'They've got their own lives' and other stock phrases

[saywhatagain]

I'm an adult social worker and I hear words to the tune of 'X never visits/helps because they have their own lives' many times a month.

Another popular one is 'I've worked all my life and now I have to pay, but if I'd sat on my arse my whole life / was an immigrant (etc) I'd get it all for free'.

Or another popular one, 'the GP gave me your number as my mother/father/aunt (etc) needs to go into a care home right NOW' - and 9/10 times it's a either health need not a social one or the person is nowhere near care home ready.

Tell me yours for your job, make me feel better about the Groundhog Day that my job is at the moment?

@sleepyshiftworker brilliant ! I can relate to that.

Also getting locked inside the care home because all the staff have disappeared and I don't know the code.

I'm a cash buyer (upon an accepted offer, produces a mortgage offer in principle)

Points to under stairs cupboard and says to child "that's your room, like Harry Potter"

Ever heard of confidentiality?
Yeah; because everyone on Mumsnet will recognise the OP and know who she means.

Op, greatest respect for what you do.
I hear this ‘ they have their own lives’ in my role, and i accept it for what it is, that many people do have their own extremely busy lives. I am not in a position where I need to care for anyone other than my children, and if anyone asked more of me, my time is entirely used up with work and my children. So anyone would say of me that I have my own life. Because it’s true. No judgement, just fact.

@julieca I can usually see through all that. Usually:

Rescue and transport volunteer for a well known animal charity.

"You're not going to believe this" ...no, I probably won't.

"It's a stray, honestly"...no, more like you can't be bothered to look after your own cat.

@maddiemookins16mum

Ex complaints handler… ‘I know it’s not your fault, but…..’

What is wrong with this one?

I'll stop saying to the person I'm making a complaint to forthwith since it's so tiresome!

This isn't a stock phrase, but when I worked in an office we would set direct debits for people to pay their accounts. We gave them a form for their bank details, they completed and signed it, job done. I've lost count of the times after the first payment was made when a client would phone and say "YOU took the money out of the wrong account". Hello - YOU filled in the bank details, we took the money out of that account, it's actually YOUR fault. (Of course we always framed that more politely).

When I worked on complaints the ‘I know it’s not your fault’ would come after 5 minutes of chewing my ear off about something.

NHS admin:

“I know you’ve got long waiting lists but my child needs to be seen now”

I feel for those parents

flymetotheloon most jobs with people will mean workers encounter the same lines over time.

Teachers often hear things like 'my child said they didn't and they wouldn't lie' as we have explained CCTV/two members of staff plus the victim/ a dozen children have all said otherwise. We also encounter the parents who will blame everything on the fact that teachers don't understand how brilliantly intelligent their child is despite a lot of evidence to the contrary.

I'd also add on every parents' evening when I say a student is amazing to teach and I couldn't ask for more, the reply is often a joke about whether I've got the right child/they're no like this at home

None of that would be unprofessional sharing because I'd imagine most teachers on mumsnet probably hear the same things.

The OP has shared thr social work lines she hears.

@HarrisonStickle and @Sparklingbrook I think it's where it comes in the conversation. At the beginning is more palatable than after the venting - to me at least.

Probation officer. Popular ones at the moment seems to be ‘my ex lied to the court and I never did xyz’ and ‘she’s crazy’ and ‘I don’t know I can’t remember’ plus the standard evasion tactics to try to evade any efforts in challenging attitudes and behaviour.

This is often despite overwhelming evidence, often over the course of several years, and on two occasions this week alone CCTV documenting assaults. Still absolute denial of any wrong doing.

I would complain about management stock phrases about workload but I honestly can’t be bothered.

@LolaSmiles mine is the nice quiet polite child at school and a demon at home. I tried really hard not to give the stock response at parents' evening!

Customer service role, 30 minutes after being called every name under the sun, shouted at, and being told I don't know how to do my job - "I know it's not your fault personally but..."

My Mum would be one for saying "My children are very busy, they have so much to do".

