'They've got their own lives' and other stock phrases

[saywhatagain]

I'm an adult social worker and I hear words to the tune of 'X never visits/helps because they have their own lives' many times a month.

Another popular one is 'I've worked all my life and now I have to pay, but if I'd sat on my arse my whole life / was an immigrant (etc) I'd get it all for free'.

Or another popular one, 'the GP gave me your number as my mother/father/aunt (etc) needs to go into a care home right NOW' - and 9/10 times it's a either health need not a social one or the person is nowhere near care home ready.

Tell me yours for your job, make me feel better about the Groundhog Day that my job is at the moment?

To be fair to OP she stated that 9 times out of 10 it was either a health need not social or they weren't care home ready.

I am wondering if someone who needed specialist nursing care would be a health need and not a social need?

The labyrinth system for adult older care looks very difficult for families to navigate but it doesn't look great for professionals trying to work through it all either.

Mumsnet is full of teachers threads, social workers should be able to talk. You might not hear what they want to say but they should be able to say it.

My mum uses the phrase 'you have y ou ur own life' all the time to stop us trying to help, visit etc. She also doesn't ask us for help then tells us 'but you have your own life' and I always say 'and you're still my main family!' I detest the phrase and told dh and the kids if they ever hear me say it they're to remind me why I hate it. At dh's granny's funeral the priest apparently mentioned that he hadn't seen the children (grown adults) in years, insinuating they hadn't been around. They were all always visiting but apparently she only spoke of how alone she was. My brother lives with my mum and she still uses the phrase 'living on my own'. Just to give you another perspective op (and I don't think people realise they do it and I am aware not everyone visits/helps it's just something I think about a lot). Ps in retail if you can't get something I've had a lot of people tell me if 'oh it's okay, I'll just get it online'. Generally really loudly

I used to organise assessment days for recruitment of temporary jobs. Mostly students, school leavers over summer etc.

The amount of times I would get phonecalls from people (or someone's Mummy 🤦 ) saying they couldn't make the assessment for 9am, so can they come in at 1.30 instead. Yeah, sure, I'll just call the other 50 people involved in this assessment day and tell them all were changing the time to fit around Barbara's driving lesson...

I work in a private hospital and constantly receive complaints about shared rooms “Is this the only room the hospital can provide me with despite having TOP health insurance?!”
Everyone has top cover or they wouldn’t be there. Also it’s oncology so we need the private rooms for infectious or dying patients.

Taking a brief health history “No, I don’t have any medical conditions”. They then pull out a cake sized Tupperware container of medications. (I should say I have more creative ways nowadays of finding out the info I need to know).

Many years ago I worked for the Australian equivalent of council housing.
White Australians: ‘If I was a refugee I would have been given a five bed house in already!’
Refugee: ‘You’re discriminating against me because I’m not Australian’

Also no one could accept a property on a main road because their (non SEN) kids would apparently be killed in traffic.

And people who were apparently living in their car being picky about accepting a property that was a bit run down.

Have a good hard look at yourself, always said by busy body twats who think they’re incredibly important.

another one you get in retail all the time ,

me clad in uniform a bit like a care workers and stocking shelves off a large trolley loaded with vitamins and other stock

customer , excuse me . do you work here ?
i want to reply no i dont im afraid , and just wonder if they will just go away , do people really think that i am just a random woman whos decided to dress in a uniform and stand there just filling shelves in a shop because im bored or summit !

it does my head in every time im asked and belive me iv been asked so many times over the 18 years iv worked for the company

As a university lecturer setting an assignment:

If I do x, will it be good?

Uhh.....you tell me? Will it? I can't wait to find out!

@flymetotheloon

Yes, Luredbyapomegranate I am serious. I work in a related field to SW and I could expect serious repercussions for posting in such a flippant and sneering way about clients I am paid to work with safely and ethically.

What makes you think this is ok or an appropriate place for this OP to vent? Have you ever read an ethical code for this kind of profession?

Because it’s anonymous. Which is great because when people say ridiculous things, nobody knows who they are.

@Coquohvan Ahh that must be devastating. Pet insurance seems like an expense at the time but the day will come when you'll be glad...my cat dislocated her ankle in a way that required pancarpal arthodesis last year. Very very fixable - she now runs, jumps, climbs and apart from the fact that paw doesn't tuck all the way inwards when she sits in loaf position, you would truly never know it happened. If she hadn't been insured...I don't know. I don't like to think of it. The bones weren't going to heal naturally and I didn't have thousands ready to drop on her surgery.

