I think you should have support outwith your marriage. 💐

StarCourt · 09/12/2021 11:26

Some very frank talking needed

Cas112 · 09/12/2021 11:28

Was he still asleep and having maybe alcohol induced night terrors? My ex used to suffer with night terrors and smash and throw furniture in our bedroom as and try to climb out the window albeit he wasnt drunk, he was hardly a drinker. He would never remember in the morning either

Fizzbangwallop · 09/12/2021 11:28

@VioletG Has he promised to never drink ANY alcohol again? If he blames being drunk for his behaviour this is the first thing that needs to happen.

Please don’t dismiss how serious this incident has been. He could easily have killed or seriously injured you last night. You need to tell someone what happened because he is dangerous.

Tigerwhocameforsupper · 09/12/2021 11:28

Always take photos of damage done. At some point you may be up against this idiot in court fighting for custody of your children.

SpanielsAreMyLife · 09/12/2021 11:29

This must have really shaken you.

Talk to someone in real life about it as well as on here. The shame is his to bear, not yours, and it's better to be open about it.

Flowers
LadyEloise1 · 09/12/2021 11:32

Could he have taken drugs ?
I think it's a possibility.
Perhaps his drink was spiked ?
Have you seen any signs of violence/ anger before?

YukoandHiro · 09/12/2021 11:32

There's a reason that midwives ask the question about DV at the booking appointment. It often starts when pregnant; they feel you are weakened and they can get away with it.
You can't bring a child into that environment. It's so hard when this is the first and only time after seven years but you have to protect you and the baby. It will happen again if you stay.

IncompleteSenten · 09/12/2021 11:33

If he can't remember a thing what was he embarrassed and apologetic about?

MsAgnesDiPesto · 09/12/2021 11:34

That’s a real cop out answer. If he can’t remember what happened, how does he know to be embarrassed? How does he know that you weren’t the one responsible for the mess?

Be very careful about how quickly you decide how you want to handle this. It will set the tone for your relationship from here on.

WineAway · 09/12/2021 11:34

Hmmm, I’d be careful of the claim of absolutely no memory. I’d be very wary, telling someone in real life & having a long discussion.

Samanabanana · 09/12/2021 11:35

How convenient that he can't remember anything. Hope you're ok OP. I think you need to have a very serious and frank chat with him about this "episode".

nellly · 09/12/2021 11:36

Please don't go back 😔 this is how it started with my ex and although it took him years to hit and subsequently rape me he used the threat of violence for years before.

Never his fault of course always blamed booze or drugs or me making him so angry he 'blacked out'

girlmom21 · 09/12/2021 11:36

Why did he call if he can't remember anything?

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