To be annoyed that I've batched cooked for postpartum and DP is eating all of the food now?

[catmum789]

So me and DP are in the process of buying a house and cause of circumstances I cannot stay round his current house every night because he has a son and I need to work and can't work and be a babysitter. The new house will have an office on the third floor. I stay over only 2/3 nights a week. This weekend I have stood for hours and batch cooked lots of freezer meals for when our baby comes (I am 33 weeks pregnant, no judgement we are buying a house and will have a house by the time baby is here, there are problems with our sellers that are holding the sale up) so on the days I'm not at his he has been telling me that he and his son have been eating the food I prepared for when baby is here so most things have gone!!! Im annoyed cause I portioned the meals out for 2 so we can put them in the oven when baby is here and I don't have to stress. But he has been eating them with his son who already has a hot hearty meal at nursery. He's ate the food I spent hours preparing bare in mind I stood for hours with sciatica and an iron deficiency so constant heart palpitations when I was doing it and he was watching the football!!! Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from!

But even then he can eat the same food ffs at a different time. And what if some of the meals are eaten at the weekend at lunch time?
What if what if what if? What if her DP didn’t eat the postpartum meals before the baby arrives? What if he didn’t eat meals cooked by OP when OP isn’t even there?

Surely when you said to “DP” I’m batch cooking ready for when the baby arrives and putting it in your freezer. He understood not to eat it. It’s bloody obvious. So yes you’ve got a dp problem

It’s normal to leave food in a DPs freezer or fridge or cupboard and expect it not to be eaten.

Why isn’t he batch cooking? Not in a million years would my heavily pregnant wife be stood in the kitchen working away whilst I sat on my arse. This is the time when making your life easier should be his number one priority, it doesn’t bode well for the future. Presumably there’s a reason why he’s not with the mother of his first child!

@LunaAndHerMoonDragons

Thank you for very clearly and eloquently explaining what I have been trying and failing to articulate for several pages. Makes me feel less insane 🤪

Begrudging a small child food is just awful.

Absolutely. Bad daddy really needs to stop begrudging making meals for his kid and hop to it.

I'm kind of confused about the 2 portions now. Who are the 2 portions for? Is it for 2 people or 2 for the baby? Do you all intend to separate the kids and eat different foods from eachother even when you move in? When you say you have no friends that makes sense but he is treating you badly and I guess you don't realise it. But did you not ask him or tell him to stop it as soon as it started? There are probably more problems you aren't seeing or giving enough importance. Whoever said that he can cook his son his own food is very weird. That's not nice at all. You would cook even for friends. The point is that this food is being saved for later and is effectively being stolen. You obviously need to make more portions and let the guy keep using it like ready made food or tell him to start contributing. Based on your annoyance and health and common sense he should have been helping with the meal prep anyway.

I’m struggling to understand why you have made food for 2 adults when you are a family of two adults and a child. Children are picky and leave food if they are not hungry but they still need to be offered a wide variety of food.

It's her food she can proportion it whatever way she wants. Jesus Christ. I only ever do 2 adult portions for my dinners because often my kids don't eat what we eat. She's already said she used to include his son and it got binned. I cook separately for my kids. And when they had a hot tea in crèche before they came home they didn't get another meal at home. So I obviously, like the op, hate my children. How sad for us.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Also think it's idiotic to call the OP out saying she's 'begrudging' his kid.. how ridiculous.. she's not saying the kid should starve is she.. he just shouldn't be eating the meals she lovingly prepared for a time when she'll need them.. of course not his fault, your DP should have made him something else to eat. How does mumsnet always go from 0 to 100 especially where there's stepchildren involved?!

People are getting at the fact he wasn’t included in the Batch cooking plan. OP cooked for 2, not 3. How is that ok?

Because the son eats at nursery!

@Fallagain

I’m struggling to understand why you have made food for 2 adults when you are a family of two adults and a child. Children are picky and leave food if they are not hungry but they still need to be offered a wide variety of food.

Agreed. You cook for three or you don’t cook at all. You don’t leave the child without. And she can’t argue the kid doesn’t like or want the food, he’s eaten it all.

I suspect it’s a subtle message from her partner, cook for all or cook for no one, but you don’t leave my child with nothing. What’s the kid going to do, sit with his pepperami watching his dad and her tuck in?

So you refuse to stay at dp's house because you don’t want to spend time with his ds… but you still wanted to get pregnant and buy a house together? This is your unborn baby’s big db. You need to spend MORE time with him rather than avoiding him! Your posts sound like you resent the small child. Poor kid. In nursery from morning to 5pm and only awake at home for 2hrs before being put to bed. If you already dislike caring for dss then I can’t see him having a happy relationship with his half sibling.

