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AIBU?

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Original poster

'They've got their own lives' and other stock phrases

552 replies

saywhatagain · 07/12/2021 18:07

I'm an adult social worker and I hear words to the tune of 'X never visits/helps because they have their own lives' many times a month.

Another popular one is 'I've worked all my life and now I have to pay, but if I'd sat on my arse my whole life / was an immigrant (etc) I'd get it all for free'.

Or another popular one, 'the GP gave me your number as my mother/father/aunt (etc) needs to go into a care home right NOW' - and 9/10 times it's a either health need not a social one or the person is nowhere near care home ready.

Tell me yours for your job, make me feel better about the Groundhog Day that my job is at the moment?

OP posts:
JudgeJ · 07/12/2021 22:16

@LolaSmiles

flymetotheloon most jobs with people will mean workers encounter the same lines over time.

Teachers often hear things like 'my child said they didn't and they wouldn't lie' as we have explained CCTV/two members of staff plus the victim/ a dozen children have all said otherwise. We also encounter the parents who will blame everything on the fact that teachers don't understand how brilliantly intelligent their child is despite a lot of evidence to the contrary.

I'd also add on every parents' evening when I say a student is amazing to teach and I couldn't ask for more, the reply is often a joke about whether I've got the right child/they're no like this at home

None of that would be unprofessional sharing because I'd imagine most teachers on mumsnet probably hear the same things.

The OP has shared thr social work lines she hears.

But he's easily led, it's not his fault. (Could also be she) It's the boys from the council estate, we paid ££££££ for our house. All the teachers have a down on him and blame him for everything. He needs all you attention to catch up after our 7 weeks in Australia over December/January prior to his mocks. It's not fair you carry on teaching the class when he's missed so much.

I'm sure we teachers could write a book, obviously a very discreet book!

BoredZelda · 07/12/2021 22:17

It's not supposed to be something to trigger people it's just something I hear a lot.

Yeah, not sure why you think I’m “triggered” 🙄

MistressoftheDarkSide · 07/12/2021 22:18

Grin You'd be most welcome @saywhatagain

Original poster
saywhatagain · 07/12/2021 22:19

@BoredZelda sorry the triggered thing was more general to some of the responses on the post. Should have made that clearer.

OP posts:
Findwen · 07/12/2021 22:20

I can't believe you told that about me on a public forum. At least you didn't mention my crippling impotence.

Anyway, since my kids aren't around - wanna go for a drink ?

Kitkat151 · 07/12/2021 22:23

@flymetotheloon

Wow.

What an unprofessional post from a SW bitching about the things that clients say.

Especially given recent news events.

Ever heard of confidentiality?

I’m sure she’s heard of confidentiality..... I’m not sure you know what it is tho🙄
TooManyGiraffes · 07/12/2021 22:27

@Aussiegirl123456

“It’s all been a big misunderstanding” or “she’s crazy” when they’re on their fifteenth DV charge.

“I’m paying you big money to represent me so you need to do something illegal/unethical so I don’t get punished (I’m legal aid, paid by state, not you).

Or “I’m not paying you if you can’t get me off these charges” by someone who pays nothing to their legal fees.

Or when I call you I expect to get straight through to you, I’ll sack you if you don’t return future calls within 10 mins (when I’ve spent 8 hours that day as duty lawyer in court for a thousand other clients, and client is aware of this). Would love to turn around one day at the very end of my career and tell them if they want 1:1 service and quick turnarounds on communication then to hire their own solicitor.

Why do you do this for such ungrateful people? ConfusedSad
WrongWayApricot · 07/12/2021 22:28

"So, can you make explosives/bombs then?"

"You ever use dead bodies, like the nazis?"

I make soap. In my kitchen. For fun. I've not got a side hustle in terrorism, nor am I running a miniature evil death camp. Sad I wish I could say I've only been asked by one person.

TooManyGiraffes · 07/12/2021 22:28

@flymetotheloon

Social worker ethical code:

"They should work towards promoting the best interests of
individuals and groups in society and the avoidance of harm."

How do you think some clients might feel - regardless of whether they are named or not - when they discover that they are being spoken about like this in a disparaging way on a huge public platform?

Perhaps it's in their "best interests" that they reflect on their pathetic behaviour and make an effort to behave like adults.
AwaAnBileYerHeid · 07/12/2021 22:32

Oh get a life @flymetotheloon - please enlighten me as to what confidentiality exactly has been broken?

5zeds · 07/12/2021 22:35

@BoredZelda I see all these people all the time too, and have involvement from the CWD and OT parts of social work. I haven’t found it the least invasive. that’s great for you, but disabled people have their right to privacy enshrined in law, so presumably my feelings aren’t that “silly woman” and in fact are fairly commonplace.

