To never send MIL photos again?

[babybrain77]

This is actually a AIBU for DH.

DH feels extremely strongly about photos of the kids on social media. He has worked in cyber security and always knew that he didn't want pictures of his kids online (including shared by non secure message like whatsapp). It's been a pain in the backside, but I have supported him on it - never send pictures around or posted them anywhere. He found a secure messaging app which would allow us to share pictures with family and friends but which did not allow the pictures to be shared or stored. He set this up for anyone who wanted it and we've managed fine for 3 years.

MIL didnt want to use the app. So we have been printing off and giving her pictures of the kids whenever we see her, and also sending regular pictures in the post during lockdown.

DH recently sent a family friend a message congratulating them on the birth of a grandchild. The family friend replied saying thank you and "it has been so lovely watching your kids grow up from afar" (they live in Australia).

DH doesn't have Facebook so I searched for his mum (we aren't Facebook friends - I also don't really use it). His mum has been taking pictures of the hard copy photos we've sent and posting them on Facebook, freely viewable to all (no privacy restrictions). She has uploaded literally hundreds of pictures.

DH has explicitly explained why he doesn't want pictures online to his mum. He confronted her about it and she shrugged and said "I have to be able to show off my grandkids". He is spitting mad and has said he will never give her another picture, to which she has kicked off massively. IHBU?

Totally with you and your DH OP. Whatever your feelings might be about putting a child's image online, you have obviously made your point very clear that you took this very seriously and she has gone behind your back and blatantly ignored you. Absolute no no. So, no it would be no more photos from me.

I'm a cyber numpty, but when my kids were quite young I asked them if they would be happy for me to share their photos on social media (Facebook basically) and they said no. So I never have since. Have now been to a few online security talks at their school which scared the pants off me

So are you OK with paedophiles jacking off to pictures of your (grand) children ??

As this is the natural consequence of unfettered distribution of child pictures online.

That's the reality

Look up the CEOPs data
Bookmark

It’s bad enough that children are abused without posters like you having to post in the manner you have.

I’m reporting your comment.

I don’t get people who do this. My dad is absolutely terrible for it and we now no longer share pictures with him - after several pictures of our son in the bath made their way onto Facebook. Oh and a picture of me and my son in a hospital bed when I’d just given birth.

@MaHBroon

So are you OK with paedophiles jacking off to pictures of your (grand) children ??

As this is the natural consequence of unfettered distribution of child pictures online.

That's the reality

Look up the CEOPs data
Bookmark

It’s bad enough that children are abused without posters like you having to post in the manner you have.

I’m reporting your comment.

What for? That poster spoke sharply but not incorrectly.

The world is full of disgusting horrible people. However it is a real shame if you can't share the joy of family achievements. I would suggest if the photo is sensitive don't share it. Don't take it!
My family are in the public domain and I review everything. Very sad tbh. What a world we live in.

@Briarshollow

Did you read the first line?

[quote MaHBroon]@Briarshollow

Did you read the first line?[/quote]
I did. That’s the ‘sharp’ language I was referring to.

I assumed the poster was using these coarse words to highlight how vile it is that paedophiles literally will use photos of children that way, and how if the OP’s partner wants to go to great lengths to prevent their kid from being online and potentially used in that way, that’s ok.

I’m with him. They are his children, not hers. She doesn’t get to decide who pictures are shared with online. He was clear about this and she’s broken his trust. No more pictures for her.

I haven't read past OP's first comment but wanted to say that I'm with OP and DH. We said from the moment DD was born that we didn't want her on social media. We don't like oversharing, I remember the cringe factor of seeing dodgy photos from a drunken night out at uni etc. I want my DC to chose what they share when age appropriate. I'd hate to think DC might cringe at family photos in the future.

If your wishes were clear, You ANBU never sending photos again. She doesn't need to understand your choices, just respect them.

@OldTotty

It's nothing to do with them sharing sensitive photos online (or not). MIL has taken photos of the physical photos (the hard copies) and then shared them on social media knowingly going against the parents wishes.

OP has said that they are using a secure messaging app. Obviously this has been successful so far. MIL is bypassing this (in quite a sneaky way). OP hasn't indicated that the photos are particularly sensitive just that they don't want images of their DC shared online outside of their app. MIL is at fault as she has ignored them, gone against their wishes and does not have parental consent to share.

@babybrain77 you can contact Facebook to get them taken down. See www.facebook.com/help/contact/144059062408922

@yourestandingonmyneck Because you’re posting pictures on your social media. How secure is this? Chances are you’re giving away details about yourself. Even if your profile is private, it’s so easy to find out info online that gives away a lot, e.g. through public likes, profile pictures etc. Also, others can share posts, so now it’s available to many others too (even more if you let others to take group pictures that include your kids). In addition, accounts can be hacked, or other people’s accounts that are linked to yours can be hacked meaning others now have access to your info. So you’re posting pics of your child? That’s your choice. But don’t think that you can avoid others finding out where your kids live. It clearly is a risk directly to your child.

So yes, there are lots of risks in life, but risk = probability x consequences. Probability of this happening is larger than you think and the consequences would be great, so it really is an easy measure to stop posting pictures, which will not affect your life in any meaningful way.

Is MIL a bit stupid ie intelligence problems? These might be her grandchildren but they aren’t her children to “show off”. Why does she want let alone “need” to “show off“ “anyone? I get that the odd photo for info is nice but endless streams of photos so boring. Is she lonely and needing to live vicariously through your children? No more photos. Of course they will cease to be children and then it’s up to them. My DD started protesting about pics being taken of her when in early teens. So this all quite apart from the internet security issue.

YANBU.

You need super-firm boundaries with your MIL, who is being rude, dismissive and entitled.

The real issue here is that MIL is not respecting a request by the children's parents. At the end of the day you are the parents and make the decisions, not her, when it comes to your children.

She can kick up as much as she likes but tell her the choice is hers not yours. She either accepts your rules or she suffers the consequences!