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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To think it's bad friend has taken 10 month old to the football tonight?

169 replies

wineislife21 · 07/12/2021 21:53

With no ear defenders, surrounded by a crowd of people, in this December weather?
She always says he still wakes her up at night.. but has no bedtime routine and then does stuff like this!?

In my book that is very wrong, won't be gone till gone 10pm!!

OP posts:
RedHelenB · 08/12/2021 07:05

@wineislife21

I will agree it's not my business, but I'm pretty sure I'm allowed to ask the lovely ladies on mumsnet what they think? (I'll filter out the AIBU lurkers who love a snappy one liner LOL)

I think it's important for young children to wear ear defenders at sporting events, and also that it wouldn't effect their bedtime routine, for the own child's sake?

I have never seen a child ir baby wear ear defenders at a sporting event. Its not a heavy metal concert.Yabu, babies get taken to the football all the time.
OnceuponaRainbow18 · 08/12/2021 07:06

@Oblomov21

Not comparing it but saying the mind your own business can facilitate such abuse.

Jasmine11 · 08/12/2021 07:06

@Bagamoyo1

Jesus the people saying it’s none of your business should be ashamed. It’s bad parenting. And bad parenting is everyone’s business. Have we learnt nothing from recent events? I know it’s not in the same league, but I truly believe if we didn’t have such a “none of my business” attitude, fewer children would suffer.
This has got to be one of the most unhinged replies I’ve ever read on mumsnet- are you seriously trying to draw a parallel between this situation and the abuse and murder of Arthur?!
Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:10

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Oblomov21

Not comparing it but saying the mind your own business can facilitate such abuse.[/quote]
So why is it bad parenting?

The child may be tired - same as when you go out during the day - they'll sleep

The child may be cold - not if sufficiently wrapped up

The child may be subject to loud crowd - the same as if they went during the daytime

Are you seriously saying that going to a football match and getting home at 10 is bad parenting?

Just because it's 10pm?

Where is the bad parenting?

OnceuponaRainbow18 · 08/12/2021 07:12

@Offmyfence

Well I think I’m a bit over cautious as work in safeguarding kids…. But lots of little things can create a bigger picture so it’s good to be aware- like the lovely baby P, if everyone had shared their minor concern baby P would still be alive.

shouldistop · 08/12/2021 07:13

Why do you care?

icedcoffees · 08/12/2021 07:13

@Bagamoyo1

Jesus the people saying it’s none of your business should be ashamed. It’s bad parenting. And bad parenting is everyone’s business. Have we learnt nothing from recent events? I know it’s not in the same league, but I truly believe if we didn’t have such a “none of my business” attitude, fewer children would suffer.
But why is it bad parenting? Because you say so?
Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:13

@OnceuponaRainbow18

Everyone minding their own business is how kids like Arthur get murdered by their parents without any intervention
Unhinged connect!

The reason children like Arthur get murdered is perhaps because SS are overrun with investigating ridiculous reports about children being taken to sporting events.

Think about that.

I hope this mother doesn't find this thread, can you imagine the upset it will cause her?

Mind you she'll know her friend is in no way a friend at least.

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:15

*comment

Ijustreallywantacat · 08/12/2021 07:17

I dont get the ear defenders thing. She wasn't at a Metallica gig. Noise levels are certainly not going to be damaging, just a bit louder than usual.

I think its great your friend is still finding time to do things she enjoys. All the better to take baby along for the ride. I reckon make the most of it whilst they are relatively portable!

ChrissyPlummer · 08/12/2021 07:17

I can’t get worked up about ear defenders. They weren’t even a thing when I was little. I just don’t see the point of taking a baby to a match, it’s not for their enjoyment. A lot of the grounds I’ve been to don’t have changing facilities either (at least, I’ve never seen any). Just seems pointless and a PITA.

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:18

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Offmyfence

Well I think I’m a bit over cautious as work in safeguarding kids…. But lots of little things can create a bigger picture so it’s good to be aware- like the lovely baby P, if everyone had shared their minor concern baby P would still be alive.[/quote]
I think you're more than over cautious and very judgemental.

It's a real concern you work in safe guarding, but like the SW that did she Arthur (I believe they're under review?). You get it wrong a lot, as is evident in more than one case. Maybe your over cautiousness could be described as unable to assess suitably and move on to the next case, which may of course be an Arthur?

Jasmine11 · 08/12/2021 07:24

[quote OnceuponaRainbow18]@Offmyfence

Well I think I’m a bit over cautious as work in safeguarding kids…. But lots of little things can create a bigger picture so it’s good to be aware- like the lovely baby P, if everyone had shared their minor concern baby P would still be alive.[/quote]
Sorry but it sounds like your over cautiousness is unsuitable for your job, are you wasting time following up cases such as the OP’s friend rather than going after real cases of abuse? If taking a child to a football match or similar event is your definition of bad parenting then you are calling a lot of people who have posted on this thread bad parents. Hard to take you seriously..

