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Original poster

To be annoyed that I've batched cooked for postpartum and DP is eating all of the food now?

404 replies

catmum789 · 07/12/2021 18:25

So me and DP are in the process of buying a house and cause of circumstances I cannot stay round his current house every night because he has a son and I need to work and can't work and be a babysitter. The new house will have an office on the third floor. I stay over only 2/3 nights a week. This weekend I have stood for hours and batch cooked lots of freezer meals for when our baby comes (I am 33 weeks pregnant, no judgement we are buying a house and will have a house by the time baby is here, there are problems with our sellers that are holding the sale up) so on the days I'm not at his he has been telling me that he and his son have been eating the food I prepared for when baby is here so most things have gone!!! Im annoyed cause I portioned the meals out for 2 so we can put them in the oven when baby is here and I don't have to stress. But he has been eating them with his son who already has a hot hearty meal at nursery. He's ate the food I spent hours preparing bare in mind I stood for hours with sciatica and an iron deficiency so constant heart palpitations when I was doing it and he was watching the football!!! Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from!

OP posts:
Oldtiredfedup · 07/12/2021 20:22

Oh god - i missed thd fact that OP has no nearby family if support network.

This gets worse.

SoNotRainbowRhythms · 07/12/2021 20:22

FFS do not move in with this selfish twat. Pull out and raise the child on your own. His relationship with son's mother can't have lasted beyond his infancy so that should tell you what sort of father he is.

ittakes2 · 07/12/2021 20:22

Its terrible he has done this.
Although I am also wondering why you are cooking just for him and you - what about this son? He has a hot meal at nursery so you weren't planning on him having a hot meal at night?
I am sorry but there are red flags all over the place for your soon to be blended family!
I hope you can sort things out.

4pmwinetimebebeh · 07/12/2021 20:24

Reading your previous threads OP- the situation sounds terrible. I hope you manage to get out of this relationship which seems very one sided and selfish.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 07/12/2021 20:26

Bit snarky aren't we?

Actually it’s concern.

What's ops age got to do with anything?

OP was 18 when this 40+ man with a very small child began a relationship with her that has resulted in her having an unplanned pregnancy and moving away from all her friends and family, she is autistic and has trouble forming friendships, she is very anxious about her current state of isolation while being a new mother, as well as that, as survivor of an eating disorder she sensibly planned and prepared a way to avoid slipping into poor eating habits for the early days of motherhood and her grown ass partner had gobbled them all up.

SenselessUbiquity · 07/12/2021 20:28

Posters on here are being incredibly obtuse. If you cook something from scratch, let alone while heavily pregnant and with sciatica, you get to decide what meal that food is for. You don't have to be all relaxed and dreamy when someone else eats it for another meal / snack where they could reasonably have had alternatives. It's nothing to do with "denying a child food" to say "that food wasn't meant for that purpose."

If I made and decorated a massive birthday cake that said "HAPPY BIRTHDAY DD2" and then DD1 came in starving from netball and ate a huge chunk of it, I would be furious - not because I only want to feed DD2 and DD1's hunger doesn't matter, but because IT WASN'T FOR THAT. Same - but even more, arguably - for actual nutritious meals.

To declare an interest: my ExP did exactly this to me (without the complication of the child - it was just him, and he just ate it). And it was a window into the future. He did things like this all the time, and behaved as if it was petty and unreasonable for me to be want to manage my time and labour so that I had access to the fruits of it to look after our children.

The posters who are picking on questions like: why not feed the child? Why those hours? Why that freezer? are just using niggles to cover their confusion about the fact that deep down they hold an attitude that they don't want to explicitly say out loud as it's indefensible, which is the same as my exP's, which is: you're a woman, you have no rights, just do the work.

hotmeatymilk · 07/12/2021 20:28

Although I am also wondering why you are cooking just for him and you - what about this son? He has a hot meal at nursery so you weren't planning on him having a hot meal at night?
Have you read any of the OP’s posts? Have you wondered whether the son’s father was planning on feeding him, or is it just the OP’s responsibility?

FWIW, my daughter has a hot tea at nursery and one at home but then after she goes to bed I eat whatever the fuck I want, while dancing the begrudging dance and DH beatboxes begrudging begrudging begrudging in the background. And when baby #2 comes along I imagine we’ll freeze plenty of adult-portion-only meals because feeding her pesto pasta à la one then getting her to bed, then doing the breastfeed and oven meal juggle, will be easier all round. Begrudge that.

Getyourarseofffthequattro · 07/12/2021 20:28

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Bit snarky aren't we?

Actually it’s concern.

What's ops age got to do with anything?

