Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

447 replies

RichmondMumof2 · 08/12/2021 18:03

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

OP posts:
nosyupnorth · 08/12/2021 23:12

YABU they can go to a part for a bit.

I can't believe the wusses in this thread making like children can't go outside - put a coat and gloves on them and keep them moving and they'll be fine.

lisaandalan · 08/12/2021 23:35

I'd ask him to prepare all the veg then take the children to the park for a bit while I got everything else ready. X

thenewduchessofhastings · 08/12/2021 23:45

Him taking them out for 2.5 hours on Christmas Day is unrealistic and unreasonable.

Him stepping up,keeping them entertained and out of the kitchen on Christmas Day is realistic and reasonable.

He can play with them,do crafts with them or watch Xmas films.

Speakuptomakeyourselfheard · 08/12/2021 23:55

Don't know if anyone else has suggested this, but when my daughter was little we started having Christmas dinner in the evening by candlelight, after she'd gone to bed. That way I could spend most of the day playing with her, and her new toys, we had a buffet lunch (how many kids eat a full Christmas dinner) which meant none of the afternoon being spoiled by that bloated feeling of having eaten too much. Then early bed for daughter as she was always over tired on Christmas day after all the excitement, leaving the grown ups to have a leisurely dinner, with drinks etc, and no further kiddy responsibilities. Worked a treat!

Beebababadabo · 09/12/2021 00:13

I don't understand why some people make such a big deal of what just essentially cooking a roast dinner even for a few extra people. Good luck to us all as we carry the load? 😂

NewPapaGuinea · 09/12/2021 06:08

If he’s that unimaginative, no wonder they prefer you.

Heronwatcher · 09/12/2021 06:18

Yeah, I think you might need to dial down the cooking a bit, 2.5 hours seems a bit excessive and sounds absolutely no fun for anyone. I think you and your DH doing some prep the day before but also him doing a bit more to entertain them whilst you cook a simplified meal might be a good compromise. There’s usually no more than half an hour (serving up time) in our house when I need a bit of peace to sort dinner.

Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 06:18

Just trying to imagine this the othe way round

'Dh cooks Christmas Dinner for 7, every year. He insists I have to take the kids out for 2.5 hours during the day. I don't drive so options are limited and, as its Christmas day, lots of things are closed.

Dh says he needs to be undisturbed for this time so he can concentrate on cooking. Half of the problem is that while I keep them occupied, the kids are in the phase where they want him all the time. They start shouting for him and he just gives in and either comes in or let's them in the kitchen. He generally, gives in to whatever they want so they know if they keep at it, he will give in. Which makes looking after them a bit more difficult when he is about.

Friends have suggested going to church, but trying to keep 2 kids quiet in church isn't easy. Dh says I really should do this as it's the 'nice thing' to do for him and partners should do nice things for eachother.

I just really don't want to spend 2.5 hours wandering around, killing time on Christmas. We both could prep beforehand but he is insisting on 'taking the load himself'.

I would bet money the general consensus would be that he was cooking Christmas Dinner as an excuse to opt out of parenting and family life and expecting the op to go out was shitty. And also, that he needed to fix the problem he has created by constantly giving into the kids.

liveforsummer · 09/12/2021 06:30

I think it's fair to ask him to take them out for a bit of fresh air but 2.5 hours is too much. If they are getting any outdoor/active toys certainly get dh to take them down the park for a cycle/skate and play on the swings though

LetsHearIt · 09/12/2021 06:38

He really should keep them entertained while you're cooking. Play with them, put a film on etc. And shut the kitchen door. Unless he wants to swap roles and you spent time with the kids while he finishes cooking. He can't have it both ways. You cook and childmind.

Mintyt · 09/12/2021 06:42

I have everything now, your poor husband and children, cook a basic roast, let the children play and have the tv on, and don't make such a big deal of cooking

EnidFrighten · 09/12/2021 06:43

Get the kids to help you, DD is five and loves laying the table, mixing up stuffing, peeling veg etc. Even if you get them to wash a vegetable you won't actually eat,.it keeps them quiet!

Get DH to entertain them a bit with a craft activity or a treasure hunt or something. We have some of those usborne things to make and do at Christmas books, they're full of ideas for making decorations, bookmarks etc. Even a christmassy sticker book might do.

Seeleyboo · 09/12/2021 06:45

What do you do when you prepare meals throughout the year. Does he have to take them out then. This is very bizarre. It will be freezing and no where to go. How about you DH cook and you take them out for 2.5 hours.

Fuuuuuckit · 09/12/2021 07:31

There are just me and 2 dc at home, but I'm cooking for 12 on Christmas day, so 4 times my usual capacity - op yours isn't even double.

My pigs are already in blankets and the stuffing is made, both frozen. Turkey joint (cba with a bird, wastage) will be ready to chuck in the oven for a couple of hours ish. Veg prepped the day before, and even better, mil brings carrots and sprouts on Xmas eve already to put in a pan. Starters are simple and take 5 minutes to prep - bag of leaves, cucumber, tomatoes, prawns and sauce. Puds are microwaveable, as is custard, plus pre-frozen puds from M&S. Table takes 5 minutes to set, dh and kids can help with that.

