To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

[RichmondMumof2]

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

I would say an hour or so. Depends how cold it is. My dad used to take use for a walk every year so mum could sort a lot of lunch out. She did always prep the night before veggies/starters etc tho. X

Depends on what toys they get too- bikes or scooters, then certainly an hour in the park on christmas day would be a good idea.
Otherwise pretty mean to drag them away from new toys.

I don't see any problem with that, lots of kids get taken out on their new bike or whatever.
I have to cook for 7. What really helps me is I try to do all the prep the day before.i lay all the table out on Xmas eve. I peel all the veg, potatos etc and leave them in pans of water on the stove. I get all the dishes, pots, pans out ready with everything that I will need laid out. So on Xmas day all I will need to do is switch everything on.
I make everything from scratch apart from the yourkshire puddings which I buy ready made.
My inlaws cook their turkey the day before aswell so that is all done ready too. Hope that helps

Why are you prioritising making the perfect meal over having fun with your husband and kids? Banishing the poor kids from the house and their presents for 2.5 hours is really mean. Do all your prep the night before and enlist your DH’s help on the day.

This is one of the more ridiculous Christmas ideas I have seen.

A friend introduced our family to his family's tradition of having the Christmas meal, turkey and all the trimmings, on Christmas Eve in the evening. A simple to cook but extravagant lunch was prepared on Christmas Day with cold turkey, ham and cheese etc in the evening.

It worked really well. It turned Chistmas into a 2 day feast and left much more family/presents time for the big day. It might work even better for those of you who do all the prepping on Christmas Eve. You'd get a bit of a party after all that prepping.

Sorry i know that doesn't help you OP, but congrats from me for cooking a great meal. I'll never forget my Mum's Christmas dinners - magnificent.

What @Heronwatcher said is spot on. If the roles were reversed everyone would be shouting about what a self indulgent pretentious knob your DH was for wanting to lock himself away for 2.5 hours on Christmas Day to indulge in his love of cooking rather than spend time with his family. Just buy from COOK like you did before or prep earlier, what do you think your kids would prefer there Christmas to be? A lavish meal or time with an unstressed mum!

It's Christmas, they'll want to play with their new toys, show you what they have and generally be excited. Relax and enjoy the day with them. Do as much prep the day before, we used to cook the turkey on Christmas eve carve and reheat the next day. Prep the veg so they just have to be cooked.
Your visitors are probably coming to enjoy the fun of a family Christmas with you and the children, they won't care if the meals not on time, they'll remember the happy crazy family atmosphere.

We usually have family staying over for a few days as we live far apart. One year my DH said
'I will look after the Christmas dinner you take care of all the other meals'

At which point I told him he was taking the piss and if he thought we would divide labour like that he was deluded.

I call this gesture of cooking ONE MEAL - 'Glory cooking' - it pisses me off.

Christmas dinner is just a glorified roast, really it's not that hard - just prep and timing, a lot of which can be done the day before.

If you need to occupy your DC (although they should be playing with their toys) - give them a carrot each and tell them to peel it - that should keep them busy for an hour

It's a roast dinner, why do people get so uptight about it? It's one of the simplest meals to prepare, there may be issues of scale, though 7 isn't an great number, but that's all. As has been said, prepare vegetables a day or so before, par boil potatoes, blanch carrots, parsnips, sprouts etc, do the bird, joint, put potatoes in to roast, other vegetables into serving dishes with a bit of butter , cover and place in the same oven as the potatoes.

@Stiffcondomhat

Why do the kids have a preference for mummy? Is it because Daddy is bone idle? Yabu to say he should take them out for 2.5 hours, but a walk round the block and him keeping them out of the kitchen while you're prepping and cooking sounds fair. Also yes to doing as much as you can in advance as a pp said.

My kids have a preference for mummy, DH is a very active and involved parent. He's much better at physical and imaginary play than me (and enjoys it more). He indulges their desire to have someone sit with them until they go to sleep, he never denies requests for an extra bedtime story or 5 more minutes in the bath. And yet both kids would rather have me.

Yes, it's 'just a roast dinner' - but no other roast dinner in the year is built up and anticipated as much as this one is. I was watching one of Jamie Oliver's Christmas food programmes, and he called it the most important meal of the year - and I think that, even if you don't want to buy into the hype, messages like that can ramp up the stress even if you don't want them to.

I also think that the general stress of Christmas - all the other things that need to be done, worrying about presents, worrying about the cost of it all, worrying about disappointing people - all of that builds up, and spills over onto the Christmas dinner.

And I know that we don't have to put ourselves under all the stress, and we can keep things lower key - and hence lower stress - but that isn't easy, amidst all the hype.

I know that, over the years, I have let myself get more stressed about cooking Christmas dinner than any other meal - and I'm not a bad cook, so it's well within my capabilities. But I have developed a plan, and learned what I can do beforehand, to make things easier on the day, and that does help.

The most important thing I do is lists. Long, exhaustive ones, of everything that needs doing in the run up to Christmas, lists of who's getting presents and what they're getting, a last minute list for Christmas Eve, and a list, with timings, for Christmas day.

I also cook ahead and freeze stuff - the braised red cabbage and the stuffing are made and in the freezer, and I've peeled and frozen the chestnuts, so I'll have less to do on Christmas Eve.

He should entertain them! My husband and I both love to cook so we taking it in turns and when one is in kitchen the other is with the family. He needs to pick up the slack and play with the kids. If mine asked I'd say go find your daddy. Or he needs to cook.

