To want husband to take kids out on Christmas Day

[RichmondMumof2]

whilst I prepare Christmas Lunch? Every year as year end approaches I ask DH to take the children out on Christmas Day from 11:00-13:30. My brother, sister in law and an elderly neighbour will all arrive at 13:30 for lunch. Christmas lunch for 7 takes focus.

The kids are 6 and 3 and have a preference to hang out with mummy. I have made this request every year for the past few years. The kids want me to play with them whilst I make a Christmas Lunch. This results in me ultimately denying every request for attention as I'm chopping / basting / stirring/ steaming the puddings or setting the table. It seems to me the obvious way to make most people happy. Kids go for a yomp round the park or to the playground and then come back hungry and ready to eat.

DH always says no as there is nowhere open or suggests they should be with me on Christmas Day. He doesn't drive so has limited options.

One year we tried a Cook Christmas lunch to take the work off but I feel I want to cook a nice meal. There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted.

I have offered that I'll take the kids out and return to a DH prepared Christmas Lunch for 7 on the table. This doesn't fly.

Am I alone on this and AIBU?

I love the "lay your table the day before comment", if I did that the 4 and 2 year old would have it relaid their way within minutes!

If you let them. But then again so what, it might be even nicer! Mine used to do place cards, a very important task. I’ve kept them all actually, year after year.

• Why the hell shouldn’t he?

I mean it’s only for one day in the year. It’s something that wouod be helpful to her. Why not doing something nice and caring for his life long partner of Christmas Day??

Is that too much to ask too??*

There's no way in hell I'd leave the house on Christmas day, especially not for two hours, for whatever reasons, kids or no kids.

I think people are being harsh on the OP. As a kid, we spent every Christmas morning out - we were taken to the hospital where my dad worked, and had to talk to all the really sick patients who had nowhere to go (1970s). My mum got on with the cooking. My dad did almost nothing with us the rest of the year, so it was her time off from us. If you like cooking, it can be quite therapeutic.
OP, I don't think you should be made to feel guilty by MN about wanting to cook a nice Christmas dinner. Children at Christmas are usually best in small doses. But you might have to limit your expectations!

Agree with other pp that 2.5hrs is a bit much but there’s nothing stopping him taking them for a shorter walk.

Then maybe helping them gather all the wrapping paper for the bin, bathing them, picking out a nice outfit.

@CaptainNelson

I think people are being harsh on the OP. As a kid, we spent every Christmas morning out - we were taken to the hospital where my dad worked, and had to talk to all the really sick patients who had nowhere to go (1970s). My mum got on with the cooking. My dad did almost nothing with us the rest of the year, so it was her time off from us. If you like cooking, it can be quite therapeutic. OP, I don't think you should be made to feel guilty by MN about wanting to cook a nice Christmas dinner. Children at Christmas are usually best in small doses. But you might have to limit your expectations!

So your past experience is completely useless here then?

Children at Christmas are usually best in small doses? So a parent has to take them out for 2.5 hours? Bit of a contradiction there you reckon?

@CaptainNelson

I think people are being harsh on the OP. As a kid, we spent every Christmas morning out - we were taken to the hospital where my dad worked, and had to talk to all the really sick patients who had nowhere to go (1970s). My mum got on with the cooking. My dad did almost nothing with us the rest of the year, so it was her time off from us. If you like cooking, it can be quite therapeutic. OP, I don't think you should be made to feel guilty by MN about wanting to cook a nice Christmas dinner. Children at Christmas are usually best in small doses. But you might have to limit your expectations!

Not sure if the relevance?

Sounds like you're making a mountain out of a molehill. Christmas lunch doesn't need to be the chore you're making it out to be. It's ridiculous to expect your husband to take the children out of the house on Christmas day of a days. Just plan better. Prep most stuff the day before and chill the hell out.

@CaptainNelson

I think people are being harsh on the OP. As a kid, we spent every Christmas morning out - we were taken to the hospital where my dad worked, and had to talk to all the really sick patients who had nowhere to go (1970s). My mum got on with the cooking. My dad did almost nothing with us the rest of the year, so it was her time off from us. If you like cooking, it can be quite therapeutic. OP, I don't think you should be made to feel guilty by MN about wanting to cook a nice Christmas dinner. Children at Christmas are usually best in small doses. But you might have to limit your expectations!

This is so not the situation here.

There is a lot to it and I actually enjoy cooking when not constantly interrupted. that’s really sad that your two young children want to play with you in Christmas Day and you want them out of the way for 2.5 hours.

@CaptainNelson

I think people are being harsh on the OP. As a kid, we spent every Christmas morning out - we were taken to the hospital where my dad worked, and had to talk to all the really sick patients who had nowhere to go (1970s). My mum got on with the cooking. My dad did almost nothing with us the rest of the year, so it was her time off from us. If you like cooking, it can be quite therapeutic. OP, I don't think you should be made to feel guilty by MN about wanting to cook a nice Christmas dinner. Children at Christmas are usually best in small doses. But you might have to limit your expectations!

