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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be annoyed that I've batched cooked for postpartum and DP is eating all of the food now?

404 replies

catmum789 · 07/12/2021 18:25

So me and DP are in the process of buying a house and cause of circumstances I cannot stay round his current house every night because he has a son and I need to work and can't work and be a babysitter. The new house will have an office on the third floor. I stay over only 2/3 nights a week. This weekend I have stood for hours and batch cooked lots of freezer meals for when our baby comes (I am 33 weeks pregnant, no judgement we are buying a house and will have a house by the time baby is here, there are problems with our sellers that are holding the sale up) so on the days I'm not at his he has been telling me that he and his son have been eating the food I prepared for when baby is here so most things have gone!!! Im annoyed cause I portioned the meals out for 2 so we can put them in the oven when baby is here and I don't have to stress. But he has been eating them with his son who already has a hot hearty meal at nursery. He's ate the food I spent hours preparing bare in mind I stood for hours with sciatica and an iron deficiency so constant heart palpitations when I was doing it and he was watching the football!!! Urgh please someone tell me if I'm being a hormonal monster or if you get where I'm coming from!

OP posts:
PyongyangKipperbang · 07/12/2021 21:31

This man is a selfish pig. He will always be a selfish pig. And you are thhrowing away your future by getting a house with him.

Get rid of him please

Tinsellittis · 07/12/2021 21:33

‘Post Partum’ batch cooking well I’ve heard it all now Hmm

BossLady007 · 07/12/2021 21:33

Why on earth would you want a child with a man who behaves like this?

And what makes you think that a miracle is going to happen with the birth of this child and make him into a good Dad when he clearly can't be arsed with the one he already has?

I feel sorry for both these kids, frankly. You're in a relationship with him by choice, they aren't.

HaveringWavering · 07/12/2021 21:35

@Tinsellittis

‘Post Partum’ batch cooking well I’ve heard it all now Hmm
Is it the Latin you have a problem with, or the concept?
MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry · 07/12/2021 21:35

@Tinsellittis

‘Post Partum’ batch cooking well I’ve heard it all now Hmm
Really? That’s “it all” for you? What a sheltered life you must lead.
PyongyangKipperbang · 07/12/2021 21:49

@Tinsellittis

‘Post Partum’ batch cooking well I’ve heard it all now Hmm
What would you like explained?

Post Partum means "after the birth"

Batch cooking is where a person pre prepares meals and freezes them in advance. This is often done when that person anticipates not being able to prepare decent meals due to illness, work demands or having a very young baby. Its a replacement for when we all lived within spitting distance of our families and they would cook for and help care for us/our children.

HTH :)

Summerfun54321 · 07/12/2021 21:51

OP I think if you’re worrying about food like this then you need to make sure you’re very well supported when the baby arrives.

Fridafever · 07/12/2021 21:55

I don’t know if you’re still reading OP but I think you should really think hard about moving in with this man. You’re a worthwhile person in your own right and you can have the baby on your own and be well. I think you seem very sensible about the pre birth planning and you don’t need this horrible sounding man ruining it.

Sidehustle99 · 07/12/2021 21:56

Please stop guilting the OP for batch cooking food. She has not denied the DSC any food at any time. It is not her responsibility to feed the DSC on nights she isn't there! what are you on about?

I would be mad as hell OP. Especially if he was present and saw the effort you went too.

Has he said he will do anything to put this right? Have you asked?

If you e asked and he hasn't sorted it or dismissed it then you know you've got a lazy entitled man on your hands.

If he's fixed it, or intends to imminently then I would still be a bit annoyed. You wanted the food you made and you have an eating disorder.

He really should have been more considerate. You might want to consider poking batches for 1?

Justheretoaskaquestion91 · 07/12/2021 21:57

I honestly had no idea that people 1) ate different food from their children in the evening and 2) didn’t eat food together.