You're hugely overthinking a big Sunday lunch. It's ace having the kids milling about but the one thing I would expect is that he's completely in charge while you get yourself ready before lunch.

Surely the buzz is what Christmas lunch is all about?

Welcometothejingles · 09/12/2021 07:33

Easy, he cooks while you play with the kids.

NeverForgetYourDreams · 09/12/2021 07:35

DH has always watched a film with DS whilst I do dinner

LadyNell · 09/12/2021 07:35

It's a glorified Sunday lunch....

LostForIdeas · 09/12/2021 07:37

@Seeleyboo

What do you do when you prepare meals throughout the year. Does he have to take them out then. This is very bizarre. It will be freezing and no where to go. How about you DH cook and you take them out for 2.5 hours.
I don’t know about you but it doesn’t take me as long to cook our everyday meal than Christmas meal, thank god!

Also does it matter what the OP does the rest if the year? Why can’t she want and have ONE day in the year when she is alone to do the cooking, undisturbed so she enjoy it?? It could easily be part of her ‘Christmas presents’ no? Something she enjoys?

Darkpheonix · 09/12/2021 07:42

Also does it matter what the OP does the rest if the year? Why can’t she want and have ONE day in the year when she is alone to do the cooking, undisturbed so she enjoy it?? It could easily be part of her ‘Christmas presents’ no? Something she enjoys?

A present of cooking the lunch?

Its everyone else's Christmas day too. Why can't she do something nice and work on not giving into the kids all the time, so they constantly want her. That might make all their lives easier. Or not try and ban them from their home for 2.5 hours, that would also be nice.

And no, I can't work out why Christmas lunch would take much longer, other than through choice.

I think he should cook. Op take the kids out for 2.5 hours and not return. If she cooks all year, maybe it would be more enjoyable if she didn't have to cook at all

RagzReturnsRebooted · 09/12/2021 07:45

When our DCs were little, we had the Christmas Dinner on Christmas eve so that I could chill out on Christmas day and play with the DCs/watch them play with their presents.
It worked well, because I genuinely love cooking the dinner but it used to take over half the day and I'd be shattered. On Christmas day we'd have bubble and squeak, leftover meat and cheese and biscuits.

converseandjeans · 09/12/2021 07:54

I think 2 and a half hours is a long time. Maybe 40 mins out on scooters?

Why are you hosting every year? Can't someone else take a turn?

Kids like to play with their presents on Christmas morning and I don't know they asking them to go out for so long is fair on them. It sounds like you're prioritising your guests over your family.

EmpressSuiko · 09/12/2021 07:55

YABU, why can’t he just entertain them in a separate room? Watch a movie with them? Crafts? Play with their new toys? I don’t think it’s fair to kick them out of the house in the cold with limited places to go.

MichelleScarn · 09/12/2021 07:59

@Darkpheonix

Just trying to imagine this the othe way round

'Dh cooks Christmas Dinner for 7, every year. He insists I have to take the kids out for 2.5 hours during the day. I don't drive so options are limited and, as its Christmas day, lots of things are closed.

Dh says he needs to be undisturbed for this time so he can concentrate on cooking. Half of the problem is that while I keep them occupied, the kids are in the phase where they want him all the time. They start shouting for him and he just gives in and either comes in or let's them in the kitchen. He generally, gives in to whatever they want so they know if they keep at it, he will give in. Which makes looking after them a bit more difficult when he is about.

Friends have suggested going to church, but trying to keep 2 kids quiet in church isn't easy. Dh says I really should do this as it's the 'nice thing' to do for him and partners should do nice things for eachother.

I just really don't want to spend 2.5 hours wandering around, killing time on Christmas. We both could prep beforehand but he is insisting on 'taking the load himself'.

I would bet money the general consensus would be that he was cooking Christmas Dinner as an excuse to opt out of parenting and family life and expecting the op to go out was shitty. And also, that he needed to fix the problem he has created by constantly giving into the kids.

Absolutely all of this! Does the dh get to be the 'bad guy' too so it's not permissive mummy saying "get out of the kitchen" but mean daddy dragging them away from mummy who to them is happy for them to be in the kitchen with her?
qualitygirl · 09/12/2021 08:00

What is there to do @RichmondMumof2 it is literally a roast dinner?! I prep my most things the evening before! Then on the day I put them in the oven and walk away it's only the last 30-40 mins that you need to be attentive to the kitchen as such!!

Qwertykeys · 09/12/2021 08:00

Hi op , I’m with others , do as much prep as you can the night before. If need be cheat and get ready made instead of home made . Put your kids first on Christmas Im sure your guest will still appreciate the meal and completely understand if things don’t run like clockwork but there are two very happy children who have played with there new toys with mommy