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should I go Christmas dinner or not
170

blueberrybabe · 07/12/2021 20:03

For the past three years I’ve gone to my in-laws for Christmas and I’m always the one cooking . My partner helps but I would say I do about 60%-70% of the cooking. On top of that usually the day before I would go out and buy all the food and prep everything and then we travel to my in laws on Christmas morning . Every Christmas is a very stressful day for me . I feel like a chef and a house keeper whilst everyone is sitting down saying they are hungry and waiting for their food . This happened last year and dinner was late because I was exhausted, also had a breastfeeding baby so I had to stop a few times during cooking. Anyways I told my partner I’m not going there this year for Christmas . I would stay at home . I cant go to my family because they are strict Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas . My partner thinks I’m exaggerating as it’s only one day so it shouldn’t be an issue. But i don’t see why we need to be the only ones doing anything . The responsibility should be shared. Staying at home with my baby and making a meal for just me and my baby, and spending the day watching movies and relaxing sounds better . What does everyone think ? Should I go regardless or stay at home

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Clymene · 07/12/2021 22:32

Is your name Cinderella?

I'm sorry your partner and his family treat you like a free restaurant at their home. On the upside, a) you've now put your foot down and b) you're not married.

I'd seriously reconsider your relationship while your partner is at his parents on Christmas Day. He should be treating you like an absolute queen. You have borne him a child. You deserve so much better

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timeisnotaline · 07/12/2021 22:35

Wow. I wouldn’t go either. I’d be unimpressed with my partner, to put it very very mildly. Will they cook for him if it’s just their precious son, not son + his partner with a vagina so of course she will cook?

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Twillow · 07/12/2021 22:35

[quote blueberrybabe]@Twillow my partner just said we are buying the food and cooking it at his parents and I agreed didn’t think much of it . I didn’t expect it to fall on my shoulders . I also didn’t think it would be a thing that would happen yearly[/quote]
Ah what you need is a partner conversation - it's as much a partner problem as an inlaw problem.

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FictionalCharacter · 07/12/2021 22:41

Yes, stay home and don’t go to theirs ever again for Christmas. How dare they treat you like a servant.

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Ourlady · 07/12/2021 22:47

Blimey, what am I reading. They are all taking advantage of you. Your husband has got a bloody cheek expecting you to do all the donkey work and for the rest of them to have a lovely restful day and pay for the food too.
Tell him he can do as he wants but you are not going to be anyone's lackey ever again.
And have a lovely Christmas with your baby. They grow up so fast, you need to cherish every year and make special memories for you and your child.

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Sparklfairy · 07/12/2021 22:49

I wouldn't go, and I'd be dying to know if your partner did 100%, or whether they shared the load, whether it was a success or they had a shite meal, or whether they gave up and got a takeaway/dropped in on some unsuspecting neighbours...

Id HAVE to find out, by not going.

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JazzyBBG · 07/12/2021 22:50

Please either don't go or alternatively rock up and order yourself a Deliveroo if there isn't anything ;)

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ElephantOfRisk · 07/12/2021 22:50

If you have a young baby, i'm assuming we aren't talking about a couple in their 90s?

Why cant they order in food and prepare a meal. If you are a much better cook then you could supervise everyone joining in and cooking, whilst sitting down chilling with your baby. Or just stay home.

I quite enjoy cooking, but i like that DH and adult DSs help and we break out some sparkly wine while we are all sorting out veg etc. But I'd hate to turn up somewhere and be expected to sort everything.

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WouldIBeATwat · 07/12/2021 22:51

@Kite22

Why are you cooking at their house ? Confused
I am not sure why you were doing the cooking at all, with a tiny breast fed baby, but if you were, surely it is easier at your own house ?

Why don't they cook for you ?

I cant go to my family because they are strict Christians who don’t celebrate Christmas

This is confusing. I mean a Christian is a follower of Christ. The word Christmas is literally 'celebration of Christ'.

Anyway, YANBU AT ALL to refuse to cook for them.
I am generally all for partners taking turns to go to their partner's family, even if it isn't where they would prefer to be... it sort of comes with the territory of you as a couple being part of two families But I would expect anyone who invited me to their house to cook for me unless there are exceptional circumstances you haven't told us about

Strict evangelical Christians don’t celebrate Xmas because the bible doesn’t instruct them to.
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Eddielzzard · 07/12/2021 22:51

Absolutely stay home. What CF's! No. no no no. Stay home and watch tv.