One of my friends has a similar issue and now they have the big meal on Xmas eve and then leftovers Xmas day because she was sick of running round doing everything.

Could:
Do some prep night before
Get DH to cook so you can play with kids
Ask kids to play with their father/alone

It's a bit much to ask them to go out for 2.5hrs.
Where would they go? Everything is closed so they'd have to stay outside.

This is hilarious. Go out and walk the streets in the freezing cold for 2 and a half hours on Christmas day with 2 small kids so I can make a roast. Jesus Wept.

I think you should prioritise. You are having 7 people for Christmas lunch which of course takes a lot of preparation and time, but if you cut the number of people, it wouldn't take so long. Your husband should indeed keep the kids entertained but first you ask him to leave for a few hours then have guests for lunch. Maybe he thinks Christmas should be just for your family. Maybe do lunch on boxing day for the others, and the advantage is, the turkey will be already cooked! You're obviously a big-hearted person but occasionally it's okay to be a little selfish, especially where loved ones are concerned. I hope you find a solution and wish you a very happy and hassle-free Christmas!

Surely he is as busy as you - as sous chef at least?
Both do some cooking and both some supervising/playing? Christmas is no fun if it's no fun

You can do most of it the day before and your turkey, if you're having one, will be in the oven for hours. It's only the last hour after you've put the potatoes and other roasted veg in that you need be in the kitchen. Get DH and DCs laying the table while you sort out the gravy whilst the turkey is resting. Everything else can be prepped the day before. Spending time together on the day is too important to miss. It won't happen for ever and when you don't have family around and look back, I guarantee you won't wish you'd spent more time in the kitchen.

Oh my word yes YABU. This is the scene in homes everywhere, it’s Christmas Day.
2 1/2 hours outside when nothing open? Nuts.
I think it’s your planning and execution of tasks which may need a tweak.
Cooking a meal for 7 isn’t that epic a task. If it’s too much for you then I’d bow out next year.

You’re absolutely nuts! They want to stay home and play with new toys, dad can just play at home with them. Also it’s just a roast dinner and you’re only doing for 7! I cook for 16 people most years and last big one (pre covid) I had 3 kids under 5. You need to calm down

Prep all the veg the night before. Lay the table the night before. Microwave the puddings - steaming is only for Downton Abbey re-enactments. Have fun with your kids.

Don't expect them to "yomp" about in the freezing cold for 2.5 hours so you can ponce about in the kitchen. It's just a roast.

I was reading a piece on what chefs do to make Xmas lunch easy the other day. In it, Gordon Ramsay I think was the one who said he actually cooked the entire turkey the night before and just left it to relax in the oven till the next day, which left him with only the veg that he'd pre-done and frozen to heat up. He said the gravy and trimmings hid the fact that the turkey was room temp.

However I do think there are issues with your DH not being able to magnetise the kids away from you, which are adding to the irritation you have felt. I recommend for your Xmas family film, "The Wife", and that will tell you whether or not the issues are deep seated... LOLLLLLLL......

Great film though. I totally identified with Glenn Close's frustration as the kids burst into her work room and Jonathan Pryce tried but failed to keep them out of it, as a professional mum who WFH and whose DH (who worked in an office) was not able to distract them from me when it was my turn to work, on his off shifts. It's extraordinarily painful and hurts you at a visceral level as a mum because very young children do not understand the need to compartmentalise, and perceive the less desired parent's inability to draw them away and entertain them, as rejection by the more desired parent.

My own suggestion, to stop this essentially gender issue replicating itself, would be for your DH to stay in with them but get them to take up roles as waiters and elf helpers to set the table, make little place signs, or whatever it is, so that they see that prepping a big family feast can be a collective operation.

@Plumbuddle

I was reading a piece on what chefs do to make Xmas lunch easy the other day. In it, Gordon Ramsay I think was the one who said he actually cooked the entire turkey the night before and just left it to relax in the oven till the next day, which left him with only the veg that he'd pre-done and frozen to heat up. He said the gravy and trimmings hid the fact that the turkey was room temp.

However I do think there are issues with your DH not being able to magnetise the kids away from you, which are adding to the irritation you have felt. I recommend for your Xmas family film, "The Wife", and that will tell you whether or not the issues are deep seated... LOLLLLLLL......

Great film though. I totally identified with Glenn Close's frustration as the kids burst into her work room and Jonathan Pryce tried but failed to keep them out of it, as a professional mum who WFH and whose DH (who worked in an office) was not able to distract them from me when it was my turn to work, on his off shifts. It's extraordinarily painful and hurts you at a visceral level as a mum because very young children do not understand the need to compartmentalise, and perceive the less desired parent's inability to draw them away and entertain them, as rejection by the more desired parent.

My own suggestion, to stop this essentially gender issue replicating itself, would be for your DH to stay in with them but get them to take up roles as waiters and elf helpers to set the table, make little place signs, or whatever it is, so that they see that prepping a big family feast can be a collective operation.

Oops not Glenn and Jonathan but the youthful versions of them...

YANBU, but apart from visiting family without you what do you really propose they do in the freezing cold for more than an hour? It’s all
In the prep, do things you can the day before

Do the veg etc prep on xmas eve, listening to xmas music & drinking fizz. So much less stressful. Your kids won't be this age ever again. Trust me, when they're spending it with their in-laws when they're older, you'll regret wanting to get rid of them for a couple of hours when they were little. Let them stay home & play. And ask your guests to bring dessert. Take the pressure off the cooking & enjoy your kids.