'They've got their own lives' and other stock phrases

[saywhatagain]

I'm an adult social worker and I hear words to the tune of 'X never visits/helps because they have their own lives' many times a month.

Another popular one is 'I've worked all my life and now I have to pay, but if I'd sat on my arse my whole life / was an immigrant (etc) I'd get it all for free'.

Or another popular one, 'the GP gave me your number as my mother/father/aunt (etc) needs to go into a care home right NOW' - and 9/10 times it's a either health need not a social one or the person is nowhere near care home ready.

Tell me yours for your job, make me feel better about the Groundhog Day that my job is at the moment?

@flymetotheloon

If OP were a registered SW she's have this post deleted because it brings the profession into disrepute.

People don't access social care to provide mind numbing entertainment for fools on the internet.

Well done for covering your profession in glory, OP, when its reputation is already in the gutter.

What I see is a professional who's pushed to the limit by incorrect referrals, not enough available funding to do the job properly, who has to spend their days providing support and taking the rap from clients some of whom are ignorant and bigoted.

But why is she taking her frustration with that out on the clients and slagging (generic) them off on here for using phrases she finds boring or has heard before?

I haven’t said them before when I’m in front of a Sw And it’s the easiest quickest way to explain my situation

And I really don’t like that this thread is on one of the biggest websites in the country and is likely going to be picked up by a tabloid and make disabled and vulnerable people feel shit.

So "sigh" what makes you "feel" your child has additional needs?

Proceeds to run off a huge list of unwanted behaviour that is classic adhd

But school say he is "fine"

I have to drag him to school physically as soon as we get to the school gate its like a switch is flipped and he settles I feel he is masking

But he is "fine" in school I don't see the problem

He isnt at home

You need to try harder try a star chart

He rips them up and it makes him very anxious

Look why do you want your child medicated? This isn't America we arnt going to medicate a perfectly healthy child because you can't parent him go on a parenting course and learn to discipline your child

dies a little more gives up a lot

But skyll I didn’t get the impression from op that those phrases always annoy or irritate. They are surely examples of phrases heard a lot and I assume in all sorts of circumstances ranging from ‘that’s how it is for this client’ right through to ‘this client may have other support available’.
If you explained your situation it wouldn’t annoy or irritate any professional surely ?
I have clients who say oft heard things to me - I then apply critical reasoning to understand whether it’s right or just trotted out etc. Then advise and act accordingly as best as possible having understood a bit more.
Support anyway and hope your situation is being supported. Don’t feel ‘terrible’ when explaining why family can’t provide some support - Thats simply your situation.

But to the op it’s a stock phrase.

I’m not an individual who she is dealing with as an individual I’m just a number.

And she’s pissed off because she hears it multiple times a day.

Btw I’m not a social worker. Defence barrister but similarly I hear oft repeated things from clients - they just call for some further info/questioning/advice depending on why they were said.

Would it be better if I didn’t say it @saywhatagain? Would it be better (genuine question) if I lied and told you I had help? What way would you find appropriate for me to phrase it (if I’m allowed to tell the truth and not expected to lie) that is acceptable to say they can’t help me out?

I've just realised that I do use the "do you work here?" . Mainly because I once didn't, and it turned out that the woman dressed in orange in B&Q didn't work there. She was very unimpressed by my paint related question

@flymetotheloon

Wow.

What an unprofessional post from a SW bitching about the things that clients say.

Especially given recent news events.

Ever heard of confidentiality?

I expect you'll get slated but I thought it was very off too.

I have heard many SW complaining how hard their job is. Everyone knows it isn't an easy job but when I hear the mistakes they are making, and fuck it they aren't mistakes they are lack of common sense decisions, in 2021 that they were making in the 70s and 80s it makes me properly despair and devastated.

I’m a teacher. Mine is ‘can I borrow a pen?’.

No pens but I bet you remembered your phone.

You see the interaction I have with social services and there like are just the same stock phrases and they run like this

Its your fault
Its your fault therfore we can punish you
Its your fault because you married a nice man who turned out to be abusive you should have "known" four years before he started to abuse you that it would happen
Its your fault
You deal with it
Yes the school say they have seen issues but we feel it's your fault
We don't do support we will just judge you harshly and blame you
I don't see why your trying to put him through the umbrella pathway he looked right at me!
You filmed a meltdown? How abusive of you!
Why would you need support? Clearly everything is fine they attend school and your house is clean im not sure what else you want out of life?
A JOB? your job is with the children your the mother
Your on BENEFITS? Well its good money if you can swing it personally I prefer to work

@flymetotheloon agreed, given the recent news I'm surprised they have the nerve to complain about 'stock phrases'.

I have to admit the OP post bothered me.