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WouldIBeATwat · 07/12/2021 22:54

@ChangeChingyChange

Never heard of Christmas not being celebrated by Christians or being viewed as a pagan celebration Confused very skewed and I'm assuming a very niche religion not actually Christianity. Maybe this is why you feel forced to celebrate it with in laws though since your family don't celebrate it? You definitely need to put your foot down. Maybe I've missed a bit but are you saying if you and the baby don't go your DH will still go,

It was ABSOLUTELY a pagan festival that Christians stole (brutally!). It was their winter festival. Bringing in greenery (Xmas trees) - pagan, presents - pagan, feasting - pagan………

Easter was pagan before the Christians stole it as well (spring festival).
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CovidMakesThingsHard · 07/12/2021 22:58

Fuck that. Staying at home sounds lovely, but if my DH decided to spend it with his family not me, that would be the start of divorce proceedings. He should choose you and his child over anything.

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toomuchlaundry · 07/12/2021 23:01

I would be staying at home.

Does your partner do anything round your house? Why does he think it is ok that you do everyone at his parents? How many people do you end up cooking for?

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NowEvenBetter · 07/12/2021 23:06

Oh look, yet another useless bloke who’s obsessed with his parents and not too bothered about his girlfriend and kid he created. 🙄 what is the appeal, really?

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NowEvenBetter · 07/12/2021 23:08

‘Should I go to Christmas dinner or not?’

but actually means

‘Should I plan, fund, shop, transport, prepare, cook and serve food to my boyfriends parents and him while everyone else does fuck all, for literally no reason?’

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HyacynthBucket · 07/12/2021 23:08

I don't get why you are expected or expecting to cook at your in law's house, OP. What on earth? You have a young baby - just stay home, you have the perfect excuse. Break this stupid cycle right now, and don't do any more cooking at theirs. If they expect to be cooked for this year, then let their precious son do it, as it is no big deal! Just say, you need to rest up with the baby as you are exhausted this year, and don't go near their house. Have a lovely Christmas Day with ouyr feet up on the sofa, and enjoy your baby. And expect a lot more consideration from DH and his parents in future. Daffodil

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LaurieFairyCake · 07/12/2021 23:09

You definitely can go to your parents - who cares whether they celebrate or not - at least they will actual cook you a normal meal while you play with the baby

More than your 'partner' (twat) and in-laws (Uber twats) Hmm

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BeaMends · 07/12/2021 23:09

[quote blueberrybabe]@Chrysanthemum5 yes . They did spend time with my baby whilst I cooked . But It was still too stressful. And I would have prepared to spend time with my baby than be busy all day[/quote]
They should have been cooking for you while you looked after and breastfed your young baby. I'm quite frankly staggered that they let you shoulder the whole burden.

And your partner is a lazy so-and-so by the way.

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DuckbilledSplatterPuff · 07/12/2021 23:15

@NowEvenBetter

‘Should I go to Christmas dinner or not?’

but actually means

‘Should I plan, fund, shop, transport, prepare, cook and serve food to my boyfriends parents and him while everyone else does fuck all, for literally no reason?’

THIS!
Also why does your DH think he can lend you out as a Christmas Servant to his parents whilst they pass your newborn baby around like a toy as you cook.
Absolutely say no to this. Don't let it become a tradition as PP said enjoy your baby and your DH should want to spend Xmas with you and your DC, but if he doesn't that's up to him but you can equally not join in with this mad tradition.
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DorsVenabili · 07/12/2021 23:22

What would happen if you discussed it with them? would they actually refuse to do anything?
do they know you don't like it? My stepfather always used to do a lot of christmas cooking (he loved cooking)- no matter where we were- but he always had help- and didn't have to buy anything

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BoredZelda · 07/12/2021 23:24

he did help me in the kitchen . But it was mostly my responsibility and his mum does nothing

He "helped" you cook a meal he tricked you in to being involved in preparing, and did it year after year?

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KosherDill · 07/12/2021 23:37

@3luckystars

I wouldn’t even go to EAT the dinner at their house, not to mind cook it.
What did they do before you came along?

It’s your day too, you are meant to enjoy it. Stay home and enjoy your Christmas.

Exactly!

You don't need a reason to stay home. Tell your partner good luck with the cooking & shopping.
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user53782991 · 07/12/2021 23:39

I only read the first two lines and nope why the heck are you doing all this unpaid work?

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Crunched · 07/12/2021 23:40

The closed Brethren I know dislike the pagan influences in the celebration of Christmas, but still mark the day by encouraging discourse, and offering inspirational readings.
Surely you could spend a relaxing time with your parents doing exactly that?

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Bellyups · 07/12/2021 23:50

What the….?
You buy all the food, travel to their house with a tiny baby, and cook it all? and no one helps?

Please, please have a nice Christmas at home with your baby. I am fuming for you OP.

As an aside, what is it with all these threads where IL take the piss and practically bully their DIL recently????

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