Offmyfence · 08/12/2021 07:26

@Jasmine11 you said that way better than I did, thank you.

👏 👏 👏

Worrying about parents taking a 10 month old to a sporting event, whilst Arthur is murdered.

ThinWomansBrain · 08/12/2021 07:28

just to confirm, thier baby went to football, they didn't take your baby with them?

Magicalwoodlands · 08/12/2021 07:52

Mumsnet has a bit of a strange view towards babies in general, I find. It’s true that tiny babies are portable and can fit in with what you’re doing within reason, but ten month olds don’t.

I don’t think that babies need to be tucked in at 7 on the dot and mine certainly isn’t. But being contained in s pushchair somewhere cold and loud at night isn’t great parenting and it’s stupid to pretend it doesn’t matter because it’s only a baby.

icedcoffees · 08/12/2021 08:06

But why isn't it great parenting @Magicalwoodlands?

It's a very western view to think babies and young children must be tucked up warm at home and never ever taken outside in the cold and dark.

What do you think happens in countries where it doesn't get above freezing for months on end? Or places like Alaska where it's dark for months?

Magicalwoodlands · 08/12/2021 08:11

We live in the west Hmm

It’s like saying to Australian parents that British parents don’t slather their children in sun lotion every time they step outside.

It’s not great parenting because ten month olds are generally mobile: crawling and cruising.

It’s not great parenting because it’s cold, windy and wet: there are severe weather warnings in several areas of the country.

It’s not great parenting because it’s dull for the baby.

It’s not great parenting because it’s loud and noisy.

A ten week old bundles up under blankets and you might get away with it. Ten months - no.

Not taking very young children and babies to night time events like football matches and concerts isn’t some sort of anal adhering to rules of an oppressive British society. It’s just common sense.

icedcoffees · 08/12/2021 08:18

We live in the west. It’s like saying to Australian parents that British parents don’t slather their children in sun lotion every time they step outside.

Well, not really. Taking your baby out in the dark won't cause their skin to burn, nor will it give them cancer. Suncream should be used for safety. Taking your baby to a football match isn't dangerous.

It’s not great parenting because ten month olds are generally mobile: crawling and cruising.

Okay, so you use a buggy or a pushchair.

It’s not great parenting because it’s cold, windy and wet: there are severe weather warnings in several areas of the country.

So you dress for the weather and use a rain cover for the buggy.

It’s not great parenting because it’s dull for the baby.

Why does that make it poor parenting? Not everything has to be done to entertain the child.

It’s not great parenting because it’s loud and noisy.

Again, why is that bad parenting? Children won't damage their hearing permanently because they went to a few football matches outside as babies. It's not a heavy metal concert!

A ten week old bundles up under blankets and you might get away with it. Ten months - no.

Surely that depends on the child?

Not taking very young children and babies to night time events like football matches and concerts isn’t some sort of anal adhering to rules of an oppressive British society. It’s just common sense.

I mean, but that's your opinion. I don't think it's particularly a sign of common sense to never take young children anywhere outside in the cold or after dark, but we're all different.

People take babies to fireworks displays, bonfire nights, fairs, Christmas markets - they're all noisy and cold and can be held in the dark yet I bet those parents don't face all this judgment.

Magicalwoodlands · 08/12/2021 08:23

There is a word of difference between never taking young children anywhere in the cold and dark and a football match. A Christmas market is nothing like a football match.

gogohm · 08/12/2021 08:36

Yabu, took mine to live sports at that age, didn't do them any harm - at Russell group universities currently. Keep your beak out of it. Babies are really flexible

gogohm · 08/12/2021 08:39

Oh and had a front facing carrier, they loved basketball in particular young (USA)

gersteddybears · 08/12/2021 08:42

Absolutely ridiculous. As someone who's been to thousands of football games, it is not an environment for a baby or even a young child. Even more so that it's a night time game when baby shld be in bed.

I had to give my season ticket up, infact both myself and my husband did when we had a child. Because we didn't have a babysitter every second week and weeknights too wks have been impossible. Didn't want to go on our own either. Can't wait until the kids can come along but that's at least a few years away and eldest is 4 now.

SpinsForGin · 08/12/2021 08:44

Seriously??
There is absolutely nothing wrong with what your friend has done.
You're being very judgemental.

SpinsForGin · 08/12/2021 08:47

@gersteddybears

Absolutely ridiculous. As someone who's been to thousands of football games, it is not an environment for a baby or even a young child. Even more so that it's a night time game when baby shld be in bed.

I had to give my season ticket up, infact both myself and my husband did when we had a child. Because we didn't have a babysitter every second week and weeknights too wks have been impossible. Didn't want to go on our own either. Can't wait until the kids can come along but that's at least a few years away and eldest is 4 now.

Whereas we've had the opposite experience. DH has been taking DS since he was a baby (they get in free until they're 5) and still takes him if there is a spare ticket going. They both love it!

It's a great experience and a late night every now and then does no harm.