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should I go Christmas dinner or not
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blueberrybabe · 07/12/2021 20:03

For the past three years I’ve gone to my in-laws for Christmas and I’m always the one cooking . My partner helps but I would say I do about 60%-70% of the cooking. On top of that usually the day before I would go out and buy all the food and prep everything and then we travel to my in laws on Christmas morning . Every Christmas is a very stressful day for me . I feel like a chef and a house keeper whilst everyone is sitting down saying they are hungry and waiting for their food . This happened last year and dinner was late because I was exhausted, also had a breastfeeding baby so I had to stop a few times during cooking. Anyways I told my partner I’m not going there this year for Christmas . I would stay at home . I cant go to my family because they are strict Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas . My partner thinks I’m exaggerating as it’s only one day so it shouldn’t be an issue. But i don’t see why we need to be the only ones doing anything . The responsibility should be shared. Staying at home with my baby and making a meal for just me and my baby, and spending the day watching movies and relaxing sounds better . What does everyone think ? Should I go regardless or stay at home

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Heronwatcher · 08/12/2021 21:44

YANBU but how an earth did you (a) end up doing this at all, and (b) still end up doing it when you were breastfeeding. It’s absolutely mad and 100% taking the piss on their part. I think you need to think about setting some firm boundaries, I genuinely don’t know how this situation could have arisen in any normal family!

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DappyApple · 08/12/2021 23:25

[quote blueberrybabe]@DappyApple both me and my partner contribute towards the food money however he contributes more . I should I explained that I am the one who has to physically do the food shopping and prep. And honestly all my in-laws provide is one little cake or desert which isn’t even enough and I end up getting extra desert . And that sounds Great what u did ![/quote]
Wow!
So not only do they get waited on hand and foot in their own home, they get the whole of their Christmas dinner fully funded!

I’ve heard and experienced some CF stories in my time but this has to be up there with the worst of them.

Stand your ground, don’t let them take advantage of you any longer.
They can only take the piss if you let them.
If your dp was any kind of decent person, he’d understand and spend it home with you and your child.
But If he insists on going alone…then send him on his merry way!

I wouldn’t let your child go with him as was suggested up thread.
You deserve to have a lovely relaxed Christmas with your child seeing as you didn’t get that last year.
That way, You get to do what you want when you want and the only person you have to please is yourself!

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Newestname002 · 09/12/2021 01:49

@blueberrybabe

Stick to your guns at not being used as a skivvy this Christmas in the way you have previously been, OP. Also, beware of your "D"P or his relatives coming to YOUR house and you paying and doing everything like your done in the past. You've more than done your bit. 🌹

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WithABiffBangPow · 09/12/2021 04:13

I'd go, take pizza, say you fancied something different this year.

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newyearsresolurion · 09/12/2021 04:41

Ha! They will not have Xmas dinner this year! How did they cope before you?! Definitely stay at home and enjoy dont be their slave this year.

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ChubbyMorticia · 09/12/2021 07:00

I will say, @blueberrybabe, be prepared for your partner to push, HARD, when he discovers that you're serious about staying home. Have a plan in place to deal with that.

I think the suggestion to head to your parents is a good one, or even to a hotel, a friend's, somewhere that you have concrete plans, preferably with someone picking you up.

I may be overreacting, but there's such a lack of respect for you as a person by your partner, I'm a bit concerned what his reaction will be when he realizes that no, you're really NOT going to play servant girl/scullery maid/cook for him and his parents. And pay for the privilege to boot.

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Yearonebesties · 09/12/2021 19:44

Oh op this made me so sad

Do they think because you didn’t have Christmas growing up that you don’t really need it now, so you’re not missing out?

Your ‘d’p is anything but. I can’t believe what they’ve been expecting of you.

What have they said when you’ve
Told them
You’re not doing it this year?