The translation is:

"I've been such an abusive bitch all my life, two of my adult children have cut me off and one emigrated."

It is not my job to care for my abuser. I wanted to go into care as a child, but all the adults turned their backs.

I think many of the old, lonely people in care homes are alone because they are (deservedly) unloved.

Hmm... I'm sure everyone has anecdotes about their work and how they keep hearing the same bloody things all the time.

Mine would be a bit boring, but pretty harmless: software engineer... So mostly you'd hear us moaning about customers changing their requirements at the last minute, or sales selling software that doesn’t exist, etc.
However my boss would be livid if we were moaning about this in a public place. Would be very damaging to the image of the company.

Similarly, if I heard someone else moaning about their job in a public place, it may taint the image I have of their profession. And I think it would be particularly damaging if the profession involves dealing with vulnerable individuals (e.g. social care, medical care, teaching, law, etc.)
I have no doubt people are human and sometimes need to vent. But there's a time and place. Doing so on a public forum, to an audience which may involve a few colleagues, but also (for the most part?) service users, is not necessarily wise.

Similarly, I probably wouldn't enjoy hearing the locker room banter of police officers (or other professions heavily involve in dealing with traumatic incidents)

@flymetotheloon Every time I can't avoid catching sight of the Daily Mail (shudder) it seems to have these type of comments on the front pages though....just out of curiosity, what's your profession? Or would it be too personally identifying?

@Sparklingbrook

Oh yes, like my Dad. Sees someone cleaning their car 'you can do mine next'.

Oh FFS I get this EVERY TIME I am trimming the hedge - 'you missed a bit...' AND when I am painting the fence or cleaning the car 'you can do mine next.' I know it's only people making conversation, but it's so annoying. ANNNDDD it's ALWAYS A MAN! Middle aged, like 45 to 65.

Do they really think they're funny?

When I tell my DH he isn't funny, he says he IS, and I have no sense of humour.

A family member worked for SS and I commented on a thread about people always "losing" their purses on the day they got paid and drawing it out of the bank. They'd then go in to the office and be given gas/electricity and supermarket vouchers and she used to say that the road from the post office must be littered with lost purses.

It was a joke, she never mentioned names, and I didn't live anywhere near her office, but people were saying she should be sacked for telling me things like that, even though the people were totally anonymous at all times.

I'm an HCA so on the tea round from the older men it's always:
"No sugar, I'm sweet enough" or
A gin & tonic please love haha"
Then at breakfast time from the same jokers, "full English, eggs & bacon", while when ordering the meals it's "steak please"...

The male patients also always come out with gems such as "oh I expect you've seen it all before sister" (because any woman in a uniform has to be the ward Sister or clinical leader).

More sadly the very elderly ladies almost all say usually several times a shift "oh, I'm too much trouble for you"..
To which you have to repeatedly deny firmly that they are any trouble at all.

@echt It's possible that I'm over-sensitive due to personal circumstances. I should have been clearer that the 'family should help' expectation is societal - perhaps wrongly I felt OP was going in that direction.
OP I don't wish to be unkind, just giving my own reaction to your post. It set off some feelings. I don't blame SWs for wanting to vent; they have one of the toughest jobs going. However I don't think a thread about social care is ever going to be 'light-hearted'; it's too emotive a subject. (And actually I can see how that could add to the pressure.)
@flymetotheloon thank you for your kind words about my situation.
@crackofdoom you have a cool job!

@flymetotheloon

Wow.

What an unprofessional post from a SW bitching about the things that clients say.

Especially given recent news events.

Ever heard of confidentiality?

Said by someone who has probably never done a tough job like social work.

She's a Social Worker not a fecking saint and HCPs and the like often have the blackest sense of humour!

Local government - 'I pay your wages.'

No, you don't. Fuck off.

@flymetotheloon

Wow.

What an unprofessional post from a SW bitching about the things that clients say.

Especially given recent news events.

Ever heard of confidentiality?

On what planet could this post breach confidentiality