OP was 18 when this 40+ man with a very small child began a relationship with her that has resulted in her having an unplanned pregnancy and moving away from all her friends and family, she is autistic and has trouble forming friendships, she is very anxious about her current state of isolation while being a new mother, as well as that, as survivor of an eating disorder she sensibly planned and prepared a way to avoid slipping into poor eating habits for the early days of motherhood and her grown ass partner had gobbled them all up.

Well forgive me because your childish crossing out didn't seem much like concern at all Hmm
Peachy66 · 07/12/2021 20:30

Just tell him that once the baby is here he can cook an evening meal every night with fresh ingredients or he pays for a takeaway every night until you get into a routine with the little one.
He is once selfish entitled dick.

MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 07/12/2021 20:30

@Getyourarseofffthequattro you are forgiven.

HaveringWavering · 07/12/2021 20:32

@Hotmeatymilk Champion begrudging, I salute you. Grin

Elphame · 07/12/2021 20:34

@catmum789

I am not begrudging a small child for eating the food, I have made food which has spice in and added salt, made for adults!
Children like food with some flavour too - if he likes salami sticks then he obviously doesn't mind a bit of spice and enjoys strong tasting foods.

As for salt - well there is probably more in the convenience foods that he eats than in your home cooked meals. Let him have what you have as if he eats your batch cooking he clearly likes it.

As for your DP I'd be getting him to replace the meals too. If he's this thoughtless so early in your life together then it doesn't bode well.

LionPhish · 07/12/2021 20:34

If the OP has an eating disorder it's not actually that easy to let someone else cook for you in some cases.

OP. Can you batch cook and leave at yours?

TakeMe2Insanity · 07/12/2021 20:37

I think the biggest issue is your soon to be dh.

billy1966 · 07/12/2021 20:40

OP,

This is not a good man.

You are making a huge mistake.

God help you. Do NOT buy and move in with this loser.

Flowers
Fupoffyagrasshole · 07/12/2021 20:41

Wtf he’s a dick

This doesn’t bode well tbh I’d be having second thoughts living with someone so selfish you’ll end up doing everything

Fredstheteds · 07/12/2021 20:42

Annoying about the meals defo - if you have a slow cooker lifeline. I use liners and make up dump bags . Get out the night before and defrost and turn on.

MyPatronusIsAPenguin · 07/12/2021 20:43

If you spent most of this weekend batch cooking how is it already nearly all gone when today is Tuesday? At most he's eaten 4 meals

Original poster
catmum789 · 07/12/2021 20:43

@LionPhish

If the OP has an eating disorder it's not actually that easy to let someone else cook for you in some cases.

OP. Can you batch cook and leave at yours?

I struggle eating food made by others if I'm not around to look at what's going in to it, I've actually ordered a massive fridge freezer for this reason but it's not here yet :(
OP posts:
Cherrysoup · 07/12/2021 20:46

At nest, he’s thoughtless, at worst he’s an inconsiderate twat. Presumably you’ve told him the food is for pp?

WonderfulYou · 07/12/2021 20:47

I have just read some of your previous threads.

This one is already full of red flags - but some of your previous ones add even more.

Please please think very hard about buying a house with and moving in with and marrying this man.

I have not read OPs previous threads but this one is enough for me to know that this relationship doesn’t work.

OP do not move in with this man.
You already live in your own home and have a WFH job so there’s no need to move in with someone else.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 07/12/2021 20:50

Just tell him that once the baby is here he can cook an evening meal every night with fresh ingredients or he pays for a takeaway every night until you get into a routine with the little one.

^^
There is a problem with this, which suggests it’s been suggested by someone who hasn’t lived with this type of man. He might promise to do this, he might promise the moon on a stick. When it comes to it, abs she’s vulnerable with a new born baby, he’ll just shrug his shoulders and say “nah, I’m too tired”, “you cook, I’ve been at work all day” and / or order a takeaway for himself only / eat up whatever he can find that’s quick and easy with no thought for the Op.

Viviennemary · 07/12/2021 20:50

I think batch cooking and food are the least of your problems.

WonderfulYou · 07/12/2021 20:50

I've actually ordered a massive fridge freezer for this reason but it's not here yet

Why have you brought a massive fridge freezer if you’re moving any day now?

Some of your decisions are quite odd and I think that might be because you are having to make all of these decisions by yourself and you don’t have a supportive partner to help you.

HarrisonStickle · 07/12/2021 20:50

I've just looked at your thread where your partner says he won't be financially responsible for your baby because he already has a child.

This man is not a good man, OP. Please think again about moving in with him. I predict that whatever questionable behviour he's exhibiting now it will escalate when a. you move in together and b. you have your baby.