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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think it's bad friend has taken 10 month old to the football tonight?

169 replies

wineislife21 · 07/12/2021 21:53

With no ear defenders, surrounded by a crowd of people, in this December weather?
She always says he still wakes her up at night.. but has no bedtime routine and then does stuff like this!?

In my book that is very wrong, won't be gone till gone 10pm!!

OP posts:

SpinsForGin · 08/12/2021 10:16

I agree. Mumsnet advise on babies is always bonkers. If I told my mum I was taking her grand daughter to a football match tonight, she'd probably call social services.
I'd be utterly ashamed if a relative of mine did this. What a waste of their time and resources.

No one I know would do this.

Doesn't make it wrong!!

People I know have their kids in bed in the evenings.
A one off of every now and then really isn't an issue.

Not sure why people on mumsnet are so intent on pretending that's strange or parochial in some way. Or indeed western ffs! I agree it's not abusive. But I would be alert to other signs in case it's part of a larger picture. This doesn't scream great parenting to me I'm afraid.

What a ridiculous over exaggeration! Such a bizarre reaction to someone taking a child to a football match.

Where we live, we have a number of events that go on until 10-11pm and the vast majority of children in the village stay up for these. They're often noisy and busy (party in the park and a huge brass band contest). Should we all expect a call from social services next time? Are we all shit parents??
Ridiculous

BlackInk · 08/12/2021 10:27

At 10 months old my babies were marauding, clambering, wriggling little monsters at any time of the day. There's no way they would have stayed in a sling or buggy during a football match, even if it was past their bedtime. Good luck to your friend. Her baby might be a bit over tired and grumpy but that won't do any lasting harm. She's a braver woman than I though!

ReggaetonLente · 08/12/2021 11:06

No football matches here but I've taken mine to the basketball in the US and baseball and sumo wrestling in Japan from about 4 months albeit with ear defenders. Lots of other babies and toddlers there, every time.

gogohm · 08/12/2021 11:44

@Changechangychange

There were always lots of babies and toddlers at sports in the USA too when mine were young - sports are a family affair. Love ice hockey used to watch it in Seattle indoors but it doesn't get as cold there

blackcurrantjam · 08/12/2021 13:01

Comparing taking a baby to a football match to a child murdered by a disturbed woman is false equivalence, no? Extraordinary.

5128gap · 08/12/2021 13:12

@ShirleyPhallus

Yeh I think that’s bad. She should have taken him to strip club and show him how to be a proper man.

OhGiveUp · 08/12/2021 13:17

Mine always went to football matches from birth. They were well wrapped up and suffered no harm whatsoever.
Comparing it with abused and murdered children is breathtakingly ridiculous.

Cloudyzebra · 08/12/2021 13:22

I took mine to football matches regularly from a few days old. He slept through the night from about two months old, so it clearly did his sleep no harm. He never got upset at the football, so was clearly not cold or uncomfortable. The only time he stopped going to evening matches was when he was primary school age, and needed to be in bed at a sensible time to get up for school in the morning. I am really struggling to see what harm it could do. He is now a teenager, and usually chooses to come to matches with us so he clearly isn't too scarred by the experience.

ShiftingSands21 · 08/12/2021 13:35

Idk about the ear defenders part but how can you be worried about a bedtime routine??

PugInTheHouse · 08/12/2021 13:51

This thread just goes to show how different people are, I went to a match 4 days before having DS1 and we went together to the next match when he was 3 weeks. No dramas at all. Sat in the family section so not too rowdy. It's not bad parenting to do something even though it might be boring to your kids FFS. No wonder so many kids think the universe revolves around them these days!

It all really depends on your kids, DS1 was really into it from about 2, DS2 just fell asleep on my lap till he was about 5. There is bad language in the songs but we taught our DCs not to swear and they never ever swear in front of us or other adults. They both still go to the football and are 15 and 13.

The comparisons to Arthur are just outrageous. In any case it has been reported that people did speak up prior to his death so not sure of the relevance.

It may have been too cold, I get that, but no one would comment if the baby has been out for a couple of hours at a Christmas Market or firework display.

Chocolatewheatos · 08/12/2021 14:17

I think sticking to a set bedtime routine is making a rod for your own back tbh. DS would love it if he was wrapped up and being cuddled. He's quite flexible in when and where he sleeps. He'd be asleep before we went in and would probably wake after a couple of hours, enjoy the atmosphere and go back to sleep when it finished. No harm done. Not like he has to be up for school is it.

AryaStarkWolf · 08/12/2021 14:19

YABU, her child, her life, none of your business

Chocolatewheatos · 08/12/2021 14:26

Can you imagine working for social services, seeing children routinely abused and neglected and having someone ring and waste your time to tell you that someone is taking their child to a football match?
Wasting their already stretched resources is really showing you empathise with the poor children being neglected, abused and murdered by their caregivers. Maybe if so many people didn't use social services as a threat or punishment to others they wouldn't miss vital signs and more children would be saved.

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 17:27

@Chocolatewheatos

Can you imagine working for social services, seeing children routinely abused and neglected and having someone ring and waste your time to tell you that someone is taking their child to a football match? Wasting their already stretched resources is really showing you empathise with the poor children being neglected, abused and murdered by their caregivers. Maybe if so many people didn't use social services as a threat or punishment to others they wouldn't miss vital signs and more children would be saved.

Totally agree and as for a PP who thinks this is a SS issue, because she works in child protection, so is "overly cautious", that is a total waste of resource!

thepeopleversuswork · 08/12/2021 17:54

I probably wouldn’t choose to do this but more because it would ruin it for me.

As a one off and if the baby is wrapped up I can’t see the problem and I think you’re being unnecessarily judgmental.

BurntO · 08/12/2021 17:58

I honestly can’t imagine starting a thread over something trivial about someone I call a friend. How long have you been friends??

Kite22 · 08/12/2021 20:47

@Magicalwoodlands

We live in the west

It’s like saying to Australian parents that British parents don’t slather their children in sun lotion every time they step outside.

It’s not great parenting because ten month olds are generally mobile: crawling and cruising.

It’s not great parenting because it’s cold, windy and wet: there are severe weather warnings in several areas of the country.

It’s not great parenting because it’s dull for the baby.

It’s not great parenting because it’s loud and noisy.

A ten week old bundles up under blankets and you might get away with it. Ten months - no.

Not taking very young children and babies to night time events like football matches and concerts isn’t some sort of anal adhering to rules of an oppressive British society. It’s just common sense.

I do agree with everything on here.

However, whether any of us agree or don't agree, I don't get the wrath about the OP doing a bit of pondering on MN. Isn't that what it is here for ?
You notice someone doing something you think is pretty poor for one reason or another or several and you begin to wonder if maybe it is you that is a bit out of kilter, or not, so you ask what others think.
It doesn't mean the OP is going to say anything to the other parent
It doesn't mean she needs to get a life or get out more- she was just pondering and thought she would garner opinion of others.

LynetteScavo · 08/12/2021 20:53

It's not the way I parented my babies. But then my babies would have been miserable about it, and I would have very much regretted it. Presumably this isn't the first time she's taken the baby to a football match and she knows he'll be mellow.

prynaithda21 · 08/12/2021 21:13

If the friend was a glory seeking supporter such as 99% of those who follow Manchester United, then at any age unreasonable.

I think that ear defenders should have been worn by the child, even though football crowds are nowhere near the noise of concerts.

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