As someone whose father used to eat expensive steak from the butcher whilst we ate absolute crap this really pisses me off/CBA arguing with people who think this is reasonable/not demeaning to children. Can’t believe someone posted that one hot meal a day means they don’t need another. Honestly what.

Either way OP your relationship sounds bad and I’m sorry for you because that’s not a great place to be at 33 weeks. All the best

Pinkgold1 · 07/12/2021 21:58

@MaryAndGerryLivingInDerry

Bit snarky aren't we?

Actually it’s concern.

What's ops age got to do with anything?

OP was 18 when this 40+ man with a very small child began a relationship with her that has resulted in her having an unplanned pregnancy and moving away from all her friends and family, she is autistic and has trouble forming friendships, she is very anxious about her current state of isolation while being a new mother, as well as that, as survivor of an eating disorder she sensibly planned and prepared a way to avoid slipping into poor eating habits for the early days of motherhood and her grown ass partner had gobbled them all up.

Omg this is horrific. @catmum789 you need to escape this old man and move into a family member’s home. There is a huge power imbalance here.
AnotherEmma · 07/12/2021 22:04

Please please do not buy a house with this man. Move closer to your family and friends if you can.

He is not a supportive partner and it's only going to get worse.

Wbfa · 07/12/2021 22:14

The vibe from this post is so totally off especially after reading about the treatment of children. OP I understand that you made that food for a time you would need it the most. But honestly your partner should have been specifically told that you were saving it for when it’s going to be difficult. But honestly your attitude towards his kid is not the greatest either. His kid is not going in there and eating the food. His dad is giving it to him. You bringing up his son is a bit unnecessary. You will get all kinds of people of mumsnet telling you all kinds of things. But honestly if you were not ready to take to include your stepsons welfare every step of the way and love him too (not just as a duty but also genuinely), you really should not have got involved with a man who had a child from a previous relationship.

TractorAndHeadphones · 07/12/2021 22:19

OP for the love of god please LTB

AcrossthePond55 · 07/12/2021 22:22

So me and DP are in the process of buying a house

Please, I beg of you, tell me that your name is on the house and that you have separate finances. And that you plan to return to work after your mat leave. From what I've gathered from PP, your 'd'P is not someone I'd be wanting to set up housekeeping with!

You've just had a taste of your future. Remember that it is NEVER to late to say 'no', back out of everything, and live on your own terms.

Ohsugarhoneyicetea · 07/12/2021 22:25

Id be dreading having a baby with this prince. He cant even care for child he has properly. Be prepared for this to get much much worse. Id make sure I had a well thought out escape plan for when his laziness and entitlement becomes too much.

Anaximedes · 07/12/2021 22:26

As someone whose father used to eat expensive steak from the butcher whilst we ate absolute crap this really pisses me off

This isn't relevant to the original query. I'm sorry to hear of your experience, and can completely understand why you would choose to do things differently. But not everyone (by a long way) is like this just because they don't choose to eat exactly the same as their children at all times.

FOJN · 07/12/2021 22:31

The vibe from this post is so totally off especially after reading about the treatment of children. OP I understand that you made that food for a time you would need it the most. But honestly your partner should have been specifically told that you were saving it for when it’s going to be difficult. But honestly your attitude towards his kid is not the greatest either. His kid is not going in there and eating the food. His dad is giving it to him. You bringing up his son is a bit unnecessary. You will get all kinds of people of mumsnet telling you all kinds of things. But honestly if you were not ready to take to include your stepsons welfare every step of the way and love him too (not just as a duty but also genuinely), you really should not have got involved with a man who had a child from a previous relationship.

Haven't read the thread then?