I dealt with SW for my dad, and I can imagine my mum saying this to them (having their own lives) about me. The reality is that I was in an impossible position dealing with a child with additional needs, miles away, during covid. But I worry a lot I didn't spend enough time with my dad before he died. And now it seems the SW may well have been judging me.

To the people that say them, they aren't stock phrases. And when it feels like groundhog day it's even more important to remember that.

It was the one about health needs versus social care needs that touched a nerve with me. On account of the hours and hours I've spent trying to understand the difference and advocating for my vulnerable relative during his rapid decline. When I don't understand the system and was just looking for some help from sometime that does.

Oh FFS some people just LOVE to take offence or make it all about them.

OP you should've put 'lighthearted' in the title. STOCK PHRASES people. Social Workers have them, Teachers have them, Doctors have them, Criminal Defence Lawyers have them in abundance.

The OP wasn't displaying any vitriol to the person saying it or mocking them in any way, or breaching confidentiality, or bringing the profession into disrepute.

Geez!!!

My god with remarks and lack of empathy towards the OP -
I can see why there is a really dangerous lack of Social Workers in the profession . A tiny little, non-bitchy vent is leapt upon and the OP vilified.
She neither broke 'confidence' (no identifiable information provided) nor did she break any code of conduct. Her conduct has bought NOTHING about the SW profession into disrepute . She has simply stated that within her role certain phrases are used time and time again and has asked in a lighthearted ANONYMOUS forum for other stock phrases used in OTHER lines of work.

And flymetotheloon do not begin to lecture me about 'codes of conduct' because you are talking bollocks. I have a very strict and proscribed code, am a very senior member of that profession.. yet am more than comfortable to join in ..

'No. I don't know why you're here' . No I don't know xxx' 'That's for my personal use' ' (after finding ££££ in a car ) 'I was given that by my friend/mother/granddad/uncle tom.

Much more concerning is the attitude towards a social worker having a little harmless vent . I work with SW every day. They are usually without exception the most amazing, caring, dedicated people who work long long unpaid hours in the most unsupported environment I have ever encountered.
Every SW I have EVER known leave the profession - is due to the complete lack of support from their managers. Who are far too interested in targets and paperwork (and perhaps policing their anonymous thoughts) than supporting their staff with empathy and kindness.

Have a pretty good idea where the most vocal critic of the OP sits in that hierarchy.

@Skyll

What am I supposed to say that isn’t going to annoy the SW and HCP to explain that I don’t have friends or family who can help? Can someone please tell me how im meant to phrase it so as not to irritate the professionals?

Just say you have no help.

@Skyll

No. I don’t. I only moved here and my friends here are only acquaintances and my family live abroad.

And I hate having to explain it all the time like I’m a pathetic loser.

And the fact that it’s pissing off a social worker just makes things so much worse.

I won’t say it in future I’ll just do my best to cope on my own and lie about help.

You're being a martyr. Just say that you have no help no one's expecting you to lie..

@popularinthe80s

Interesting thread. I'm not so worried about the confidentiality issue (not because confidentiality isn't important - I work in a closely related field, but because clients aren't identifiable from the OP's account).

What I am acutely aware of is the sense of weariness in the post.

There is always an individual behind the stock phrase, with their own very personal set of circumstances.

We get clients who say they never get a visit from their family. The reality can range from: no, they don't, and it's very sad; to no, they don't, and if you understood any of the adult child's perspective, you might see why; to yes, they actually do, every day, but it's never enough for the client. And a thousand permutations in between.

Clients do get bounced between Health and Social Care, each arguing that the other should provide the care. That's not because Health or SW are uncaring automata. It's because funding has been slashed for SW, and funding for Health has been supposedly increased but actually not really. And it's going to get worse.

This post has made me reflect on my own work and how I can internally roll my eyes in a 'heard it all before'. But we haven't heard it all before because this person is an individual.

If this sounds prissy, let me assure you that in my sector, our sense of humour can be pretty dark. It's what gets us through the day. Just that this thread has got me thinking in a different direction.

This was really nice to read. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to do your job and keep compassion.

I’d like to see the senior/boss dr (meaning the make nurse, junior dr or medical student that’s come with me on the ward round (where I’m the consultant and clearly the oldest person there)

*male

As a carer, from the adult social workers:

It will have to go to panel
We don't plan for a crisis as it might never happen
Yes, mistakes happen but you need to draw a line under it and move on (I loved hearing that, no apology for their mistakes at all)
In an ideal world what would you like to happen?
No, your relative can't have NHS CHC
There are people much worse off than your relative
I'll have to check with my supervisor and get back to you (and then don't)
That's not how the system works I'm afraid

Do you ever use any of those stock phrases OP?