@catmum789Tue 07-Dec-21 19:46:34
Your post makes no sense. It doesn't matter what she's doing and why or whether her house can support it. Even doctors aren't allowed to let other staff in the building overhear patients with or about their patient, without permission. It's very strict. I won't be replying to you again. You are the one who cannot read or understand. Since he works with her it's less serious and makes more sense but still not entirely okay. As I said it's not some free for all. It also doesn't make sense that she complained about the content of her "disgusting" calls if he was okay with it, was misleading but nevermind because I don't care I was just saying.

Because the son eats at nursery!

But if he wasn't still hungry he wouldn't have eaten the batch cooking. Clearly the food from nursery is not enough.

Because the son eats at nursery!

I don’t know about you but I like to eat several meals a day.

There are sooo many issues to this. It honestly doesn’t sound like the relationship works.

If you’re working you shouldn’t be babysitting.

If you’re batch cooking you should cook for all 3 of you. You say the son won’t eat it but he’s apparently eating it now.

He absolutely shouldn’t be eating food that knows you are saving.

Why are you batch cooking at his when you are at yours more often and can easily do it at home?

If you are buying a house together you really need to live together first as I think this is just the tip of the iceberg for the problems you are going to face.

In theory your batch cooking sounds like a good idea but I’m sure your DH could just as easily cook a meal if you’re not feeling up to it or watch the baby whilst you cook.
It sounds like you standing and cooking is painful for you so I wouldn’t do it.

Gosh, I wonder why this apparent prince among men has an ex-partner.

However, OP, you mentioned in an earlier post that you '...get told you're hormonal and have no friends or family [to speak to]'.

You also mentioned that you're recovering from an ED.

Are you okay? Do you have any support at all? I don't particularly want to join a pile-on, but this doesn't sound healthy and I'm quite concerned that you're in quite a vulnerable place ATM.

I know I’ll get flamed for this but having a baby when you sort of live together, live apart 3 days, have a stepson that’s not included in the food planning etc sounds like a recipe for disaster from the start.

Exactly this. Your DH was very selfish to eat the meals. I'd be furious. But your whole set up sounds like you haven't gelled as a family yet, and there's a newborn about to be thrown into the mix. Hope you have support OP.

Why are people wittering on about "food for the baby"? Babies don't eat food, they drink milk.

OP, you're not unreasonable at all for being cross that your DP has been eating the food. Its thoughtless, at best.

HOWEVER, now you know that DSS will eat your cooking. Therefore, make sure that when you batch cook in the future, you make 2.5 person portions instead of just 2. Did you speak to your DP about him replacing the food?

Who will be looking after your DSS once you buy your house and presumably move in together?

OP: he sat watching the footie while you spent hours cooking… and then ate all that food when you were not even there.

So he thinks cooking is your job, to feed him.

It was absolutely selfish and inconsiderate.

This is the core of the issue.

It got muddied with irrelevant detail.

Tell him that you cooked that food for when you have had the baby. Remind him of your determination not to slip back into disordered eating. Tell him it was massively selfish to watch a pregnant woman cook all afternoon and then for him to eat it all up. He needs to replace the prepared food.

Be clear and direct.

He should not have done this.

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Having read some of your other posts on MN OP I’m actually quite concerned for you. You are very vulnerable in this relationship.

Me too, once I twigged who it is.

@Justheretoaskaquestion91

Also think it's idiotic to call the OP out saying she's 'begrudging' his kid.. how ridiculous.. she's not saying the kid should starve is she.. he just shouldn't be eating the meals she lovingly prepared for a time when she'll need them.. of course not his fault, your DP should have made him something else to eat. How does mumsnet always go from 0 to 100 especially where there's stepchildren involved?!

People are getting at the fact he wasn’t included in the Batch cooking plan. OP cooked for 2, not 3. How is that ok?

It’s ok because her DSS will be eating at a different time to them, she has said they eat their meals later due to work and after nursery her DSS usually only wants something small anyway. Myself and my husband found it was much easier having meals later in the evening after the baby/children are sleeping.

You said you had an eating disorder and yet you are calling a child a fussy eater?

You didn't want to cook for him even though your DP asked you to because he wouldn't eat it and it is DP's responsibility?

Do you realise you are meant to be this little boy's family?

[quote Justheretoaskaquestion91]@Constellationstation

Presumably your batch cooked meals will be for your first child as well?[/quote]
To be honest I was thinking that he’d probably have simple pasta type meals and we’d eat in the evenings after he’s gone to sleep. He has what we eat quite a lot at the moment, but I know normal logistics go out of the window for a bit when a new baby arrives.

HOWEVER, now you know that DSS will eat your cooking. Therefore, make sure that when you batch cook in the future, you make 2.5 person portions instead of just 2. Did you speak to your DP about him replacing the food?
No, when her DP batch cooks in the future, he makes 2.5 portions instead of just 2.