'They've got their own lives' and other stock phrases

[saywhatagain]

I'm an adult social worker and I hear words to the tune of 'X never visits/helps because they have their own lives' many times a month.

Another popular one is 'I've worked all my life and now I have to pay, but if I'd sat on my arse my whole life / was an immigrant (etc) I'd get it all for free'.

Or another popular one, 'the GP gave me your number as my mother/father/aunt (etc) needs to go into a care home right NOW' - and 9/10 times it's a either health need not a social one or the person is nowhere near care home ready.

Tell me yours for your job, make me feel better about the Groundhog Day that my job is at the moment?

My son, working in Sports Direct : “Do you want a bag for life?”
Every bloke who is at the checkout with a woman: “no, I’ve got one right here” 😡
But even worse was when a bloke kept wearing the trackies that he’d tried on and wanted to buy. Advised that they needed to be scanned, he pulled the trousers down and sat on the counter

[quote 5zeds]**@BoredZelda* I see all these people all the time too, and have involvement from the CWD and OT parts of social work. I haven’t found it the least invasive.* that’s great for you, but disabled people have their right to privacy enshrined in law, so presumably my feelings aren’t that “silly woman” and in fact are fairly commonplace.[/quote]
Exactly this.

Thanks Aussie. I absolutely love my job and genuinely care about everyone I work with. That doesn't mean I don't have days where I come home and cry. It can be thankless and soul destroying at times. But, even though we are being (rightly) scrutinised as a profession right now, the public need to understand that the media don't cover all the good that children and adult social workers do, all the children that are protected, the safeguards that are put in place to fight elder abuse.
I felt for the OP being effectively used as a punch bag for public opinion and couldn't not reply.

that’s great for you, but disabled people have their right to privacy enshrined in law, so presumably my feelings aren’t that “silly woman” and in fact are fairly commonplace.

What a strange conclusion to draw. Again, my daughter’s privacy is so well maintained even I struggle to access reports written about her when I need to e.g to pass them on for DLA etc.

Just suggesting your assumption people are talking about you, is probably not the norm. And certainly isn’t relevant to an anonymous post on an Internet forum.

@5128gap

And to be fair to the OP, listening to people making discriminatory remarks about what they think other people get that they don't is very very tiresome.

Isn't it just? I so relate to this part of OP's post. I am in an analogous profession with similar code of ethics. Your heart would break without a thick skin. So no, I don't think OP is bringing the profession into disrepute. I don't even think she was really making light of these things being said.

When you hear them over and over again, it really drives home how broken everything is. Mind boggling.

@Coquohvan

“How much” “Will this be expensive” worst “Just put them to sleep”

Unfortunately you didn’t buy pet insurance for your dog/cat/pet.
Never from an owner who has insurance when their pet requires treatment or op.

That's terrible

previous retail life i have been told
-I pay your wages
-my rights are...
-i phoned trading standards and they told me you have to give me a refund (for the item dropped/abused/lost/ancient/no proof of purchase)
-i know your boss and if you want to keep your job

@DdraigGoch its realistic if an animal has high medical costs.

I worked in maccy D's as a teen a favourite topic with the lout customers ( after football/ sat night out etc ) was mc in every sentence.
As in 'where's the mctoilet?'
'Can I get that for mcfree'?
'Oh that's the mcmilkshake maker'

there were some lovely families and customers but also some absolute scummy slobs too

The amount of people who end up spilling half their meals on the floor is disgusting or leaving snot/ gum under tables ..... and then complain if you try to clean up around then 'they shouldn't be allowed to sweep when we're eating'

@SemiAquaticWoman

I have a relative who needs the services of Adult Social Care. I am estranged from this person because they joined with another family member in emotionally abusing me to the point of a breakdown and near suicide. I am acutely aware of the costs to an overstretched department of their care. If I was able to meet some of their needs it would save time and money for people like OP. But I just can't bring myself to see this person again. I feel immense guilt and shame about the situation and never talk about it as I don't think most people would understand. However I would expect better from a professional. Remarks like OP's, even though they are generic and not aimed at me personally, add to the pain and shame. I'm disappointed at the attitude that if anyone needs help from social services it means their family hasn't tried hard enough. Should we expect no help from the state at all?

Is that really what she said, though? I didn't read it that way at all.

”They've worked all their life..." is one that really gets me. Quite often the person is in their 90s and had 30 years of state pension and other benefits.

I always wonder why, when they become pensioners hit pension age, they automatically become a previously hard working person who has given everything all their life. I mean, we’ve been told about about workshy, lifelong benefits scroungers for a good couple of decades now. Presumably some of them have retired by now? My husband’s aunt never worked after she was married. Spent a couple of decades raising their children, and never returned to the workplace. When they had to move out of the place they had rented for decades because they couldn’t manage the stairs, she was annoyed they were so far down the waiting list for social housing and uttered those immortal words. Her daughter called her out on it saying “dad did, you didn’t!”

