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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

447 replies

RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:03

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

OP posts:
Plopcorn · 08/12/2021 19:42

RepentMotherfucker

Plopcorn
And set the table the day before.

Him! He can set the table. If his dick doesn't get in the way.

Obviously I meant that they both, or either of them, can set the table. At our place dh does the cooking and I set the table.

shouldistop · 08/12/2021 19:42

Can your DH not do the cooking and you can hang out with the kids. Maybe you do the prep the day before to help out.

Bluntness100 · 08/12/2021 19:43

@RichmondMumof2

Thank you all super mums out there.

I did laugh as the responses came in so came clean to DH. He is delighted that in general you agree I am mental.

X

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

Supermum or super dad as you make crimbo dinner for seven and don’t need an empty house to do it 🤣🤣🤣
ufucoffee · 08/12/2021 19:44

YABU. Just get on with what you need to do, get them to play with their toys. It's what most people do. I've never heard of anyone wanting their family to leave the house so they can cook what is essentially just a big Sunday lunch

NeedsCharging · 08/12/2021 19:44

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

Oh ffs you have another adult in the house. You are carrying the load because you choose to.
YABU to want your DC to be taken out of the house for 2 1/2 hours on Christmas day.

As I am sure many posters have already said stop being a martyr prep better and change your attitude.

SpanielsAreMyLife · 08/12/2021 19:46

Blimey, I usually have 16 of us including grandkids who are glued to my side in the kitchen.

It's a day about family. Not prepping the perfect lunch.

Enjoy your DC, don't push them out the door.

yellowgreysocks · 08/12/2021 19:46

@RichmondMumof2

Thank you all super mums out there.

I did laugh as the responses came in so came clean to DH. He is delighted that in general you agree I am mental.

X

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

Don't be such a dramatic martyr, there are two adults in the house, share the load.
Emerald5hamrock · 08/12/2021 19:46

Let them watch a movie, it won't do them any harm to hear DM is busy.

Mangofandangoo · 08/12/2021 19:48

Doesn't seem very fair on your DH, sorry 😐

2WeeksTillChristmas · 08/12/2021 19:51

Can you not prepare potatoes and veg the night before? Meat can be cooked the night before too…

Going out for 2.5 hours is a long time

Benjispruce5 · 08/12/2021 19:52

Yabu. Nobody wants to be put that long killing time, expect when the weather may not be good. It’s reasonable to ask him to keep them busy though. Can’t you explain to them that Daddy will be plays with them while you cook or get him to cook and you play.

Darkpheonix · 08/12/2021 19:54

It appears you carry the load because yiu choose to.

Me and dp take it in turns. This year, I am doing the meat. Driving over to dad's with dp and the kids. Dad is doing the veg.

We will set the table at dads at some point in the days leading up to it.

Last year, I did the mean again (it's the easiest bit) and dp did the veg.

You are taking the load through choice. You are choosing for dinner to be just down to you, by saying you must be undisturbed for 2.5 hours.

Benjispruce5 · 08/12/2021 19:54

I have cooked many a Christmas lunch for 12+ with my young children around but they understood when it was explained. When they weee younger than 3 they had a nap. You don’t need to be constantly in the kitchen either. I would chop veg and par boil potatoes on 24th.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 08/12/2021 19:55

Good luck all of us as we carry the load

Jesus, you do realise it's entirely optional don't you ? You literally can buy everything in and IME the ridiculously complex menu is entirely driven by women making life more complicated than they need to.

Why on earth are people getting to thr point they need to wish each other luck ? You write a few cards, stick up a few decorations, buy some presents and wrap them up and then make a roast dinner with a few extra bits.

It's not going to war.

Plopcorn · 08/12/2021 19:55

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

If that is what you want, that is what you want. And your dh is ’delighted’. He sounds like a lazy arse, he doesn’t help out with the cooking and you’ve asked him for years to at least keep the kids out of the kitchen, but he hasn’t managed that either and you need to ask on a forum if yabu or not.. Good luck!

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 19:55

I can't see why you can't take it in turns on the kitchen, setting the table? Why can't he Perl and chop, set the table while you entertain children. Then you cook or whatever?

speakout · 08/12/2021 19:56

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

Do we????
A load of our own choosing if we wish it.
Most young kids will be happy with a bit of chicken a few pigs in blankets and a piece of chocolate cake for iceland.
Many adults will be too if we give them enough sherry before their meal.
My job on christmas day to look regal, sip wine , light a few candles for the table and have some fun.
OH likes to cook but even then does as much prep as possible so he can join with festivities,
If you are peeling potatoes on chrsitmas day you are doing it wrong.

SparklyGlasses · 08/12/2021 19:58

I'd get him to take them out for the crucial 45 mins or so (weather dependent). Pre prep a lot (with his help) and maybe get him to do certain jobs (roast potatoes and parsnips for eg) even if he's not confident to cook the whole lot. YANBU in general though - he really should be able to keep them away from you even if it involves bribery/chocolate/more presents etc. After all - he gets to opt out of the cooking!! Maybe he needs to work out a special game (involving leaving mummy alone!) to play together or something.

IWasFunBeforeMum · 08/12/2021 19:58

He could take them for a walk for an hour but in the cold for 2 1/2 hours is bit much.

SoftSheen · 08/12/2021 19:58

Do all the prep the day before (DH should help), including preparing veg stuffing, cranberry sauce etc, so that on the day all you need to do is cook it, accompanied by a nice glass of wine.

Whilst you are cooking, DH could take the children to the park for an hour and encourage them to play with their new toys. However it isn't reasonable to expect him to take them out for 2 1/2 hours, in December, on a day when everything is closed.

lololololollll · 08/12/2021 19:59

Too long. Ask him to take them for an hour

ldontWanna · 08/12/2021 20:00

@RichmondMumof2

Thank you all super mums out there.

I did laugh as the responses came in so came clean to DH. He is delighted that in general you agree I am mental.

X

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

Shut all the doors you can between you and DCs/DH. Christmas movie on or whatever grabs them plus any "safe"(Grin) toys from their pile. In an emergency they can run around in the garden for a bit.

Basically, they can stay in but you don't want to see or hear from any of them.

DaphneDeloresMoorhead · 08/12/2021 20:00

@speakout

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

Do we????
A load of our own choosing if we wish it.
Most young kids will be happy with a bit of chicken a few pigs in blankets and a piece of chocolate cake for iceland.
Many adults will be too if we give them enough sherry before their meal.
My job on christmas day to look regal, sip wine , light a few candles for the table and have some fun.
OH likes to cook but even then does as much prep as possible so he can join with festivities,
If you are peeling potatoes on chrsitmas day you are doing it wrong.

Most adults would also prefer to see the people they came to spend the day with than "orange parfaits in sugar cages"
Plopcorn · 08/12/2021 20:01

Got the feeling that in 10 years time you will ask if yabu setting the kitchen on fire and just walk away, as you are sick of being treated as a maid by your dh and teenagers in your own house.. Xmas Smile Just kidding, but seriously try to lower your expectations and share the burden with your dh for your own good. Better sooner than later.

WonderfulYou · 08/12/2021 20:02

Good luck all of us as we carry the load.

Do you normally have your brother, SIL and neighbour around? You sound stressed out.

Why not ask your brother to come over earlier and help out with the cooking?

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