Ok, I’m not sure that’s relevant and no one is making her feel guilty for wanting to cook a nice Christmas dinner, I’ve never met anyone who cooked Xmas dinner and would rather it was shite. We all want it to be nice, the point being made is most of us do it with our kids around, guests, and often a house full, we don’t need an empty house to perform, and certainly would not ask our husbands and kids to be out in the cold for 2.5 hours.

I normally cook for 10, and play with the kids
I dont stand there stressing for 2.5 hours and most certainly wouldnt want them out the way.

If your stressed, aak your brother to host or get your husband to cook

Yep yabu! You Can’t cook a dinner without your kids being around! Ask your brother and his wife to come earlier and help out

Can't he cook and you look after the kids

My kids (now adults) always for up about 4/5 so all presets unwrapped by 6/7 and if I was hosting, I had a 'no kitchen' rule that no one disturbed me from 11 onwards. Spent lots of time with the kids but also needed time alone to prepare food and cook. Then back to kids again

Prep as much as possible on Christmas Eve and simplify your menu. Get your guests to help, have a glass of bubbly whilst doing so and relax. It's a day for everyone and nobody should feel under this sort of pressure for 2 1/2 hours, whether it's cooking or having to stay out of the way with the kids. Try and make it easier on yourself and your family.

Change it to Christmas Eve. Then they can go out for several hours to indoor play, shopping, lunch and cinema. My OH (bless him) is no cook, but did this for a good few years while I had a busy, stress free day of cooking the goose and getting lots of other prep done. It certainly worked well for us and meant I had maximum time on the big day to share the excitement.
Good luck

You are joking?
Who goes out on Christmas day if they don't have to?
Children want to play with their new toys, dad can help with that.
But most of all you are catering for 7 not 17? It's a really easy meal to cook, Sunday dinner with Turkey.
YABU

My H used to insist on cooking an elaborate Xmas dinner, and I always had to keep the children out of his way. Although he never went so far as to ask us to leave the house. I would get really resentful having to entertain them by myself while he absented himself, faffing about in the kitchen, which no one had asked him to do. Tbh I think it was a ploy to get away from over excited children and endless dull games and do something he enjoyed.

Dinner for 5 and 2 small children is hardly difficult. Prep in advance, chop/prep veg, parboil potatoes ready for the oven, shop bought xmas pudding with cream or luxury fresh custard (shop bought).

Get your sister to lay the table!

2.5 hrs to lose him and the kids is a bit excessive.

Surely, you can make your life easier and spend time with the kids too on Xmas day - unless you like playing the martyr or enjoy the accolades.

@Bluntness100

You occupied them while he cooked dinner? The ops dh neither occupies them or cooks and doesn’t want to take them out either. Who knows what he does while waiting for his family to come and eat the meal his wife has cooked? Your situation doesn’t compare

Lol. Breathe, then read the thread, 🤪 she said he’s very hands on and does occupy them but they want mummy so she gives in.

That’s not occupying them though. My dh is very hands on and if he’s keeping the dc occupied so I can cook or sleep in (relevant currently as heavily pregnant) then he makes sure they don’t disturb me. That’s just basic surely?

Expecting him to largely keep them entertained for a couple of hours in the house - fine. Expecting him to take them out on Christmas Day for 2.5 hours- completely unreasonable.

I would be unimpressed if dh suggested I walk the streets with two small children on Christmas day so he could create a performance in the kitchen for 2.5 hours. I don’t really understand why you are doing all the cooking, especially as you are not a confident cook. Can’t dh do some? Can’t other guests bring anything? You don’t need to set the table the night before, it’s 7 people, it will take 3 minutes and 6 of the 7 diners will be more than capable of doing it. Don’t have a steamed pudding if it’s too hard to steam it.

I think YABU, that's too long. He should simply be teaching them to give you space, I'm sure they will have new toys to play with.

That’s not occupying them though. My dh is very hands on and if he’s keeping the dc occupied so I can cook or sleep in (relevant currently as heavily pregnant) then he makes sure they don’t disturb me. That’s just basic surely

It’s Xmas. They are little. They will be excited, they will not understand why they aren’t allowed to go near mummy or the kitchen for so long. Quite frankly we are all grown adults and most of us have turned out a crimbo dinner for more folks and we don’t understand it either.

The op says she’s a decent cook, so its unusual. I’m an ok cook. but ev n I can turn out a decent crimbo dinner, with twelve adults roaming round my house and talking to me in the kitchen, still socialise with them and not have to ask them to go sit in the garden for the best part of three hours,😀

@Bluntness100 possibly the op would be happy with the dc occasionally running in and out if she knew they could largely be kept busy elsewhere but has zero faith in her dh to achieve that. I’m a good cook but tbh really struggle with the dc around, they get into things and if I’m making multiple things to recipes and trying to keep track of a lot, I find 60% of my brain is on keeping their fingers out of everything anf away from the chopping and the hot oven, and I just can’t focus on eggs off in 2 mins, I have 7 mins to whip the whites and glaze the ham then I need to chop the beans, shit the almonds are burnt. Mine are a lot more incorrigible than my friends kids seem to be to be fair.