Babyroobs · 07/12/2021 22:35

@Yesthatscorrect

I have to ask people if they have savings over a certain amount. Without fail they will say 'I wish!'
Yes I had forgotten this - every time !!
Marshwawows · 07/12/2021 22:36

@flymetotheloon

Social worker ethical code:

"They should work towards promoting the best interests of
individuals and groups in society and the avoidance of harm."

How do you think some clients might feel - regardless of whether they are named or not - when they discover that they are being spoken about like this in a disparaging way on a huge public platform?

This, will report. If nothing else, it's in poor taste.
5zeds · 07/12/2021 22:36

Perhaps it's in their "best interests" that they reflect on their pathetic behaviour and make an effort to behave like adults.

Shock
ThrobbingToothacheOfTheMind · 07/12/2021 22:37

Maybe get a new job?

Mulhollandmagoo · 07/12/2021 22:40

@slashlover

114 posts on this thread, 18 (16%) are flymetotheloon moaning.

The number of times I would tell a customer that we were out of an item and they'd declare I'll go to Tesco then!" then stare at me as if that phrase was going to make the item magically appear.

Haha! Yes! Or a customer will come in a try and explain a product they want by saying something really vague like 'I'm sure it comes in a red packet' or 'I've seen it advertised in the tv'

Also, the 'free to a good home' thing when they can't see a price gets a bit tedious

Subbaxeo · 07/12/2021 22:43

I do intimate exams. ‘Is this what you do all day?’ grinds my gears. Or ‘What a job you’ve got’. I just roll my eyes now and retort with someone’s got to do it. So rude though.

Allycott · 07/12/2021 22:45

@flymetotheloon

Wow.

What an unprofessional post from a SW bitching about the things that clients say.

Especially given recent news events.

Ever heard of confidentiality?

Couldn't agree more. What a horrible person.
sobercuriouskind · 07/12/2021 22:49

20 years qualified, registered Social Worker here, working in Adult Care. OP, you have broken no confidentiality, you are human, you are allowed to start a light hearted thread about stock phrases that we hear day in, day out. And no, this does not mean that we lack empathy, compassion or by any means deem anyone less worthy of care or support than others. It means we are not robots. We have hearts. We work extremely hard, and not for the £££, we are allowed a moan just in the same way that Police, Teachers, Solicitors have in this very thread. Without this, we are robots of the state ... and noone wants support from a heartless Social Worker.

thisplaceisweird · 07/12/2021 22:51

@flymetotheloon

Wow.

What an unprofessional post from a SW bitching about the things that clients say.

Especially given recent news events.

Ever heard of confidentiality?

You obviously haven't heard of confidentiality @flymetotheloon because this is an anonymous forum and she hasn't mentioned any names or even a vague location.
Aussiegirl123456 · 07/12/2021 22:54

@sobercuriouskind

20 years qualified, registered Social Worker here, working in Adult Care. OP, you have broken no confidentiality, you are human, you are allowed to start a light hearted thread about stock phrases that we hear day in, day out. And no, this does not mean that we lack empathy, compassion or by any means deem anyone less worthy of care or support than others. It means we are not robots. We have hearts. We work extremely hard, and not for the £££, we are allowed a moan just in the same way that Police, Teachers, Solicitors have in this very thread. Without this, we are robots of the state ... and noone wants support from a heartless Social Worker.
It’s such a shame when people’s words get twisted or taken out of context. I think someone summed it up perfectly when they said it was refreshing to see some humanity within the profession. And you reiterate that with the comment about not becoming robots of the state. Perfectly put. Thank you for all you do. Cliche stock phrase; but I couldn’t do what you do!
Shodan · 07/12/2021 22:57

I have a black belt in karate and teach women's self defence.

From middle aged men I get an exaggerated flinch and "Oooh I'd better not piss you off then." (I now fix them with a gimlet eye and say, very seriously "Yeah. Better not.")

Or : "Wax on, wax off! Ha ha ha"

Younger men will always go "HiiiiYAH" and make chopping motions with their hands.

Velvian · 07/12/2021 22:57

"They've worked all their life..." is one that really gets me. Quite often the person is in their 90s and had 30 years of state pension and other benefits.

Workyticket · 07/12/2021 22:59

@hopsalong

'I'm so sorry, when I reread it I noticed there were a couple of typos -- this is the correct version' (student on late submission of essay; earlier file is invariably corrupted, half completed or grossly plagiarised, or never even attached)

'My grandma died' (often three or more instances of a grandma dying from the same student over a three-year period, invariably the night before an exam or other deadline)

University lecturer.

Yup.

Or 'my uncle / grandad / dog is in A&E, I need to go and meet my Mam and Nana to go up there'

During peak covid when no visitors were allowed. Also, you're a 16 year old boy - what exactly can you do to help in A&E?

Allycott · 07/12/2021 22:59

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