• to clarify, I’m not calling my husband’s aunt a workshy benefits scrounger, her husband kept her very well.

I didn't read it that way either. It is often said in the sense of a generation not wanting to be any bother or from an individual empathising with their adult children who are often working full time or looking after young families. We don't assume then that because their family is unable to care for them that that means they are not entitled to help. Talk about putting words into the OP's mouth.

Sorry, that was a reply to @WhoWants2Know

"It must be so relaxing to play with flowers all day."

Er yeah..... it would be if I didn't have to lug heavy buckets, process mountains of flowers and stand on my feet for 10 hours a day while making handtieds, answering the phone, serving customers, sweeping the floor and scrubbing buckets.

@5zeds

Perhaps it's in their "best interests" that they reflect on their pathetic behaviour and make an effort to behave like adults.

Care to elaborate on the ?

I think we should all be at the people the OP describes, more than somebody having been honest enough to describe it.

Bloodyhell @flymetotheloon have you just got it in for the OP, or is it social workers in general? You don't seem to have had a go at the other professionals eg teachers / medical professionals who are posting similar stock phrases .

And if you actually read her first comment - this is in no way rubbishing any of her clients, it's really sad that the elderly / vulnerable person is accepting of her family having better things to do than visit her; likewise the people trying to move their family members into care before they are ready .

I pay your wages ( with their taxes, as though I didn't pay any taxes)

S/he just fell into that cigarette ( really because that isn't what they said at school)

I don't want my teenager living at home put them in care ( why is anyone else going to want your teenager in their home if you don't?)

I wasn't looking at kiddie porn ( right that is why you have hundreds of images of child sex abuse on your computer)

I'm going to finish myself ( after child sex abuse has come to light, often a very ineffectual attempt then occurs to persuade family and friends of innocence)

All of these events happened on repeated occasions and spread over several locations so no one needs to stress about confidentiality.

@Shodan

I have a black belt in karate and teach women's self defence.

From middle aged men I get an exaggerated flinch and "Oooh I'd better not piss you off then." (I now fix them with a gimlet eye and say, very seriously "Yeah. Better not.")

Or : "Wax on, wax off! Ha ha ha"

Younger men will always go "HiiiiYAH" and make chopping motions with their hands.

"Yeah, better not"

I haven't read any of the other posts I've been too busy replying to all of the people who are insisting that the OP is ok.

@flymetotheloon well maybe you ought to read some of the posts from professionals in other areas because your constant tirade against the OP and anyone posting in her defence is starting to make you look unhinged .

I'm not upset at OP and do understand that actual confidentiality has not been breached

But I do think that a jeweller saying they hear all the time "she is moving to australia" or someone in retail recounting the times they've heard "I'll never come here again" or a florist saying they are sick of "must be so sweet" is actually very different from the people who say things to a social worker. There is no special relationship of trust beween the former but there is for the latter.

If I were an elderly woman who had said to a social worker "well he has his own life doesn't he" when asked about my son's involvment in my care, yeah actually if I read this thread (and why wouldn't an elderly woman in this situation be on MN?) I would feel a bit "oh god now I know what my SW is thinking about me and my family and it isn't nice"

@Aussiegirl123456

I’m just super embarrassed for my husband now as pretty much every comment made by shop workers by “middle aged men” is what my husband says 😂 and he thinks he’s so original too which adds to it! Same with window cleaners, someone mopping or cuttings grass (even neighbours, so not working) he’d say ‘ya missed a bit’! Doesn’t scan, must be free then. Can’t I help you with anything else? Winning lotto numbers! And he thinks he’s hilarious. I die a little inside 😆

Aren't they all called "dad jokes"?

@Pallisers

I'm not upset at OP and do understand that actual confidentiality has not been breached

But I do think that a jeweller saying they hear all the time "she is moving to australia" or someone in retail recounting the times they've heard "I'll never come here again" or a florist saying they are sick of "must be so sweet" is actually very different from the people who say things to a social worker. There is no special relationship of trust beween the former but there is for the latter.

If I were an elderly woman who had said to a social worker "well he has his own life doesn't he" when asked about my son's involvment in my care, yeah actually if I read this thread (and why wouldn't an elderly woman in this situation be on MN?) I would feel a bit "oh god now I know what my SW is thinking about me and my family and it isn't nice"

But I read it that the OP was just repeating what is said, an awful lot, in our profession ... it is a sign of the times, not a slight on MN reading elderly woman.

@mogsrus

Working in amusement arcade with biggest amount of keys around my belt and Can I help on a t shirt ..... do you work here !

Haha!! Maybe they can't read? :)