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should I go Christmas dinner or not
170

blueberrybabe · 07/12/2021 20:03

For the past three years I’ve gone to my in-laws for Christmas and I’m always the one cooking . My partner helps but I would say I do about 60%-70% of the cooking. On top of that usually the day before I would go out and buy all the food and prep everything and then we travel to my in laws on Christmas morning . Every Christmas is a very stressful day for me . I feel like a chef and a house keeper whilst everyone is sitting down saying they are hungry and waiting for their food . This happened last year and dinner was late because I was exhausted, also had a breastfeeding baby so I had to stop a few times during cooking. Anyways I told my partner I’m not going there this year for Christmas . I would stay at home . I cant go to my family because they are strict Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas . My partner thinks I’m exaggerating as it’s only one day so it shouldn’t be an issue. But i don’t see why we need to be the only ones doing anything . The responsibility should be shared. Staying at home with my baby and making a meal for just me and my baby, and spending the day watching movies and relaxing sounds better . What does everyone think ? Should I go regardless or stay at home

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ChangeChingyChange · 07/12/2021 20:38

JW have nothing to do with Christianity so it's wrong to word it that way if indeed they are JW. Anyway. Your inlaws are CFs and you have a massive DH problem. Stay home. Put your foot down and tell your husband to grow a backbone.

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Crazycrazylady · 07/12/2021 21:01

I totally would stay home and your dh is a pig if he leaves you home alone

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Shoxfordian · 07/12/2021 21:05

Why aren’t your in laws cooking and hosting at their houses? Don’t be a mug

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ProudThrilledHappy · 07/12/2021 21:06

If your partner thinks doing all the cooking is not a big deal then he can do it for them Wink

Stay home and enjoy your day

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blueberrybabe · 07/12/2021 21:08

@Kite22 I look back and ask my self the same questions too. And don’t understand why I agreed to it . But I’m relation to my families faith they don’t celebrate it due to the fact that the bible preaches against it and also due to its history . Christmas was celebrated as a pagan holiday before Christ but has now been converted to a holiday that celebrates Christ. I don’t share the same view but I understand it .

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blueberrybabe · 07/12/2021 21:10

@willstarttomorrow I’m assuming JW means jehovah witness . If that’s the case then no they are not Jehovah witness .

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blueberrybabe · 07/12/2021 21:10

@Shoxfordian yeah I thought the same

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blueberrybabe · 07/12/2021 21:11

@Startrooper definitely growing a backbone. I’ve been too submissive

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blueberrybabe · 07/12/2021 21:12

@Witchinthedales thanks for sharing your perspective as an in law . I think I was looking for approval and trying to be liked . But it’s not worth it

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pictish · 07/12/2021 21:14

Really isn’t. Have a lovely relaxed Christmas.

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ChubbyMorticia · 07/12/2021 21:15

Of course your partner doesn't see the big deal, HE'S not the one doing the work!

And since it's 'only one day' then can't be that important, right? So why's he making such a big deal about you not going?

No way on Earth I'd ever do that again. Nope.

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SarahJeffers341 · 07/12/2021 21:18

Wow no way!! Why are you doing it all at their house?! What a joke!

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Paperplain · 07/12/2021 21:21

If it's no big deal then he can do it!!

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EmeraldShamrock · 07/12/2021 21:22

There is no chance I'd do this for another year.

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TangerineDreams · 07/12/2021 21:23

Oh my! I cannot imagine how anyone could invite someone to their house for dinner and then sit down doing nothing while the guest slaved away in the kitchen cooking it!
I agree with saying no, it's too much work for you and you would like to relax and enjoy yourself now.

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Cryalot2 · 07/12/2021 21:24

I am a Christian and we celebrate Christmas as do the pastors of local churches. Except maybe closed brethern.

Either way no way should you have been cooking and serving food at your in laws.
Their house and if they invite then they cook and serve the food.

The hosts usually supply the food and serve it.

They are using you op. Your dh should want to stay home and enjoy a family time with you him and dc.
Stay home and enjoy.

I don't get to the fuss over the meal. Here dh prepares turkey the night before and someone puts it in the oven at agreed time. We just cook what we like and we all help. We just prep the veg and cook. There are no Christmas cake mince pies or such as only 1 person would eat. We prepare the day before what dishes we like.

All my good dishes are dishwasher safe and at Christmas it gets an extra run.

Do what you enjoy and have a very happy Christmas.

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whatsmyusername · 07/12/2021 21:27

I don't understand why you cook at their house, it makes no sense. If they are too old and incapable then it seems harsh to leave them alone on Christmas day.

Why don't you all go out for lunch?

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Slippy78 · 07/12/2021 21:27

Tell him to go and cook his parents dinner by himself...

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ChangeChingyChange · 07/12/2021 21:28

Never heard of Christmas not being celebrated by Christians or being viewed as a pagan celebration Confused very skewed and I'm assuming a very niche religion not actually Christianity. Maybe this is why you feel forced to celebrate it with in laws though since your family don't celebrate it? You definitely need to put your foot down. Maybe I've missed a bit but are you saying if you and the baby don't go your DH will still go,

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HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/12/2021 21:29

Sounds like going to my in laws a few years ago.

Last time I went, I told them I wasn't buying the food and I wasn't preparing it. I turned up on Christmas Day.. There was no meal! They just assumed I was all mouth. We had beans on toast. I thought they would pull a stunt so I was ready to have Christmas Dinner at home on Boxing Day.

They weren't impressed but they were warned. They had massively taken the piss previously.

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Howshouldibehave · 07/12/2021 21:30

How did a tradition start where you need to travel to their house but you do all the work?! That’s just bizarre.

Of course you are not unreasonable in wanting to never do this again. Why would your husband think this is ok for you though, that’s the question!?

What did they all do before you appeared?

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WonderHen · 07/12/2021 21:30

@HunterHearstHelmsley

Sounds like going to my in laws a few years ago.

Last time I went, I told them I wasn't buying the food and I wasn't preparing it. I turned up on Christmas Day.. There was no meal! They just assumed I was all mouth. We had beans on toast. I thought they would pull a stunt so I was ready to have Christmas Dinner at home on Boxing Day.

They weren't impressed but they were warned. They had massively taken the piss previously.

Wtf?

So they always expected you to cook? Why?
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nancybotwinbloom · 07/12/2021 21:31

No just no.

Stay home. Enjoy your day.

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HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/12/2021 21:31

@HunterHearstHelmsley

Sounds like going to my in laws a few years ago.

Last time I went, I told them I wasn't buying the food and I wasn't preparing it. I turned up on Christmas Day.. There was no meal! They just assumed I was all mouth. We had beans on toast. I thought they would pull a stunt so I was ready to have Christmas Dinner at home on Boxing Day.

They weren't impressed but they were warned. They had massively taken the piss previously.

To top it off I was expected to do the washing up! I have a dishwasher at home.
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HunterHearstHelmsley · 07/12/2021 21:33

@WonderHen because I am WOMAN! The beans on toast year made it worth it 🤣

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