Op has not breached her duty of confidentiality. She’s used ‘stock phrases’ not attributed to any client, to raise issues she experiences frequently as a SW -
Lack of care
Racism/xenophobia
Unreasonable expectations.

It’s important stuff and doesn’t at all bring her profession into disrepute the way it was written.

@ViceLikeBlip

Teacher.

"my little Einstein only messes around so much because they're not being stretched enough"

"but... they got 12% in the last test?"

"yes. Because it's too easy"

😄

I would add
‘My child is incredibly bright’

‘Why isn’t my child in the top group?’

‘My child is in trouble? They’re so bored because it’s so easy’

Social worker

I think your ex husband has moved back into the family home

Mum, no he isnt
Kids, confirm he isnt
Neighbours, back mum up
Womans aid, confirm mum has been doing great work on herself no sign of ex husband

Social worker, well I think he is and I want to take your youngest children away so I'm taking you to court for emotional harm

Oh how we laughed!

“What score would you give your pain out of 10 if 10 was the worst pain you could imagine? “

“11”

So 10/10 is the equivalent of being run over by a bus and you’re sitting in the chair chatting to me normally and your pain level is 11/10? Really?

lollipop that really really made me laugh.
I was once in agony and said ‘3 maybe 4’ - the look of shock on the doctors face ! I said it because I wasn’t able to think clearly at all due to being 11 on the scale, clearly.

So when I say my kids can’t care for me because they’re working and have their own lives (as I did only a couple of weeks ago) the social worker I said it to judged me.

I mean. I knew they did (and went on to explain that two live at opposite end of the country and one 90 minutes away) but it’s shitty to read it here

Sorry op but that makes me feel terrible. I couldn’t get the discharge people to understand that I didn’t have help at home and they made me feel terrible as it was.

You dont have any friends or family support AT ALL? (Exaggerated disbelief)

Well no you see I had an abusive marriage which chased off most my friends two children with issues which chased off most the rest and the only ones I've got left are either in the same boat with issues disability or in the case of my mother working to pay her mortgage at age 70

There isn't anything in the budget for respite so you will just have to cope

Cleaner. 'Excuse the mess!'

Although I do love hearing this. I hate cleaning clean. I want a big mess!

No. I don’t. I only moved here and my friends here are only acquaintances and my family live abroad.

And I hate having to explain it all the time like I’m a pathetic loser.

And the fact that it’s pissing off a social worker just makes things so much worse.

I won’t say it in future I’ll just do my best to cope on my own and lie about help.

Interesting thread. I'm not so worried about the confidentiality issue (not because confidentiality isn't important - I work in a closely related field, but because clients aren't identifiable from the OP's account).

What I am acutely aware of is the sense of weariness in the post.

There is always an individual behind the stock phrase, with their own very personal set of circumstances.

We get clients who say they never get a visit from their family. The reality can range from: no, they don't, and it's very sad; to no, they don't, and if you understood any of the adult child's perspective, you might see why; to yes, they actually do, every day, but it's never enough for the client. And a thousand permutations in between.

Clients do get bounced between Health and Social Care, each arguing that the other should provide the care. That's not because Health or SW are uncaring automata. It's because funding has been slashed for SW, and funding for Health has been supposedly increased but actually not really. And it's going to get worse.

This post has made me reflect on my own work and how I can internally roll my eyes in a 'heard it all before'. But we haven't heard it all before because this person is an individual.

If this sounds prissy, let me assure you that in my sector, our sense of humour can be pretty dark. It's what gets us through the day. Just that this thread has got me thinking in a different direction.

I say they have their own lives because they DO. because it’s not their job to care for me. Because they live too far away to expect them to travel daily to care for me. Because they already do enough and I don’t want them to have to do any more.

And now I feel absolutely terrible. Even the social workers are fed up hearing me. Even the professionals don’t want to be bothered they think it’s just excuses.

@flymetotheloon

Wow.

What an unprofessional post from a SW bitching about the things that clients say.

Especially given recent news events.

Ever heard of confidentiality?

I don’t think you understand what confidentiality means 😵‍💫😂

What am I supposed to say that isn’t going to annoy the SW and HCP to explain that I don’t have friends or family who can help? Can someone please tell me how im meant to phrase it so as not to irritate the professionals?

@ViceLikeBlip

Teacher.

"my little Einstein only messes around so much because they're not being stretched enough"

"but... they got 12% in the last test?"

"yes. Because it's too easy"

😂😂😂

Dentistry
Every.single.patient that walks in

‘Shall I take my mask off?’

Um yes. ( wondering how on earth they think I’ll get to their teeth while they’re masked up)