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PrincessNutella · 09/12/2021 20:57

One thing I realized in dealing with my family is that just because I did something in the past didn't mean I had to do it in the future. Just because I did something nice once didn't mean I OWED it to other people. In fact, it should actually be the opposite. Other people should be nice to me! Not that I expect that. I just take my actions day by day and I only do what I find acceptable at that time.

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blueberrybabe · 09/12/2021 23:21

@Yearonebesties I'm not sure what they think. I've never told them about my background in much detail so unless my partner told them I didnt celebrate Christmas they wouldn't know. Also I haven't told them i only told my partner I'm not going and told

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blueberrybabe · 09/12/2021 23:22

[quote blueberrybabe]@Yearonebesties I'm not sure what they think. I've never told them about my background in much detail so unless my partner told them I didnt celebrate Christmas they wouldn't know. Also I haven't told them i only told my partner I'm not going and told[/quote]
And told him why. But the most I will do is wish them merry Christmas on the day and thats it

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Bettysnow · 10/12/2021 00:01

No this isn't fair at all. I think you should sit your husband down and explain exactly how you feel. I know your parents don't celebrate Christmas but if they did how would he feel if he was expected toshop, prepare and cook for your family while everyone sat around having a great time?
Surely he can't argue how unfair this situation is?
Maybe if they have to do it all themselves for once the penny will finally drop as to how it was never such a nice day for you!
Time for change. Enjoy a peaceful, relaxing and wonderful day exactly as you want it to beFlowers

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Newestname002 · 10/12/2021 06:48

@blueberrybabe

I'm glad you've told your partner you won't be used by him and his family again this year - well done. Do please stick to it - I'm sure you'll get a lot of pushback from those who've benefited from your generosity and kindness and who've taken advantage of you. Hope you have a better Christmas this year. 🌹

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CrazyCatLover · 10/12/2021 06:55

I hope you and your child can have a lovely peaceful Christmas this year 🥰 you aren’t obliged to spend the day with anyone, why should you miss out on your young child’s Xmas being a slave to everyone?

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Sceptre86 · 10/12/2021 07:46

You've been too nice ,a bit stupid and naiive. Put a stop to that now. Both your partner and your in laws are lazy sods especially of they left you to cook on your own when you had a young baby. Considering it was your child's first xmas of course you would have wanted to spend time with him on the day. Buying food to cook at someone else's house is overly generous if they wouldn't do the same for you.

I would stay at home and have a chilled day out maybe make a roast for yourself but get prepared veggies to make your life easier so you can maximise the time spent with your baby. I wouldn't be surprised I'd your partner end up taking them out for xmas dinner.

I've had similar from inlaws over Eid as they wanted me to cook for the day but in their home. I kibosshed that idea sharpish.

Hope you have a lovely Xmas op whatever you decide to do.

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ForbiddentoForbid · 10/12/2021 07:56

Jesus wasn't born on Christmas Day?

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tallduckandhandsome · 10/12/2021 07:58

@ForbiddentoForbid


Jesus wasn't born on Christmas Day?

The general view is he was born in September.
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NavigatingAdolescence · 10/12/2021 08:01

@ForbiddentoForbid


Jesus wasn't born on Christmas Day?

More than likely September. The Christians liked the look of the Pagan winter solstice celebrations (21st Dec) so stole that (by force), changed the date slightly, and wrote their stories to support that. Most of what you think of as Xmas traditions are from the Pagan celebrations.
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EdgeOfTheSky · 10/12/2021 09:50

@ForbiddentoForbid


Jesus wasn't born on Christmas Day?

On the 25th of December in our calendar? Unlikely. But it is the day chosen by many mainstream Christian denominations to celebrate.
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EdgeOfTheSky · 10/12/2021 09:54

No certainty over the year of Christ’s birth, let alone the date en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_of_birth_of_Jesus

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Yearonebesties · 10/12/2021 11:20

Well done @blueberrybabe have a lovely Fay with your baby

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