Cherrytart23 · 07/12/2021 22:40

Why not leave them in your own freezer since you don't live with him

PrincessNutella · 07/12/2021 22:42

You are 100 percent right to be angry, OP. Here's the thing about what you're doing when you're batch cooking: You're trying to gain some control over an unknowable, uncontrollable situation, right? You know it's going to be different, and you have solid evidence (from other people and from using logic) to assume that you will have less energy and time to devote to cooking or any other personal pursuit. You will be shorter of money. Yet you will need healthy food at a reasonable price more than ever. So you are trying to do something that is a gift to future youto future both of you. This is an act that should be respected by your partner, and taken seriously. Instead, he is treating it somewhere between nothing and a joke. How could you not feel a rising anxiety, when you are entering a state of greater and greater anxiety as you face the act that puts women in the most vulnerable position they will ever begiving birth?

Saltyquiche · 07/12/2021 22:43

It’s great the child us eating proper meals like chilli, spice is totally fine and there’s likely only to be a tiny amount of salt. You can always avoid adding salt when making dishes and instead add salt when reheating for yourself.

Secondly, why isn’t he cooking? Can he cook? I’d be tempted to text him a simple BBC food recipe website and ask him to find some easy meals he would like to cook for you

Rangoon · 07/12/2021 22:45

I would be very angry and he would be in no doubt that I was raging. I suspect the DP doesn't cook so there is no chance he is going to replace the meals. I think the DP has been breath-takingly selfish eating food that he knows was prepared for after the baby was born because he couldn't be bothered getting food prepared for him and his son.

I can't see why PP are banging on about depriving a child of food. The toddler lives with his father, not the OP. It is the father's responsibility to feed the child. Lots of people eat later than 7 pm. Just because somebody has an eating disorder doesn't mean that they can't describe a child as a fussy eater. It seems that the OP when she is there cooks a separate healthy meal for the toddler.

I can't see anything wrong or unusual about filling the freezer with meals for after the baby is born. It just makes proper eating easier. I don't have an eating disorder but we froze meals to have when we were looking after a newborn and I was recovering from c-sections. You'll note that I said we because my husband shared/helped with the cooking.

I know you're in deep in this situation with this man, but he is not a good or thoughtful man. A decent man would not behave as he has done knowing that you cooked that food when you weren't well and because you wanted to eat properly after having an eating disorder. I urge you to consider very hard whether you want to buy a house with this man because I certainly wouldn't. You will tether yourself to this man ever more closely. If you are on the autism spectrum, I can tell you that your DP would have been perfectly aware that he wasn't meant to use your food to avoid cooking for him and his son. You might think you have to go through with this, so as to have help with the baby but I think you are in danger of becoming a domestic skivvy doing everything for the baby as well as this selfish man and his child. You might well manage better on your own. When somebody shows you what they are like ie lazy, selfish, greedy and thoughtless, you should believe that.

FictionalCharacter · 07/12/2021 22:45

@gamerchick Begrudging his kid food?! The child is in his father’s house - his father can cook food for him!

Flyingsunflower · 07/12/2021 22:51

You just can't store cooked meals in his freezer and expect no one to eat it. If I was you I would start storing the meals in a freezer at your house.

Since you have mentioned you portioned the meal for 2 what were you planning to feed DSS when he was at his dad's after the baby comes or he will be banned from coming until you have bonded with your baby?

You have decided to start a family with this man so start making meals for 3 and stop making excuses or you can find a few meals that Dss would eat and prep it for him?

ilssagain · 07/12/2021 22:53

This man is a complete and utter prick.
In a previous thread you said he says you have to take full financial responsibility for the baby as he already has DSS.
He has shown no interest whatsoever in going to scans and ante-natal classes and wouldn't organize alternative childcare for his son despite being told the date months in advance.
And now he decides to eat the food you prepared and presumably paid for.
Also the whole thing about how you have to work at home because you can't work at his and be a babysitter is a bit of a red flag too. Is he expecting you to "baby sit" his child?? He should be caring for his child and feeding the child properly.
Funny how he seems to do fuck all in that respect but when it comes to financially supporting your baby you will have to to that alone because he has a child.
He is a flaky useless dad and a prize prick.

I would strongly advise you not to buy a house with him.
It's just a disaster waiting to happen.
You'd be better off staying where you are